A Dreadfully Convenient Crossover and
by Spectra16
Summary: AF HP SOUE crossover. Foaly sends Artemis to Hogwarts to investigate the school of magic and what threats it could have for the People. Will Artemis discover than his missing father is a wizard? And Snape of all people? During HP 3, after AF
1. The Truth etc

**A Dreadfully Convenient Crossover And the Prisoner of the Arctic Incident**

By Spectra16 (my, what an interesting title this story has. . .)

A/N: I'm taking several of my favorite fictions and mashing them together and making the stories tie in with each other. Just so you all know, this story does not take place where the series is now. This story takes place before Artemis finds his father, and Harry is at his 3rd year at Hogwarts, and Lemony is just hanging. Also, for the most part, this story will follow the books, except at the end, it takes a completely different turn.

Also, I know that the friendship between Artemis and the fairies doesn't develop until the second book, but come on! I need to alter some of the story.

There. I'd rather not explain more. I don't want to spoil the story. (wink)

Disclaimer: I don't own any characters I will use. So sad.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Chapter One: The Truth Behind the Lies Behind the Truth Behind the Man Behind the Hedges

The Fowl mansion remained dimly lit for weeks at a time. Mrs. Angeline Fowl would more than often close the blinds, and then complain about them being closed, forcing Artemis to open again. More than several times, she complained about creatures moving about in her room, but her hallucinations were all to blame on her husband's disappearance. Artemis, her only son, ran his fingers down the crimson red curtain in her room, holding back his true feelings for his father.

The rumor was that Artemis Fowl Senior had been on a ship in Kola Bay in Russia, on a business venture. His business was rarely legal, and Artemis Junior recently realized that his family had enemies, which might have been the reason for his father's ship sinking.

Artemis was no regular boy. He attended an exclusive boy's school, in which he was known as a prodigy. His interests were mainly in the piano, his homework, and criminal ventures. A year prior, he had held a fairy hostage for gold. A whole community of creatures, in which had been fooling humans for hundreds of thousands of years, had finally been fooled by a twelve year old boy.

Artemis rested his chin on his left hand, his right hand resting on his mouse. The light of his computer dimly lit the room, but after staring at the light for hours, it had seemed very bright. Artemis tapped his index finger on his cheek and wondered how he was going to manage a way to travel underground to speak with Foaly about this interesting matter, that Artemis would much rather investigate that do his calculus homework.

Foaly had not asked Artemis to return to the Underground, but Artemis was intrigued to do just that. Foaly had only asked Artemis for insight, not for full devotion to the project. At least Foaly could identify his usefulness to the fairy world. Artemis read over the email again. Foaly mentioned a strange barrier around a part of Britain. Foaly said it was almost impossible to get surveillance on the area.

Artemis stretched like a cat in his chair. This would require some intense planning.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Lemony Snicket stuffed his hands in his pockets of his over coat, checking to see if his tiny note pad was still present. Mr. Snicket strode down the sidewalk, pondering the evidence he had collected over time. He often pondered his life's research, which at times, felt like a great burden, since he was the only one writing his account down. The rest of the people involved were content with remaining anonymous because it was a dangerous occupation.

The real man, Lemony Snicket, was a highly paranoid man who dedicated his life's work to protecting the Baudelaire's. Although it was indirectly, his work might have been the most progressive in all of the people that had been watching over Sunny, Klaus, and Violet Baudelaire. And believe me, there were quite a few.

The elite group of people that did this work was an organization that went by the initials 'VFD'. Mr. Snicket's affiliation to that group was a well hidden secret, but not one that would be appropriate to keep from you, the audience, as of now. The VFD had spies everywhere. The secrets were kept well, or at least, they thought that, until a series of unfortunate events had unfolded themselves, and one of the VFD's members had revealed himself to be the very man that was after the Baudelaire fortune, which was in fact no fortune at all, besides the money. The Baudelaire's seemed to have had a run in with some horrible fortune. _Unfortunate_.

Mr. Snicket was advised by the man who ran the VFD, to now go after Count Olaf personally, instead of just trailing the events that followed him and the Baudelaire family. Lemony held a small piece of parchment in his hand, with some messy scribbling on it. There was a reason for why Lemony preferred the typewriter.

He gazed at a hanging wooden sign that had the name of the bar burned and etched into it. The Leaky Cauldron. Mr. Snicket tipped his fedora as he entered the smoke filled tavern.

Lemony looked around the small abode, but it wasn't hard to spot the man he searched for. He had seen his a few times before, but that had been years ago. He took a deep breath, as he remembered the stories he had heard about this man. . . This wizard. He walked slowly to the table he was sitting at, and he cautiously sat across from him.

"Mr. Lemony Snicket! I wasn't sure if you had found your way," Albus Dumbledore seemed to have meant the last sentence in separate meanings. Lemony flashed a quick smile at him.

"I'm glad you agreed to meet me. . . Especially here," Lemony looked around, not having come to the Leaky Cauldron in . . . years, again. Dumbledore nodded.

"The Order always needs as much help as it can get. I also believe I can help you," Dumbledore grinned warmly. Lemony remembered their last "conversation", in which Dumbledore wasn't sure that he would be of any help. But any progress on the Baudelaire case would be like a warm ray of sun in the midst of a cold winter. Mr. Snicket took off his hat to reveal his slicked back, dark brown hair. He ran through it with his hand and put his hat back down.

"I've decided. I will do what you want. I need leads to Count Olaf, anything would help at this point," Lemony sighed. Dumbledore contentedly smiled. Lemony believed he had never met a person who beamed like Dumbledore.

"It's a deal then," Dumbledore, unsure of the Muggle gesture, pointed his hand outward to Lemony. Mr. Snicket was also unsure of Dumbledore's cluelessness, but instead of hesitating, he shook his hand.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Harry Potter, the boy who lived, sat the curb of a street, gazing into the eyes of a large, black dog in a clump of bushes on the opposite end of the street. The dog was growling and rearing back, as if it would spring at Harry at any moment. Harry, feeling afraid and familiar at the same time, gingerly pulled out his wand, careful not to make any sudden movements. Judging by the dog's dirty and precariously put hair, it seemed like a stray. Before Harry could assess the situation, a strange double decked bus screeched into view, and stopped in front of Harry.

So far, Harry thought, so good.

Sirius, Mr. Snuffles, whatever you prefer to call him, hastily ran back into the brush area from whence he came. Harry was safe now, Sirius knew. He was glad that the Knight Bus had found him, and not the unmentionable. Sirius had hoped to follow Harry until he managed to reach Hogwarts, but knowing that Harry was a resourceful boy, and had fought off the Dark Lord . . . What . . . Three times now? He reasoned that Harry would find his way.

-.-.-.-.-

Foaly, techie centaur to LEP, was a curious creature. In fear of CIA mind reading technology (which we all know if FAR from completion), Foaly wore a tin foil hat to keep all of his bearings in his head. He also has a strange carrot fetish, which in all seriousness, really isn't strange at all. Apparently, all centaurs are no doubt in love with carrots.

Foaly also wanted to get down to the bottom of something he had been pondering for quite some time, but no had shared his interest in it. LEP was knee deep in B'wa Kell affairs, and who would sensibly waste their time on a centaur's intuition? Foaly, however, was hot on the trail of something quite important.

Foaly's above ground satellite imaging system was flawless in every way possible. It was more commonly used to navigate the underground, but it was obviously helpful above ground too. But for years, there were several small patches of land that were undetectable. Of course, if a fugitive was hiding in those patches of fuzz, LEP would be all up in arms, trying to figure out why. But for now, there wasn't a spark of concern, besides in Foaly.

After asking about the areas to his family, his grandfather, on his death bed, recalled the area in Britain, exactly where the images were fuzzed out. He told Foaly that the area belonged to witches and wizards, and there was a forest in the area, where some of Foaly's distant relatives lived.

This was incredible news to Foaly, albeit harmless and "unimportant" to LEP business. Foaly was also told that only humans were allowed to pass through, and even then, you had to be a special type of human. You had to possess magical abilities. Not only were these people well hidden from The People, but they also hid themselves from other humans. Foaly obviously found this all to be amusing. Root did not.

"YOU WANT ME TO WHAT!" Root blew up for the first time in the day. The earliest Foaly had managed to get Root to yell at him was a few minutes before their shifts had even started. Today was not that day. Foaly sighed.

"I want to exploit Artemis Fowl. Does that sound better?" Foaly asked sarcastically, which he compared to "Requesting permission to use Artemis Fowl in personal experiment". Commander Root seemed like he had been slapped with a stink worm.

"I'd quicker kiss your ass, ass," Root muttered under his breath and sat in his desk.

"I believe this mission would be pertinent to LEP ventures, sir," Foaly ignored the ass comment, in order to hopefully get what he wanted. This would only be put off shortly though.

"And how would it be PERTINENT to LEP?" Root mocked Foaly's his brown nosing.

"The mysterious spots on the satellite feed could be exploited with the use of a mudman. Fowl would be perfect for this," Foaly left out details, hoping that would help his cause.

"Why wouldn't a dumb mudman be easier to manipulate? I mean, you're throwing around the name of that bratty kid that nearly got me fired," Root lit a fungus cigar. Foaly waved away the smoke.

"Instead of just putting his under mesmer, we could get him to willingly help! I mean, what other 13 year old boy is going to want to learn as much as he can about a hidden group of people?" The centaur half joked. Root looked up at him with a look to kill.

"Why is getting a mudman, much less a boy, important to your plan?" Root questioned, smelling something rather fishy.

"From a reliable source," Foaly paused at the thought of his dying grandfather, "I have found that there is a . . . school for mudmen ages 11-17. Fowl is perfect to infiltrate the school and find out why they are hiding." Root quirked an eyebrow.

"A school?" Root asked quietly. Foaly nodded quickly.

"A school," He confirmed.

"Why the hell is there a secret school?" Root couldn't decided whether he was listening or not.

"It's a school for magical mudmen. It's hidden from normal mudmen, from what I've heard. I'm sure the Fowl boy would've blackmailed them by now if he knew anything about them," Foaly made another snide remark. Root seemed to be taking this reasonably well. Holly quickly ran in the door, late. Foaly gave her a sympathetic look and she grimaced. She stood at attention at Root's desk. Root puffed his cigar.

"Duties, sir?" She asked professionally. He made a grunting sound.

"Foaly has a project he would like you to work on with him," Root grunted. Holly looked wide eyed and pleased. Something other than grunt work would be a relief. Ever since the Artemis Fowl incident, she had been reduced to running papers, directing traffic in the underground, and getting Root lunch.

"Thank you, sir!" She stood proudly. Root almost wanted to smirk.

"You may think you're getting a treat, but you're going to hate me once Foaly tells you what he's going to do. Dismissed," Root stood up and walked out. Holly figured Root was grumpy as usual, and that Root couldn't have just said something was worse than the grunt work she had been doing for the past few months. She looked at Foaly questioningly. He seemed to avoid eye contact.

"Come on Foaly! Tell me! Unless it has something to do with Fowl, I doubt that anything is as bad as what I've been doing," Holly smiled at him. Foaly winced.

"Yeah," He sighed and walked into his cozy office. Holly trailed closely behind him.

-.-.-.-.-.-

After being invited in, Holly shivered to enter the home she had been prisoner to no more than a few months prior. Foaly was impressed by the interior and followed Artemis closely. Foaly remembered the room from the video feed he had inspected when Artemis was so positive he could beat the blue rinse. Holly looked back at Butler, whom was following them closely. The three of them sat down in an adorning room with paintings and expensive furniture. Artemis lightly sipped some tea.

"I'm assuming that you need more than advice, Foaly," Artemis narrowed his eye brows, now down to business. Foaly nodded, still unsure of what he was getting himself into. But he quickly went into explaining the situation, and why Artemis was personally needed for the venture. After a few minutes of explaining the details (of which, Holly had also been hearing for the first time all the way through), everyone became quiet, almost able to hear Artemis thinking.

"You say this is a school for magical mudmen? Well, I am not magical, as you may have already gathered," Artemis was curious as to how Foaly would tackle this problem. Foaly shrugged his shoulders slightly.

"Obviously, you're a smart . . . boy, Fowl. And we've already thought of a solution for this, but you may not be thrilled about it," Foaly clenched his jaw. Artemis looked at him, waiting for the answer.

"I've whipped up the technology to increase your auror . . . Your . . . Senses. Like a telekinetic energy that everyone has inside them, but not everyone's is strong enough to physically show. Like I said, we can enhance yours, but only for a short time. It would have to be like medication. I could make you enough for however long we need you to be at the school," Foaly almost seemed that he would end the sentence with a "but". It never came. Artemis fished for it.

"I'm assuming there are drawbacks to using it, or you would not have been so negative about such a solution," Artemis grinned. Foaly nodded, and then realized how quiet Holly had remained this whole time.

"Yes. Since we used some very strong magic genes from a fairy for the . . . Medicine," Foaly couldn't think of another way to put it, "It could stunt your growth for however long you are on it, which won't be too long. Of course, we can always we alter your height after you're done. Besides that, the medicine itself is not that dangerous. But I've heard stories about the school. That's what concerns me beyond anything," Foaly stopped.

Artemis looked into the distance, thinking he heard his mother yelling upstairs. He waited to see if she was, but nothing came. He looked up at Foaly.

"I'm assuming Butler will not be able to accompany me?" Artemis asked. Foaly nodded.

"We knew you'd say that. And we're still trying to find a way to get him in, but it might be pointless, considering everything we learn about this place is in your hands. The sooner you get in there, the sooner Butler will be able to shadow you," Foaly said confidently. Artemis nodded.

"So, my finally question. What do I get out of this?" Artemis asked with a smirk. Holly felt disgusted with his attitude.

"Well, we figured you'd want to know as much as possible about these people. And if you don't care to join our journey, we can just as easily mind wipe you and find a more pathetic excuse for a mudman," Foaly smirked back at Artemis. Artemis nodded.

"Well, luckily for you, I am interested."

-.-.-.-.-.-

Artemis shifted uncomfortably when Juliet injected him with the solution that would change his stature, he shifted uncomfortably when he read his invitation to Hogwarts, he shifted uncomfortably when being fit for a robe in Daigon Alley, and at last, he shifted uncomfortably in his seat on board the Hogwarts Express. He wore a black silk shirt and loose fitting jeans, suggested by Juliet, who didn't want little Arty to look like a stuck up brat for his first day at wizard school. Artemis' dark owl hooted deeply at Artemis. He looked at his owl with a curious look, finding that it was obviously very well trained.

Several proud looking students came and sat in the car with Artemis. One boy, who seemed to be the center of the group's attention, caught Artemis' eye immediately.

Draco Malfoy, eyed the dark looking boy, in which they were sharing the car with. His eyes were a piercing, cold blue, and his black hair seemed to emphasize it more. Draco was usually a good judge of who looked like a Slytherin, and who did not. And he knew this new kid must be in Slytherin.

"Are you a first year?" Draco asked, almost arrogantly. Artemis looked up to find that the boy was talking to him. Artemis bit down. He wasn't sure. This was his first year at Hogwarts, but it was meant for 11 year olds. He was 13. Artemis looked back up at the blonde boy, who seemed oddly familiar.

"No, I'm a third year. But this will be my first year at Hogwarts," Artemis reasoned a little truth couldn't hurt. The blonde boy seemed puzzled.

"So are you taking the first year and second year classes?" Draco asked. Artemis didn't really know.

"I don't know. I'll have to ask when we get there," Artemis answered shortly. The conversation with this boy was too awkward, as if he thought he was better than Artemis, which was what Artemis was definitely not used to. Draco cautiously asked Artemis his name.

"I'm Artemis Fowl the Second. And yours?" Artemis asked. Draco smirked as he answered.

"I'm Draco Malfoy," he replied, as if Artemis should know the last name. Artemis said nothing, but instead, an awkward eye contact was made between Draco and Artemis. Draco couldn't seem to peel his eyes away from the freezing over feeling he got from looking at Artemis. Artemis broke the connection first.

"I've never heard of the name Fowl before. Sounds Slytherin to me," Draco looked at Crabbe and Goyle. The both of them chuckled.

"I beg your pardon?" Artemis referred to the Slytherin part. Draco looked at him wide eyed.

"Slytherin? You know, one of the four houses at Hogwarts?" Draco replied. Artemis shook his head. Draco snickered.

"Wow, you must be a mud blood," Draco now talked with disgust in his voice.

"What?" Artemis now felt offended, since these wizards had so much lingo that sounded insulting. Although, the word mudman really didn't sound too different from mud blood. At least there was reason behind the word mudman. Mudblood seemed like it was insulting his heritage, which Artemis was quite proud of.

"A mud blood is a wizard that is born of a muggle and a wizard. You know, like a mutt," Draco's lips curled, showing off an impish, evil grin. Artemis' temper was always under control, but something about this boy had toyed with him in a different way.

"And what is a muggle?" Artemis asked, gritting his teeth. Draco played it cool.

"A non-magical person. Inferior to wizards, of course," Draco said as if everyone knew this. Artemis smirked.

"I'd rather be a muggle than a pure-blood pain in the ass," Artemis grinned like a vampire. The look oddly resembled Lord Voldemort, which scared Draco for some reason. Crabbe and Goyle stood up threateningly and starred Artemis down. Artemis didn't flinch, but then remembered Butler wasn't by his side to fight. Artemis kept his cool yet. Draco then stood up in front of Crabbe and Goyle. He forced a smile on his face.

"I like you Mr. Fowl, beyond the fact that you're a mud blood. I hope we are paired in the same house, Slytherin. You'd be a half decent rival," Draco then walked out of the cab with Goyle and Crabbe, leaving Artemis to himself. Questions fluttered in Artemis' mind like tiny moths taking to the light.

Knowing he couldn't concentrate on his next plan of action, Artemis left the cab he was in to find another to sit in, where he would find some other people to talk to. But just as he walked down the hall, the train came to a screeching halt, forcing Artemis to the ground.

Although he wasn't hurt, Artemis remained on his knees and suddenly felt a coldness flow over his body. He looked up at the windows, which freezed over with frost. Artemis shivered, wondering if it was fear or the cold. He sat there on his knees, holding on arm closely to him for extra warmth. The light went out, and Artemis sat there in the darkness.

Artemis looked down at his lap and shook, not feeling the will to move. He heard a deep, scratchy breathing from someone in front of his. There was a skeletal figure hidden in a flowing black robe, and the face was hooded, unable to see into. Artemis now knew he was shaking with fear. What is that, he barely thought clearly. The creature floated closer to him, taking it's time. Artemis felt a deep depression flow through him. The being came closer, but Artemis couldn't move. He looked up at it, helplessly and felt like surrendering. Artemis tried to scream, but he couldn't. The being knelt over, coming with a foot of his face.

"Sirius. . ." The creature reached out with a barely flesh covered hand and reached for Artemis' face. Artemis made a tiny noise, a whimper. _Sirius? _A gray mist was being sucked out of Artemis mouth, and his eyes rolled back, ready to die.

"I've found you. . ." The creature whispered and screamed at the same time.

Artemis barely recalled a bright light coming from the cab a few feet down. The demon fled quickly at the sight of this. Artemis felt immediate relief and with feeble legs, he stood up and walked to the cab where the light came from. He tried to regain composure and stop shaking, but it was a losing battle. He walked in to find an unconscious boy, two other students and an older man trying to revive him. Artemis waited and watched as the boy got up and looked questioningly at his friends.

"Here," Lupin handed Harry a piece of chocolate, "It'll make you feel better." Harry reluctantly chewed on the chocolate, and continued to ask questions about what had happened with the dementor. Artemis caught the word and assumed that was what those things were called. The older man walked out of the cab and closed the door. Warmth seemed to return to the train, and it started moving again. Lupin found the pale, shaking genius sitting outside of the cab.

"You look horrible," Lupin remarked, not looking so hot himself. Artemis shivered. "Were you attacked as well?" Lupin asked. Artemis forced a nod. Lupin took him under his arm and pulled another piece of chocolate from his robe.

Artemis reasoned this would not be as easy as he had imagined.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Sirius jerked awake, panting and sweating. His dreams had never brought him so close to a dementor before. At Azkaban, the dementors had beckoned at him in his cell, sucking what little happiness out of him that he still had. The only thing that would make Sirius happy was getting out of Azkaban and getting revenge on Voldemort for Lily and James' death.

Sirius sat up on the dirt ground. He brushed his long hair back, too stressed to care about personal hygiene. Why had he dreamed that?

The memory of the dream was vivid and slow.

The dementor reached out to grab him and whispered his name.

_"Sirius. . . Black"_

Sirius felt so connected to the dream now. Had they seen him in his dreams? Could they pierce into his mind while it was at work in his sleep?

_"I've found you . . . Sirius. . ."_


	2. The Sorting Hat, With All Due Respect

**A Dreadfully Convenient Crossover And the Prisoner of the Arctic Incident**

By Spectra16

A/N: Hope you enjoyed the first chapter. Sorry it was so boring. I had to get the details out of the way. It'll get more wrapped around Harry and all that good crap soon enough. Just wait.

Disclaimer: Don't player hate on me! Player hate on somebody else! (I love AMV Hell 3!)

Speaking of awesome movies on Google Video, please search for Harry Potter (on Google Video) and click on the one called "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Amityville". It's hilarious! Kudos to the creators!

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Chapter Two: The Sorting Hat, With All Due Respect

Artemis felt rushed into the process of initiation at Hogwarts. The whole experience would've been spectacular, if not for all of the questions floating around in his head. The ragged clothed man, now known as Professor Lupin, had brought Artemis to the conductor of the Hogwarts Express, and had asked him questions about why the dementors were coming aboard. Artemis had not been allowed to hear the conversation, which he assumed was important, no doubt. Professor Lupin seemed to walk around like everything was a big deal, but he paid little attention to Artemis, which was unlike what he did with the boy who fainted.

Artemis was then forgotten and hurried off the train with the other students. The baggage seemed uncontrollable, and routy second years were screaming and teasing each other. Artemis caught a glimpse of that obnoxious blonde boy he had a fall in with earlier, but the boy didn't acknowledge his presence.

The sky was a crimson red color, just as the sun was going down. Artemis followed the crowd of people that were rushing toward the doors of Hogwarts, and the first year students were split up from the others. Artemis did not follow them, since technically, he was a third year. Artemis found this situation annoying, considering he had to explain it to whomever asked. Just as he was about to enter with the Ravenclaws, he was pulled away from them by a strong hand. Artemis looked at his captor in shock, still rattled from the encounter with the dementor. His look of shock changing into disgust when he found a slimy, grungy looking man had pulled him away from the crowd.

"You're Artemis Fowl, correct?" He asked in a scratchy voice. In order to avoid being snobbish, Artemis forced himself to look lost, and he gingerly nodded his head.

"Come with me," the man let him go and brought him away from the doors.

This man led him into the grassy sides of the School for Witchcraft and Wizardry. Artemis struggled to carry the luggage he had brought with him, and the man had not offered his help. Finally realizing Artemis was lagging behind, the man grabbed two of his suit cases and stormed off.

Artemis was brought to Dumbledore's office, and everything Artemis saw there was awe inspiring. He couldn't tear his eyes away from the knick knacks and things fluttering around the room. There was also a large bird in a cage, that resembled a picture in a fairy tale book, a phoenix. Artemis starred at it until he noticed a white bearded man with interesting looking robes on, and a pointed hat. The sight reminded Artemis of Merlin or Gandalf. . . . So the stereotypes are true, he thought.

"Well, well, it's Mr. Fowl. How do you do? I'm Albus Dumbledore, headmaster to Hogwarts," The man smiled warmly at Artemis, who returned the expression with a half curled lip.

"I'm fine," Artemis lied. Confused was more like it.

"I'm sure you're wondering why we pulled you away from the other students," Dumbledore assumed. Artemis shook his head.

"No. I'm guessing it's because I am not yet part of a house, and you assumed that it would be embarrassing for a third year to be with the first years. And you are correct. I'm glad you made this decision," Artemis said confidently. Although, the look on Dumbledore's face didn't seem impressed by Artemis' deduction.

"Well, yes, there's that. But there's also some news that you wouldn't have heard of in your world, the muggle world," Dumbledore paused. There's that word again, Artemis thought. Although, the way Dumbledore said it didn't make it sound like a condemning thing. Artemis was interested now.

"You see, there's an evil wizard about, his name is Voldemort. He went to Hogwarts in his day, but . . . He's dangerous, although he's been in hiding ever since he lost power," Dumbledore sighed. "Voldemort killed many people when he was still at large. But one day, a very curious thing happened. . ."

Dumbledore explained Harry Potter and what had happened his first and second year. He also mentioned how dangerous Hogwarts had become ever since Harry started attending, and how now there was a man that escaped from Azkaban, and how it was rumored that he was going after Harry. Artemis sat back and let it all sink in, feeling, for the first time, very uninformed.

"I know you've already thought of this, but you will be behind the other students your age. Though, judging by your intelligence, I'm sure you will be able to catch up," Dumbledore smiled, a sparkle in his eye. Artemis nodded confidently.

"Of course, sir," Artemis nodded respectfully. Dumbledore slapped his thigh.

"And now for the Sorting Hat," Dumbledore pulled a strange looking hat from behind some books and set it on Artemis' head. Immediately, Artemis could feel it moving, which was very strange indeed. Artemis uncomfortably fidgeted.

"Well, this one isn't going to be easy," The Hat remarked to himself.

"Ravenclaws are intelligent, like this one. Not very Gryffindor-like, are you? Not much courage. Hufflepuff, well . . . I'd be betting wrong," The hat mumbled on for a while.

"I'm going to have to go with SLYTHERIN!" The hat boomed. Dumbledore hastily pulled the hat off, and it immediately stopped talking. Artemis tried to hide his look of puzzlement. Slytherin, he remembered the conversation he had with Draco Malfoy. He sat wondering about the clash that he would have with Draco, now daily, because he was in the same house. In the midst of this, Dumbledore put his hand on Artemis' shoulder.

"I will introduce you to the Slytherin leader, Professor Snape. He will be teaching your potions class," Dumbledore sounded less buddy-buddy with Artemis now, suddenly getting down to business. Artemis nodded and stood, wondering where this man's glimmer had gone.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Dumbledore had prepared the Ministry of Magic to reaccept Lemony into the magical world, since Lemony had been spending so much time in the muggle world. Lemony's magical talent was long expended and he old wand was in shambles. The oak wood was notched and slowly splintering. Mr. Snicket had attended Hogwarts way back in the day, as a Hufflepuff. He had long forgotten the spells, the charms, the magical physics, and his envy of the Marauders. They were fifth years when he was a first year, but he had heard so many wondrous tales about their adventures.

Lemony looked at his new desk at the Daily Prophet, which didn't look so different from the Daily Punctilio. As far as Lemony was concerned, he was doing Dumbledore a favor as much as he was doing a favor for Lemony. Mr. Snicket was after the whereabouts of Count Olaf, and Dumbledore wanted someone who would help turn the Daily Prophet around, just as Lemony had tried to do with the Daily Punctilio. From what Lemony could tell, both papers were highly unreliable and masses of people believed them. He had been explained what kind of slandering the Daily Prophet had engaged in, just for profit. Journalism ethics were being burned at the stake. Lemony set down his black leather messenger bag, carrying circled articles from the Daily Prophet and a few copies of the Quibbler.

He sat down at his desk and pulled out his cased type writer. He rolled in a piece of paper and started writing his first impressions of the two magical papers. His mind had to get up and running before he could start researching claims. Before long, his eye caught on a tiny little beetle beside his typewriter. Lemony, not liking insects much, flicked it off and went back to typing. He smiled as he typed, but no more than ten minutes later, a disheveled woman stormed into his office.

He looked up at her curiously.

"Can I help you?" he asked, now feeling out of place. She seemed almost livid. Although, Lemony wasn't quite sure why. He her was messily place, and her thin glasses made her nose seem pointed, like an arrow.

"My name is Rita Skeeter, and I'd like to have you know that . . . If there's any questions you want answered, I'll help you. Someone non-magical like you will probably have a great deal of misunderstanding," She seemed to hint something. Lemony had already gotten the wrong idea of her, just bursting in, making him feel like he was inferior. He expected as much, from what he heard from Dumbledore and how many articles she usually had in one paper.

"Well, I'll have you know that I am magical," Lemony mocked her figure of speech.

"You used to write for a muggle newspaper! And your ideas were no less than mad. The Ministry should've put you with the Quibbler! The Daily Prophet is a respectable newspaper, one that doesn't need your sort!" She spat. Lemony was thrown by her hostility.

"It doesn't need anyone of my sort because they have enough already! The Daily Prophet is as much out there for profit as the Quibbler! At least the Quibbler is open minded and makes me laugh!" Lemony sneered. Rita seemed as if she would explode.

"Don't you dare insult _my_ publication!" Rita screeched.

"It's obvious that it's yours! It has "bullshit" written all over it!" Lemony went back to typing. Rita stormed off. Lemony then thought, this isn't going to be good for business.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Artemis had heard several younger students speaking of the boy who had passed out on the train. The word was that he was spending the night in the hospital wing, and then he wondered why he wasn't, unless this was some sort of special case. Artemis reasoned that if he was in any danger, the headmaster would certainly see to it that he would be taken care of. Fowl followed Snape, the disgruntled looking Potions teacher, down the corridors of Hogwarts. Artemis starred in wonder at the moving paintings, and then realized how boring still paintings were. He wondered if that painters had hexed it, in order to make the beings inside of it come alive. People from one painting could move to the next and visit the other people, as if they were like neighbors with one room houses. Artemis found Hogwarts to be enchanting. This was well worth getting over his fear of syringes.

He noticed that Snape didn't speak at all, besides murmuring "this way". He walked with an interesting stride, that made him seem like he had important business to do. Artemis considered copying the walk, but he reasoned against it.

Artemis felt a familiar feeling to Snape. The dark hair, the dark stare, just his presence felt like how Artemis hoped his father would be like. The two of them came to a large painting and Snape looked at him, wondering if the Irish boy knew what was next, but doubted it.

"This is the way into the Slytherin house. You say the password and it opens. If you forget the password, you cannot go in," Snape spoke obviously. Artemis nodded, waiting for the password. "For now, the password is 'liverwort'. The password changes every week or so," Snape turned on his heels and walked away from the corridors. Artemis sighed. The painting opened at Snape's command, and Artemis walked up the stairs to find his bed.

The Slytherins spotted him coming up the stairs, not expecting someone to arrive so late. Very few other Slytherins were at the libraries at the time. Everyone else was socializing in the common room. Artemis tried to ignore their stares, but he stopped as if he was yanked at the sound of someone calling his name.

"Artemis Fowl," A boy sneered. Artemis slowly turned around to find Draco Malfoy, smiling at him with intent, Crabbe and Goyle backing him up. Artemis puffed up his chest.

"Draco Malfoy," Artemis replied, in an emotionless tone. Draco walked toward him with a snicker. Artemis wasn't sure what he was going to do, since he felt a tad intimidated by the three boys. Draco stopped once he was a foot away from Artemis, but Fowl showed no sign of his nervousness. Instead, he starred Draco down.

"Welcome to the Slytherin house. We're all family here," Draco said, holding out a hand, sounding rather contradictory. Artemis didn't act.

"I thought you didn't touch mud bloods. I'm sure you wouldn't want to get any of my filth on your hands," Artemis looked disgusted at Draco's hand. Draco breathed in deeply.

"Obviously, there's something you don't know. All Slytherins are purebloods," Draco let his hand fall to his side, realizing that Artemis was not convinced. "Hadn't your parents ever told you?"

Artemis thought about it. His was too young to talk on an intelligent basis with his father, and then his mother was. . . His father had been . . . Missing. And his mother was clinically insane. But wouldn't they have told him? Wouldn't he had seen or known something to be magical? Or did some wizards put away their abilities and become muggles? Did that happen?

"Both of my parents are too indisposed to have told me," Artemis replied carefully. Draco knew not to question this, at least not in front of Goyle and Crabbe. There was something about Artemis that made him want to know more, possibly be his acquaintance. But the way his first impression had been, that might not come easily.

Draco nodded, pretending to understand.

"Well, goodnight," Draco turned around and walked away. Goyle and Crabbe stupidly followed, as if Draco had their brains controlled. Artemis backed away into the sleep quarters of the house. Everything was dimly lit, it was a wonder anything was ever accomplished in the right lighting.

Artemis found an empty bed that had his belongings lying next to it. There was a window in the room, and another bed, which also had belongings next to it, but no one appeared to have seen it yet. Artemis didn't like the fact that he had to share his living space with someone else, but he figured it wouldn't matter too much. He wanted to spend most of his time in the library, after having read his class books, and finding them more than interesting. His favorite was A History of Magic and a book on the study of Muggles, from a wizards perspective. The lives of wizards were so completely different from his life. Artemis laid out his cloak and clothing out for the next day. His owl, now named Multice (Mul-tee-ss), had already fallen asleep. Artemis dressed into his pajamas and nestled in.

Almost an hour later (Artemis guessed it was about 1 AM for muggle time), his roommate came in and said "Lumos" in order to see where he was going. Artemis, hoping this would not be a routine thing, turned around to see who it was.

Draco Malfoy.

Artemis turned back over, knowing this would be an issue in the morning.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Despite the late night, Artemis' biological clock woke him at seven precisely. He gathered up his clothes and towel and headed for the boy's shower room, which was surprisingly empty. Artemis wondered if any Slytherins were up at this time. Judging by the ones he had met this far, he decided they were probably lazy folk, and he began to wonder why he was placed in this house.

And that remark about his family being wizards. . . Could his mother and father be wizards? If so, why wasn't he showing magical talents without the medicine from Foaly? Artemis lathered the citrus soap in his hair, feeling comfort in the hot water hitting his back. He concluded that he would make a visit to the library after breakfast. Or perhaps ask a professor, like Snape, since he was the Slytherin teacher. For now, Artemis decided to put everything behind him.

Artemis pulled his Slytherin colored tie tightly to his collar and grabbed his black bag with his Dark Arts book and supplies for his first class. He didn't want to return to the dormitory, only to avoid a confrontation with Malfoy this early in the morning.

The dining hall had a few people from each house eating this early. Artemis looked around, not recognizing any of them, not that he would. It was better this way, he reasoned. _I'm not here to make friends. _Artemis sat down and grabbed an English muffin and some grape jam. He ate with such stunning posture, any normal kid would gape at him, because it would seem inhuman. He took a sip of pumpkin juice (which was stunningly new and delicious to him) and was quickly off to the library. Several people noticed how quickly he had come and left, but no one thought much of it.

Artemis found the library to be more impressive that he first imagined. Artemis figured the magical world was small in scope, but the fact alone that there were so many books proved that they had remained a very secretive society, one that had fooled millions of people.

Artemis Fowl understood that the more interesting half of the library was closed to him, but he had so much reading on his hands that it would be a while before his curiosity would bring him to the forbidden section.

He picked a book about the history of Hogwarts and sat down at a table with it. The first few chapters were about the lives of the headmasters, Dumbeldore being one of them. But before he could read about Dumbledore's life, Artemis' eyes were drawn to a Gryffindor girl with bushy hair and a rather attractive face. Artemis carefully and sparingly glanced at her reading and scribbling down notes. He found that there was something poetic about writing with a quill rather than typing on a computer or writing with a pencil. Not that he liked it more. It had been a while since the last time Artemis had a callus on his finger.

Artemis found himself immediately attracted to the girl, but he had always had a policy about girls. A girl would disturb his studies and most likely get into his wallet. He remembered a term he had heard on the streets of Dublin. Something about a "gold digger". (We all know the only reason why he could remember that is because of the word "gold" in it.)

Artemis shook his head and continued reading, but he was distracted by her. She looked so wrapped up in her studies. _Maybe_, Artemis thought, _we could be friends . . . To study with each other. She looks my age. _

Artemis Fowl was no stranger to his own mentality. Something would not stop bothering him unless he came up with an idea to subside it. So Artemis picked up his book and walked over to where she was sitting.

Hermione Granger looked up at the dark, cool eyes of a boy she had never seen before. She noticed the Slytherin colors on his tie, and immediately became suspicious of him.

"Yes?" She asked, in a rather snobbish way. She was no stranger to a Slytherin.

Artemis, personally, felt like he had done something wrong. Had he come on too strong? Was it wrong of him to not have addressed himself right away? Did he look too angry? Artemis' insides curled up, wondering what he could've possibly done to make her seem so . . . Angry. But then again, he had heard about how some girls were very moody, for no reason. If this girl was like that, Artemis definitely didn't want to get involved with her. But, for the sake of not being rude, he continued with his plan.

"I . . . I'm new here, even though I'm a third year. You seem like you care about your studies," Artemis swallowed hard. "I was wondering, if you're not too busy, if you could tell me some basic things that everyone else knows." Artemis played the "I'm just a little blue-eyed bunny who is lost in a big scary world" personality. The girl seemed a little stunned by what he said. She thought for a few moments and then looked back up at him.

"Sure," she blushed slightly. Artemis pulled up a chair across from her. "What would you like to know?"

"Well, everything. But I do have one specific question. Is it at all possible that if two wizards have . . . An offspring, could that offspring be non magical?" He asked. She nodded.

"Yes. Here in the magic world, we call them Squibs. They are usually rare, but they do happen," Hermione didn't ask why he was asking this question, since it wasn't her business. Artemis nodded. He looked up, and became embarrassed.

"I'm sorry. My name is Artemis Fowl," Artemis sighed. Hermione smiled at him. Artemis' heart skipped slightly.

"I'm Hermione Granger. And I'm a Gryffindor," She seemed to be reminding him. Artemis nodded, recognizing the colors on her emblem.

"I'm a Slytherin," He stated dumbly. Hermione giggled.

"I know. I guess you don't have many friends there, though," she half smiled. Artemis titled his head.

"And what do you mean by that?" He asked, playing along for the moment.

"Slytherins and Gryffindors house rivals. And even when a Slytherin doesn't have any friends in their house, they don't go making friends with Gryffindors," Hermione picked up her things and appeared to have been leaving. Artemis wondered at this.

"So what are you saying? You don't want to be my friend because I made it into the Slytherin house?" he asked, a little disappointed. She started walking away from him.

"I just thought you should know," She turned around and smiled at him teasingly. Artemis smirked and followed her.

-.-.-.-.-.-

The first of Artemis' classes was certainly not one to base first impressions upon. He stepped in to find a cozy abode, turned classroom. Opium incense dangled in the air, silks from India covered tables and cupboards. Artemis found that it reminded him of the sprite in Ho Chi Minh City. The room was far too warm, and musky. There were only a few other students in the room now, since he had decided to come early. He sat at a small table, alone. The table had a beautiful blue and golden trimmed cloth. Artemis gingerly put his Divinations book on the table and waited for the rest of the students to arrive.

The room filled quickly. It seemed that students arrived at the very same time, just minutes before the class was to begin. Artemis opened to the first page of the book, looking to see what kind of class this would be. He caught a glimpse of palm reading and crystal ball nonsense. Artemis furrowed his eyebrows, knowing that this sort of stuff was rubbish. He quickly closed his book when the tables around him started to fill up.

Two boys sat in the table directly in front of him. One had flaming red hair and the other had a pair of glasses that reminded him of a stereotypical nerd. He tried not to eaves drop, but the red headed one mentioned something about "scabbers", which made Artemis wonder. He had never heard the term before.

"Where is she?" the red haired boy asked. The other boy shrugged. A mysterious voice came from somewhere.

"Welcome. How nice to see you in the physical world at last," A woman, as her voice quivered. Artemis resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

A funny looking woman stepped in. Her hair was estranged, everywhere. Her glasses magnified her searching eyes. She was dressed like a fortune teller. Artemis had hoped this school wouldn't reflect stereotypes (he always found that to be interesting), but so far, everything was exact. The robes, the pointed hats, he had even seen some broomsticks, assuming they were for flying.

Artemis realized that the girl from the library was sitting with the two boys in front of him. His heart jumped a little, but then he focused his mind on the teacher.

"Welcome to Divination," the woman began, who had seated herself in a winged armchair in front of the fire. "My name is Professor Trelawney. You may not have seen me before. I find that descending too often into the hustle and bustle of the main school clouds my Inner Eye."

Artemis held back a snicker this time. Her over zealous tone seemed to make him take this school less seriously. Professor Trelawney continued to idly talk about the class, meanwhile, he interest was lost. He watched Hermione in front of him. Suddenly, the woman addressed a boy sitting by one of the first tables. He looked up, worried. Artemis studied this.

"You boy. Is your grandmother well?" She asked, as if making it clear as to what she was about to say. The boy seemed taken off guard.

"I . . . I think so," the boy replied, and Trelawney shook her head.

"I wouldn't be so sure if I were you, dear," She grimaced fakely. Artemis raised an eye brow, wondering if anyone in the class was taking this seriously. After more preparation, Trelawney made a prediction of someone's disappearance, and Artemis, this time, did snicker a little. Hermione looked behind her, and gave him an approving look.

Artemis lost a little of his arrogance once Trelawney had predicted that Neville was to break her china. He reasoned quickly that it could have been a coincidence, considering the boy was obviously nervous at the threat of his grandmother's health. In fact, everyone in the class seemed to stop as she had predicted this tiny incident.

Fowl poured tea into his cup, swirled the dregs, and emptied the cup. The filterings at the bottom seemed to be in a difficult manner. Artemis consulted his book to understand what he was seeing, but nothing came to him. The two boys in front of him were joking around about "needing their Inner Eye tested". Artemis was glad to know that he wasn't the only one to not take this seriously.

Trelawney quickly moved to Hermione's table and inspected the cup from boy with the glasses. She let him know that his cup was filled with horrible signs. First, a deadly enemy, then an attack, then danger in his path, and then death. Artemis ignored it and looked back at his boring cup. There was a brown blob that remotely looked like a lion . . . Or a jelly fish. Artemis slammed his cup down, finding this to be silly, a ridiculous way to read the future. Just as his cup clinked on the table, another cup shattered on the ground. Artemis found that it was the same boy that had broken his other cup.

"I don't think it looks like a Grim," Hermione spoke up. Artemis watched her again. Trelawney had a look of distaste for Hermione.

"You'll forgive me for saying so, my dear, but I perceive very little aura around you. Very little receptivity to the resonances of the future," Trelawney was clearly pretending to be polite about the matter. Hermione seemed shocked, and Artemis also felt some sort of hostility from Trelawney. At this, Trelawney dismissed the class. Artemis was quick to be at Hermione's side.

"Ridiculous class, if you ask me," Artemis spoke suavely. Hermione remained silent. They walked from the stairs from the tower, books in hand. Artemis was hoping she would speak.

He found that his next class, he would be with Hermione again. It was a class called Transfiguration, which Artemis thought sounded much more interesting than Divination. In that class, he realized that the teacher, Professor McGonagall, found Divinations to be a joke. Artemis was now expecting this class to be absolutely serious. After all, he had seen his McGonagall turn into a tabby cat in front of his eyes.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Artemis had always enjoyed the Ireland country side, but something about Britain made him feel like he was back at home. The grass was too green not stare at, so he walked to his Care of Magical Creatures class with his eyes on his feet. The two boys from Divinations walked behind him a few feet. The two of them seemed very close, like life long mates. Artemis felt a tinge of desire to be part of their group, which was a very strange feeling for Artemis. He had never had any friends his age before. He certainly questioned why he felt like this. Something very strange, indeed.

Fowl came to a beautiful wooded area, where the large caretaker stood, waiting for his whole class to arrive. Artemis spotted Hermione in the small crowd and quietly stood beside her. She looked at him and smiled. A few more people arrived, and Hagrid started his lesson. Artemis was interrupted in Hagrid's speech by Ron.

"Just think, not too long from now, we'll be in Potions, getting ripped on by Snape. I feel like gagging already," Ron whispered hastily. Hermione said nothing. Artemis looked at Ron.

"I could help you. I've already read through much of my Potions book and found it to be much like chemistry, which I excel in," Artemis stated. This was no new news to him. Potions was too similar to chemistry, which Artemis was a genius at. Artemis even understated the fact that he was theoretically good at potions. Artemis was wondering what had made him offer his help. When was the last time he did that?

Ron seemed to recoil at the fact that Artemis was talking to him. Harry also seemed confused. Without seeming interested, Hermione listened to what Ron and Harry would do.

"Could you say that again?" Ron asked. Artemis wondered if the red headed boy had heard him correctly, or if he was being sarcastic.

"I was offering you my help in potions," Artemis furrowed his eyebrows unconsciously. Ron sneered.

"And you would," Ron said mockingly. Harry looked at Artemis, and could tell he was being literal. He nudged Ron in the side to get him to stop before he went on a tirade.

"Ron, with your previous grades, you could use the help, regardless of who helps you," Hermione quietly giggled. Artemis smiled at her joke. Ron squinted his eyes at Artemis, as if he was inspecting him.

"And you're serious?" Ron asked in disbelief. Harry cut in.

"You're a Slytherin," He said quietly. Artemis felt prejudiced against for one of the first times.

"Yes," Artemis seemed to retort using the one word. Ron nodded.

"Well, could you come by tonight after classes?" Harry asked, taking assertive action, realizing that Ron was not quite sure about Artemis yet. Artemis nodded courteously. He turned around to face Hagrid. Hermione smiled up at Artemis, who then smiled back.

A few moments later, everyone stepped back from Harry when Hagrid asked for a volunteer to ride Buckbeak. Artemis found it a very daunting name, and didn't want any broken bones here, because he was unsure of the medical care in the magical world.

Harry approached the Hippogriff with caution. Draco crossed his arms and insulted Harry (something about fainting and a dementor), which the Slytherins supported with a laugh, with the exception of Artemis. Hermione was glad he didn't join in.

"Why does that boy give me a headache every time he opens his ugly mouth?" Artemis rubbed his temples.

"I've seen better looking stink worms. Not to mention nicer smelling," Ron whispered between Artemis and Hermione. The two of them snickered. Draco heard this from a distance and walked up to Artemis, while Harry was now airborne on Buckbeak. The group clapped.

"What was that, weasel?" Draco asked, Crabbe and Goyle coming up from behind him. Artemis stared at Draco with cold eyes.

"I recall him saying something about your face being a tad bit more disgusting than a troll's arse," Artemis crossed his arms. Draco's jaw dropped. Ron was nearly in stitches, the same for everyone except the Slytherin bunch.

"What was that, _Artemis_?" Draco said his name syrupy. "Isn't that a girl's name? Was your gender mistaken at birth?" Artemis scoffed. As if he hadn't heard that one before, although it wasn't often he was insulted.

"As a matter of fact, Artemis is a bisexual name. Bisexual means either a girl OR boy's name. And if you'd like, I'd gladly drop my pants to prove just how wrong the doctor's could've been," Artemis almost seemed to hiss. This last part was not true. He would leave his pants on, that was sure.

"Talk is cheap, Fowl," Draco sneered.

"You could easily be mistaken for a girl, Fowl," Draco showed a horrible, toothy smile. Artemis felt thoroughly disgusted and pulled his fist back to punch Malfoy (although, Artemis knew logic was the only was to solve adult arguments, sometimes, physical violence was the only resort to a school boy feud). But before he could let loose, Hermione grabbed hold of his arm. Artemis immediately stopped. She looked at him with fiery eyes and then at Draco.

In a massive turn of events, she punched Draco in the stomach. Artemis' eyes widened, as did Ron. They both almost laughed, just as Harry landed on Buckbeak. The crowd burst out in applause and laughter from what a girl had just done to Malfoy. Ron and Hermione ran out to Potter. Artemis watched Draco, Crabbe, and Goyle move away from the crowd, huddling together, whispering. Artemis didn't like how secretive they were. Ron, Hermione, and Harry walked back to the crowd of students.

"Would anyone else like to try?" Hagrid offered, knowing that he would not get as lucky with the next student as he did with Harry. Draco stomped out towards Buckbeak, and Hagrid started pleading with a determined Malfoy. Artemis, Harry, Ron and Hermione all watched, knowing Draco would ruin this for everyone else.

Buckbeak threw Malfoy to the ground, and Draco immediately started crying and holding his arm. Hagrid got control of Buckbeak and went to see the damage.

A soft wind swept through the trees as the four watched Hagrid carry Draco to the school, whilst Draco never relented to yell at Hagrid, and threaten him with the trouble he'd be in. Harry kicked the ground.

"Leave it to that git to ruin Hagrid's class," Harry swore under his breath. Ron bit his lip and looked up at Artemis.

"I know you're in the Slytherin house, but do you honestly respect that whelp?" Ron asked Artemis. Artemis understood the rivalry of Gryffindor and Slytherin, so he let it go for now.

"Absolutely not. In fact, he's my least favorite of the bunch, which is saying something," Artemis watched Hagrid and Draco disappear. Ron nodded.

"You're okay . . . For a Slytherin," Ron said reluctantly. Artemis smiled a little.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Butler became impatient with the progress. Foaly had promised he would let Butler know when Artemis had reported to him. But it had been a week now, and Butler had started cleaning his gun only to relieve nervous tension. He walked down the wide staircase to the kitchen, where he could smell Juliet or Miss Fowl making dinner. It smelled like . . . Chili. Juliet had always been good with chili, but no one in the Manor seemed to like such a food. Butler was relieved at this.

"Hey Dom," She called and kept stirring. Butler smiled at her.

"How is Mrs. Fowl doing?" He asked, always using the title Mrs. when talking to someone. Butler was not about to get his hopes up that Mr. Fowl was alive, although he hoped Artemis Senior was still alive, as unlikely as it was. Juliet nodded.

"She's been doing better since. . . Well . . . You know," Juliet referred to meeting fairies a few months prior. Butler nodded in agreement. There was a silence that loomed in the air for a few moments before Butler decided to let her know his feelings.

"I think that Artemis is going to try to find his father, if he hasn't been already," Butler seemed worried. Juliet looked up at him and grimaced.

"He certainly does have the resources," Juliet smirked, wondering if Artemis really could find his father and return him to the household. Now wouldn't that be a great adventure, Juliet entertained thoughts.

-.-.-.-.-

Artemis found dinner time at Hogwarts to be much better than at any private school he had ever been to. The food magically appeared on the tables. It was obvious to Artemis that there would be no caviar, but the food that was available wasn't too bad. He found it to be the most sanitary buffet he'd ever known. Two boys across from him stuffed their faces with pork, not bothering to stop and clean off their faces. Artemis winced. Draco had noticed that Artemis was looking at Crabbe and Goyle with wide eyes. Draco smiled slyly.

"Beastly, aren't they?" Draco moved his plate next to Artemis'. He scooted over, and Artemis wondered if he was just going to cause trouble. If that was the case, Artemis would move somewhere else.

"Quite," Artemis replied shortly. Draco shifted, watching how perfect Artemis' posture was. After a few moments, Draco spoke again.

"My god, you're a stiff," he retorted. Artemis looked at him with a blank stare. _What the bloody hell could I have done to him to make him so annoying?_ Artemis gingerly cut his ham into tiny bits and ate daintily, especially in comparison to Crabbe, whom was making an idiot of himself. It was almost as if he had never eaten in his life. Draco struggled to keep a conversation with the Irish boy. He visibly revealed his arm in a sling, but Artemis ignored this too.

"Did you find Divinations as dreadful as I did?" Draco asked, over hearing Artemis mention it to Hermione. Artemis knew this, because he had caught Malfoy in the corner of his eye at that time.

"Quite," Artemis repeated, trying to let Draco know that he wasn't interested in conversation. Draco seemed to ignore this aspect.

"Trelawney is a nutter. I'm going to tell my father about her, maybe get her off the staff," Draco sneered. Artemis grimaced.

"How very boyish of you to run to your father about something so pithy," Artemis sipped his pumpkin juice. Draco glared at him, and ended the awkward conversation.

-.-.-.-.-

The next day, Artemis finally got a taste of Snape's lessons. He seemed fine until he forced Ron to cut some ingredients for Draco, and then yelled at him for it. Artemis cut his own daisy roots. His ingredients were just as they were supposed to be, said the book. Artemis was not especially keen on cutting up caterpillars, but he followed the directions, and his Shrinking Potion turned out absolutely perfect. Artemis found this to be easy, because all someone had to do was follow directions. How could anyone fail this class? Yet, the nervous boy from Divinations, know known as Neville, had turned his potion orange. Snape seemed to strike fear into the poor boy, as Artemis realized. Hermione offered her help, and as Artemis smiled at this, Snape yelled at her for it. Artemis shrugged, wondering if Snape was just having a bad day, ignoring what Ron had said the day before about him.

"Hey, Harry," a boy named Seamus Finnigan leaned over to Harry, "have you heard? Daily Prophet this morning, they reckon Sirius Black's been sighted."

"Where?" Harry and Ron asked quickly. Artemis and Malfoy listened in on their conversation closely.

"Not too far from here," Seamus whispered, looking quit thrilled with himself. "It was a Muggle who saw him. 'Course, she didn't really understand. The Muggles think he's just an ordinary criminal, don't they? So she phoned the telephone hot line. By the time the Ministry of Magic got there, he was gone."

"Not too far from here. . ." Ron repeated. Artemis wondered what Sirius had done to get so much attention. He figured the man was probably just a common criminal, like in his world. But if there was something significant about this man, he WAS a wizard, maybe the two of them would cross paths one day. . . Maybe. . .

Draco's whiny voice pierced through his thoughts.

"If it were me, I'd want revenge," He said. Harry seemed confused.

"What are you talking about?" He asked. Snape interrupted the conversation, letting everyone know that their potions should be completed. Snape continued to torment Neville be threatening him with his toad. Artemis suddenly realized that Snape was a controlling sicko. But this would not get in the way of his studies. He found that he was good at potions, not only theoretically now. He was also now planning to work with Hermione, Harry, and Ron on a report Snape had assigned on liverworts. Artemis enjoyed writing papers, since it came relatively easy to him.

-.-.-.-.-

Professor Lupin stood before a large wooden cabinent wardrobe that sounded as if something resided in it. It shook and quivered, and the students wondered what was in it. Artemis starred at it curiously, in a collective group of students. Hermione leaned over to Artemis.

"It's a boggart. I heard Professor Lupin talking to Professor McGonagall today about it. I'm not sure how to defeat them, but from what I've read, they transform into your greatest fear," Hermione informed him. Artemis shook his head and scratched his chin in thought.

Lupin explained just that and coached Neville about how to defeat it. Ron lightly jabbed Harry in the ribs with his elbow and looked at Hermione talking with a Slytherin.

"Look at her. . . All matey with the enemy. What is she at?" Ron asked. Harry wondered why this was getting Ron annoyed. Harry acted nonchalant.

"It just proves our theory about her bais with attractive guys. Lockhart, him, who was the other guy?" Harry asked. Ron shrugged.

After Neville had successfully turned a bad thing worse, everyone hurried into a line. Artemis managed to get to a close spot at the front. After the students in front of him went, Artemis was eager to find out what his greatest fear was, since he couldn't really think of a major one. Death maybe? His mother finding out how much school at St. Bartleby's he had actually missed? What?

The boggart turned into a man with short, black hair (like Artemis'), who was lying on the floor, blood seeping out of a wound in his shoulder. Was that his father? Was that the man that was dead? He was dead? Before Artemis could fully assess the situation, he shouted "riddikulus!" and the body was replaced with lollipops. Few nervously laughed at this, wondering what was seriously going through Artemis' mind. Then, Ron went with his fear of spiders.

Harry was ready to go up, but Lupin jumped in the way, and the boggart turned into a dark night sky, with a stationary moon. Hermione and Artemis were some of the few that wondered why Lupin was afraid of the moon. They looked at each other before Lupin managed to dismiss class hastily.

Everyone else was all chatter about what they had just accomplished, how proud they felt, how fun it was. Hermione and Artemis walked back to their dormitories together, knowing that the both of them were thinking about it.

"I wonder why Professor Lupin would be afraid of the night," Hermione spoke up. Artemis nodded.

"Or perhaps he's afraid of the darkness. I guess that wouldn't be so unusual," Artemis commented. Hermione nodded, holding her books closer to her chest.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

After a few days of these classes, Artemis found that Ron and Hermione were easy to anger with each other, and eventually, Hermione found herself spending more time with Artemis. Harry had tried to be the peace keeper among the two, but his attempts were failed ones.

Artemis sat in the Gryffindor common room, wondering if he was allowed in. Crookshanks, a long haired, orange cat purred softly on his lap. Their common room was much better lit than the Slytherin common room. Hermione sat next to him, doing her Arithmancy homework. Artemis had already finished his homework for the night. Harry was away at Quidditch practice, and Ron was obviously avoiding Hermione.

"Did you come from a Muggle family?" Artemis asked, breaking the comforting silence. Hermione looked up at him.

"Yes. Both of my parents are Muggles, and they were very proud to know that I am a witch," Hermione wrote something else down. Artemis nodded.

"How about your parents?" She asked. Artemis cautiously approached this.

"I don't know. I really haven't spoken to them in a while," He replied. Hermione seemed curious, but didn't ask any further questions. Artemis smiled, hoping that someday, he would know his father.

The only memory that Artemis could muster wasn't a vivid one. He could remember his mother, his father, and Butler walking down an adorable street, with tiny little shops, other families walking about, the air clean and cool. It wasn't Dublin, he knew. They had taken a plane there. The colors were like a carnival almost. His father's voice had faded in Artemis' head, but he could still remember what he had said.

"Want some candy, Arty? There's a place just down this street," He father said. His mother's smile was a faded one, but Artemis still knew. Her summer dressed was covered in what he thought were daisies. Butler walked behind them, looking around, paranoid.

The candy store was equally as colorful, with a strange, turning invention in the window. On the window was the name of the shop, but Artemis' memory had failed him in what it was called. The letters were yellow and enchanting looking. The store's scent was sugary.

Artemis tore from his memory, wondering if he should hold onto it or not.


	3. Mulch, Quidditch Enthusiast

**A Dreadfully Convenient Crossover And the Prisoner of the Arctic Incident**

By Spectra16

A/N: Wow, this is becoming a gimongo story. Is that wrong? Well, if any of you find something I should change, please let me know. I'm up for all criticism. And yes, I know that some of this story seems a bit rough draft-like . . . And well . . . It is.

Disclaimer: I don't own Artemis Fowl, Harry Potter, or A Series of Unfortunate Events. Duh.

Yes, I will continue and finish this story. Even if it kills me.

Speaking of finishing, guess what series ends October 13th, of this year? Yes, it's a Friday. Did you guess yet? Yup, Series of Unfortunate Events! Truthfully, I haven't kept up with the series, but I intend to. I don't know when the next Artemis Fowl and Harry Potter books come out. Meh. I assume the new Artemis Fowl is coming soon. Harry, not so sure.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Chapter Three: Mulch, Quidditch Enthusiast

Mulch, kleptomaniac and on the run from LEP authorities, often paid visits to Hogsmead and Hogwarts.

Of course, he never made mention of this to the Underground. Even though he had agreed to help out LEP a few months ago, with the special case of Artemis Fowl, he had never given out additional information, knowing it may prove useful for another tight spot. Mulch liked the taste of the magical countryside of Britain. Although, trips like these were on occasion. . . And strictly business.

The mudmen in this area could not be mind wiped like normal mudmen, because of their magical status, and invisible appearance from the Underground. But, it wasn't like the mudmen here would see Mulch. He was a master at deception and his quick fingers made the job easier.

Mulch had been tasked to steal from Hogwarts quite a few times. The first time, Mulch had been curious about the place (few in the Underground actually know about it, or have returned after the discovery). A man named . . . Well . . . Mulch couldn't remember his name, but he had been a mudman wizard who wanted a few ingredients from the school stocks. Another man shortly afterward (must have heard the news from the first man) asked for a certain painting in the staircase hall. He had been in and out in under two minutes, which he found impressive. Then there was this time. Fed up with the fact that he couldn't remember his employers names, Mulch was determined to know this one, but he had refused his name, and instead, wanted to be referred to as Parseltongue, which as Mulch understood it, meant that he could magically talk to snakes. (Mulch didn't dare question his employer's sanity at this point.)

This trip at Hogwarts was different. He wasn't there to steal something. He was there for surveillance. Parseltongue had requested that he listen in the conversations on of Albus Dumbledore (the headmaster) and a student named Harry Potter. Parseltongue had given Mulch three Remembrals for his stake out at Hogwarts. Mulch was never one for remembering things. His job called for short term memory, not long term.

Mulch hid closely beneath the surface of the Hogwarts' walls. Parseltongue had supplied him with a map of the floors and the rooms, which Mulch found extremely useful (obviously). He listened in on classroom discussions and on the dormitories, most often. Dumbledore was often traveling the grounds, so he was harder to predict where he would be.

A muffled jostle was heard in the next room, and Mulch pressed his ear to the wall. He knew this was Harry and his friend talking.

"What about Sirius Black?" The red haired friend asked.

"There's no way he'd come out during daylight and attack Harry," A girl spoke softly, Mulch could barely hear her.

"Hermione's right. Everyone knows what he looks like. He wouldn't dare come after me in Hogsmead," Harry spoke now. Mulch made a note of the fact that a man named Sirius Black could be after Harry. Maybe that would be useful, Mulch noted. There was a short silence.

"You have Quidditch practice tonight, correct?" Hermione asked.

"Yeah, why?" Harry asked.

"Artemis, Ron, and I are coming to watch . . . And study for that palm reading test tomorrow," Hermione announced. Harry smiled. Ron scoffed, although Mulch couldn't hear that.

"That Fowl boy? You fancy him, don't you?" Ron asked bitterly. Hermione seemed to take offense.

"No, his company is much easier on my mentality than yours is! He can actually help me with homework when the professors are busy! He's not bad . . . For a Slytherin," Hermione argued. Mulch perked up, hearing an all too familiar name.

_Did they just say what I think they said? It couldn't be. Not Fowl. LEP would've noticed if he had magical powers . . . Or did they know? That would explain why he made it seem easy to fool LEP. . .This is interesting._

Disregarding the fact that the Remembrals were for Parseltongue's business, Mulch made a note of this fact. The facts dusted off as he quickly went to find more information.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Artemis and Hermione sat on the cool grass in the evening, besides the Quidditch field. Ron was at Hermione's side, copying her notes. Artemis watched the purple/indigo sky, taking a break from the cramming. He had found Divinations to be as big of a joke as Hermione, Ron, and Harry did. When he found out about Trelawney predicting Harry's death at every chance, he hadn't taken the class seriously.

Hermione tapped her nose with the feather of his quill, thinking about nothing really. She watched Harry follow the golden Snitch, as did Ron. Artemis had studied the basic rules of Quidditch, but like all sports, he did not feel the need to partake in them. Although, since he had never seen a Quidditch game, he was feeling anticipation for the Gryffindor/Hufflepuff game.

"I must admit, I've heard you three talking about Harry accomplishing quite a few things, and I get the idea that he is a young, yet impressive wizard," Artemis stated. Hermione and Ron then realized that Artemis didn't know half the story, probably because he had obviously lived with Muggles for his whole life. They also wondered why, if that was the case, he was a Slytherin. Before Hermione could be polite about the situation, Ron spoke up.

"Are you bloody crazy! He was the only survivor of an attack from . . . You-know-who," Ron exclaimed. Artemis raised his forehead.

"No, I don't know who," He replied nonchalantly. Hermione shot a glare at Ron.

"You-know-who is an evil wizard, one who has killed many people. He's become so powerful, so power hungry, that he has been able to leave his human form. After he attacked Harry, he was weakened and has been in hiding . . . Ever since our first year, when he came to the school," Hermione had been cut off by Ron.

"Harry single handedly defeated him again! And then last year, he took his old form and attacked Harry again, but he survived again!" Ron said excitedly. Artemis seemed a little taken back by all of the common knowledge he had missed.

"Wow. I guess you guys are lucky to have such a great friend," Artemis stated. Ron smiled.

"He saved my sister, Ginny. She had been speaking with Tom Riddle's journal, you know who's human form. She felt really bad about it afterwards. He's really modest about all that he's done," Ron watched Harry just as he caught the Snitch. The sky was darkening, the color a deeper pink. Artemis then realized something.

"Why can't you speak the name of that evil wizard?" Artemis asked. Hermione titled her head.

"No one does, except Harry and Dumbledore. I believe that those two are the only people who do not fear him," Hermione replied.

"What is the name?" Artemis asked. Hermione pulled out her Dark Arts book and pointed it out. _Voldemort_. Artemis looked up at her, just as Harry ran up to them.

"Hey, guys," Harry breathed hard, quite sweaty in his Quidditch uniform. The three stood up and walked back to their dormitories, laughing about silly things they encountered during the day.

-.-.-.-.-

Ron, Hermione, and Artemis said their goodbyes to Harry as they left for Hogsmead. Ron was nothing but talk of Honeydukes. Artemis admitted that everything he described sounding quite delicious and entertaining, but Artemis wasn't one for candy. But he could, indeed, try a little. Hermione, now out of her robes and into some of what Artemis considered to be "normal" clothing, now made her look more slimming.

Hogsmead seemed strangely familiar. The sky was clear, the air was cool. The streets were overwhelmed with Hogwarts students. Artemis wore his tie loosely round the collar of his black sweater. He found ties to be a good thing to fiddle with. He knew it was a bad habit, awful looking to his business partners, but he could control it then.

Ron's rat, Scabbers, poked his tiny head out of Ron's baggy pockets, surveying the area. Artemis finally revealed a contented smile, and Hermione was quick to notice it.

"You don't look so intimidating when you smile," She said quietly. Artemis blushed a little.

"Er. . . Thanks," He replied. Ron tried not to notice this.

The three of them found Neville looking in Zonko's Joke Shop. Hermione smiled at him, as if he should feel guilty, but she wasn't going to stop him. They continued to Honeydukes, and as Artemis stepped onto the street, Artemis' replacement for his father's voice spoke to his mind.

"Want some candy, Arty? There's a place just down the street," the voice repeated. A soft breeze pushed wrappers and leaves along the ground, circling Artemis' legs. He looked up at the street, wondering if this had been the place. _This couldn't be. . ._

"Yes! Finally!" Ron opened the door violently, and a tiny bell dinged. Artemis and Hermione took their time. Hermione opened the door, another ding rang. Artemis stopped outside of the store, looking into the window. "Honeydukes" was painting in yellow letters on the outside of the window. Artemis felt Butler's comforting presence there, even though he was back in Dublin. The tiny roundabout, colorful taffy puller turned around slowly, with an enchanted taffy spinning on it. Artemis had seen that before, he was sure.

"Artemis?" Hermione saw that Artemis' face looked quite pale. "Are you alright?" Artemis snapped out of his daze at the sound of his name, although, he had thought the voice was his mother's. This was obviously not so. He looked wide-eyed at Hermione.

"Yes. I'm fine," He answered quickly and entered the store.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Ron returned with all of the candy he could carry, and gave most of it to Harry, whom looked quite disgruntled by the fact that he couldn't attend the trip to Hogsmead. Artemis understood that Harry's guardians had not signed his permission slip to Hogsmead. Maybe it was for the better, since Sirius Black was still at large. Artemis found himself sitting at the Gryffindor table for the Halloween feast. The Slytherin table had already given him too much grief for hanging around them, why not rile them up more?

Ron also told Harry all about the post office in Hogsmead, Zonko's Joke Shop, Honeydukes, and Three Broomsticks. Harry seemed disappointed, but also interested. Artemis ate a few more Bertie Bots, now sure that they were his favorite. Once Ron was done talking, Harry told about what he had done while they were away.

"Lupin invited me for some tea, when Snape came in. Lupin has been very sick looking all year, and Snape had concocted a potion to ease his illness," Harry began.

"Lupin drank it? Is he mad?" Ron spoke with his mouth hanging open. Harry nodded. Artemis had taken a strange liking to Lupin by now. Artemis looked up, and instead of floating candles, there were lit Jack o' lanterns about the air. Hermione reasoned with the boys, telling them that Snape wouldn't blatantly poison Lupin on front of Harry. They seemed a little more at ease.

The night was filled with fun festivities, granted by the house ghosts. An certain excitement filled the air, and Artemis certainly enjoyed himself. Artemis finally parted from Harry, Hermione, and Ron. He sleepily announced the password and went to his room. Luckily, Draco was not in bed yet.

Artemis pulled out the syringes and loaded one up with the liquid that Foaly had provided him with. It had been a few days since Artemis had been afraid to stick himself, but now, it was just another part of his routine. He did not dwell on it anymore. Just as he had finished cleaning up, Draco stormed into his room and throw his books on his neatly made bed. Artemis watched him with icy, blue eyes. Multice hooted at the sight of Draco. Malfoy quickly realized he was being watched and turned around to face Artemis.

"Is it customary in Ireland to oogle someone? Or do I have to come over there and shank you to prove my point?" Draco had developed a habit of biting off Artemis' head every time they came in contact. Artemis brushed away a piece of his hair.

"I'll leave you to your idle conflicts," Artemis pulled out a piece of parchment to write to Butler. Hermione had explained the reason for buying an owl in Diagon Alley. Artemis was impressed by the fact that the domestication of owls for sending letters was used by wizards for _reliable_ communication.

_To Butler,_

_My stay at Hogwarts has been nothing less of eye opening. I am well, and in awe of my surroundings. Tell Foaly that I have made quite a bit of progress in understanding the area, but I'd like to stay for the remainder of the year. As much as this may seem strange to you, I have made friends here. I'm sure they see me more as an asset for studying, rather than a true friend, but it is progress, nonetheless. I'm sure you'll find this interesting and entertaining. _

_Tell mother I am well. Say hello to Juliet for me. Send a letter with this owl. If any news on my father reveals itself, please let me know. _

_From Artemis_

Artemis opened Multice's cage, and the bird stretched it's wings at the window. Artemis was a bit hesitant with the next thing Hermione told him to do. ("Just tell Multice where to take the letter. He'll know!")

"Multice," Artemis began, realizing that Draco was snickering at the unsure ness of his voice, "Take this to the Fowl manor." Artemis tied a string onto the owl's leg and it hooted thankfully, and took off. Draco faced Artemis as he turned from the window.

"Your friend Hagrid will be in big trouble once the Ministry finds out about his hippogriff. My father works for them," Draco said teasingly. Artemis had no idea why he was acting so rash.

"Sounds like the apple doesn't fall far from the tree in terms of being an absolute ninny," Artemis pulled out a book he had checked out from the library about the history of famous Slytherins. Draco twitched with anger.

"I'm sure your father was just as arrogant and snobbish as you," Draco pulled out his pajamas and started changing in the corner.

"I never knew him, so I wouldn't know," Artemis ignored the insult and pretended to read, laying down on his bed. He would've been relieved to relax at this point, but the tension in the room prevented that.

"What, did he run off on your mother before you were born?" Draco sneered. Artemis was nonchalant about the situation, his family being insulted to his face. Artemis controlled his temper at this point. Draco was not worth blood and sweat.

"No, some say he died in the bay of Kola, in Russia, doing business," Artemis replied. Draco noticed he wasn't retorting like he had wanted. Instead, he wanted to find out anything interesting that he could pass around to the rest of the students.

"And what do you think?" Draco asked, with a pinch of care.

"I think he's alive. Why he hasn't contacted his family is beyond me," Artemis didn't look up from his book.

"How long ago was his disappearance?" Draco asked.

"A little more than a year," Artemis replied shortly. Draco smirked.

"Sounds dead to me," he replied and pulled his shirt about his head. Artemis looked at him and clenched his jaw.

"Russian officials have found all of the bodies of the dead, but not my father's. It's been so long, officially, he is dead. But I'm not so quick to give up," Artemis spat. Draco seemed more interested in what he was saying than to make fun of him. He didn't understand why he felt this way. When was the last time he hadn't been out for blood?

"Where do you think he is?" Draco asked, laying down on his belly, facing Artemis, on his bed.

"Russia, most likely. Unless he's hiding for some reason. I couldn't imagine why he's being so secretive now. Perhaps someone has him in custody and not released the news. Anything is better than him being dead," Artemis paused, and Draco said nothing. "I would like to meet him. I don't know what I'd say." Artemis looked up at Draco, who seemed completely interested now.

"What does your father do?" Draco asked seriously. Artemis hesitated. He assessed telling Draco, but figured it was fine. Slytherin's were so anti-Muggle, there was no harm in it. He hadn't spoken to anyone except Butler about these things that tugged at his heart.

"He usually is involved in illegal ventures. I mean, the last time I say him was when I was nearly ten . . . I think. I don't remember him at all. I don't even think I really know what he looks like, besides the fact that I have a photograph of him at the manor," Artemis looked at Draco's blonde hair. Blonde, like his mother's.

"Do you think your father was a wizard? I mean, since you don't know him," Draco guessed. Artemis thought about the possibility and shrugged.

"I guess he could've been. But on terms of my mother being a witch, I doubt it. She's never done anything magical. Or if she has, I haven't seen it. I wouldn't assumed that by now though," Artemis sighed. Draco furrowed his eye brows.

"Why would you have assumed it if you just found out about magic this year?" Draco asked. Artemis closed his book and set it on the desk.

"Well, I've known about magic for a while, but just this year I found out about people that can wield magic. Last year, I had a run in with underground fairies. I blackmailed them," Artemis smiled proudly. Draco showed a toothy, entertained smirk.

The night was filled with conversation about the two of their lives (Draco shared his business about the Death Eaters and Voldemort, while Artemis told him about Butler and Foaly) until 2 o'clock. Artemis found it hard to sleep, considering the two of them had just spilled their guts about their secrets. Once he found sleep, it was haunted with horrors.

Artemis found himself in a dark room with a large book and a quill. Words appeared on the page.

_Hello Artemis Fowl. I'm Tom Riddle._

Tell me where you are.

_I'm in Hogwarts. _

Can you see me?

_No. But I can feel you._

You tried to kill Harry Potter.

_I killed his parents. And I can kill yours too. But it wouldn't matter much to you. Your father is about to die in the bay. Your mother is slipping as well._

Silence! Don't you touch my parents!

_You know I can. Would you like a nice lightning bolt scar as well? I'm sure that would be admirable._

I don't like this.

_You know, you and I could be quite the team. You're of noble birth. You feel like a Death Eater. You mind with my wand. We could kill more unworthy people._

I steal, Voldemort. I do not kill.

_But you have killed. _

Artemis looked up from the book and found that black hooded figure reaching out at him. It screeched, and Artemis dropped the book to cover his ears. The feeling was cold and depressing. Artemis backed up into a wall. The dementor came closer, inches from his face.

"Sirius . . . Black," It wheezed. Artemis felt such a powerful fear of it, he wanted to faint, but he was sleeping. Then . . .

Artemis awoke, seeing the same sight. A dementor leaning over him, and Artemis' vision seemed to make everything look like it was melting away.

"No," He gasped. The dementor touched him lightly, as if making the impression that it didn't take much to scare his mind out of his skull.

"Sirius is here. . ." the dementor spoke. The door to the dormitory burst open and Dumbledore strode into Artemis and Draco's room. The dementor immediately jumped out of the window in a desperate attempt and flew out over the field. Dumbledore, looking quite livid, watched it until it was out of sight and then became attentive of Artemis. He found Draco standing next to Snape. Artemis assumed he had run to get help. He couldn't help but still feel unsafe. That thing had approached him twice.

"Are you alright, Artemis?" Dumbledore asked, handing him a piece of chocolate. Artemis's eyes were wide and searching.

"What happened?" He asked. Dumbledore looked at Snape and then back to Artemis.

"Draco called Professor Snape when he heard you talking in your sleep," He said quietly. Draco spoke up.

"Yelling was more like it," Draco crossed his arms.

"And when I stepped in here, there was a dementor. Did it say anything to you?" Dumbledore asked, still looking angry. Artemis nodded.

"It kept saying 'Sirius Black'. It said that before, when it approached me on the train," Artemis bit down on the chocolate, shaking now.

Draco walked over and stood at Artemis' bed.

"At least you didn't faint, like Potter," Draco laughed nervously. Dumbledore spoke up.

"That's enough, Draco."

-.-.-.-.-

Dumbledore had asked Draco and Artemis to not speak of this event, but Draco couldn't seem to find anything more interesting. Pansy, Lawrence, and a few other Slytherin boys all surrounded Malfoy in his story telling. Artemis avoided the crowd and finished his potions homework. Hermione stared at the Slytherin troop.

"Sounds like you've had quite the night," She addressed Artemis. Artemis still felt shaky since then. His hands quivered when he wasn't trying to stop it.

"It was horrible. I actually think Draco wants to be friends with me," Artemis said, as a joke. Hermione laughed a little.

"The Gryffindors had an equally eerie night. The Fat Lady, the painting in which we give the password to and enter our house, was slashed by none other than Sirius Black, himself. We had to sleep in the dining hall. Everyone was paranoid. It's amazing that Sirius got into the school," She informed Artemis. He wondered why the dementors had allowed him to slip by. They must've been resourceful creatures, considering they did a lot of searching. This explained why the dementor had awoken him. He paused and then leaned over to her.

"Who is Sirius Black?" He asked. Her eyes widened and she pulled out a Daily Prophet with his face on the front page. The pictures moved, just like the paintings. There was a man with greasy hair, yelling and looking quite livid. The large caption above it was "Have You Seen This Wizard?"

"The dementors that are around the school, they are looking for Sirius Black. Word has it that he's after Harry," Hermione's tone saddened. Artemis looked back at the picture of Sirius. He only now hoped that the dementor would find him.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Snape slyly walked around the room, passing out the papers he had assigned on liverwort and dogwood. Ron and Harry were feeling quite confident about their papers because of the two nights they stayed up late with the Irish Slytherin that offered his help. Not to mention, Hermione had helped them out a bit as well.

Snape handed a scroll to Artemis, eyeing the Irish boy.

"Well done, Mr. Fowl," Snape said Artemis' last name with pride. Artemis opened it, finding outstanding marks. Artemis smiled proudly and hoped Ron and Harry had similar scores. By the looks of their faces, they did not. Hermione didn't look so well either. Artemis tried to ask them what was wrong, but Ron shot him a dirty look. Artemis withdrew to his seat, and the torture of what went wrong pierced his mind through the rest of the class.

The bell rang and the students left. Artemis hurried over to Harry, Ron, and Hermione. They did not look as eager to see him.

"What happened?" Artemis asked, for lack of anything better to say. Ron glared at him. Harry handed him his scroll. Artemis found that Snape had written a long explanation of what he had done wrong. Ron's looked similar. Hermione had less on her paper, and a better score than the both of them, but it wasn't as high as Artemis'.

"How can this be? Our papers were nearly identical," Artemis asked, handing the scrolls back. Hermione looked bitter and sad.

"Come on, Harry. I told you we shouldn't have gotten help from one of them," Ron and Harry walked out. Hermione stayed behind.

"What's their deal? I helped! I did what I could! What did they do wrong?" Artemis asked, looking over his own paper. Hermione seemed tired.

"Professor Snape has always shown bias toward anyone that's a Gryffindor. It's not your fault," She said and started walking towards the door. Artemis stayed a few feet behind her, realizing that she didn't seem to want company. Just as she turned the corner, Artemis ran after her.

"Hermione-," he stopped. For a moment, he thought he saw her there, but she was obviously gone. Artemis furrowed his eyebrows and turned back into the potions room to talk to Professor Snape. But he, too, seemed to have disappeared in thin air. Was this normal for magical folk?

Artemis waited at Severus's desk, meaning to have a word with him. Snape busily cleaned his desk and then looked up at Artemis.

"Can I help you, Mr. Fowl?" Severus bellowed, eyeing Artemis.

"I'm sure you know this, but I helped Ron and Harry with the last report you had us do. I looked over their papers, and found that everything I had written was in their reports. I wondering why you felt they deserved a lesser grade for the same amount of work," Artemis knew that the sarcasm couldn't be hidden in his voice. Snape seemed amused at this.

"Are you implying that I am bias with grades of children in a different house?" Snape asked snidely. Artemis gave a stoic nod. Snape put his hands on his desk.

"Well then, I'll just have to show you that I expect the same out of everyone. Starting by giving you a detention tonight. Come around five," Snape spoke subtlety. Artemis was a bit taken back, but then regained composure and walked out.

-.-.-.-.-.-

With a Daily Prophet in hand, Artemis stepped into Snape's classroom. He found two other boys, red haired and identical, were sitting side by side, waiting for Snape to arrive, which would be any moment now. They both looked up at Artemis at the same time.

"Hey, it's the smart, kind-hearted Slytherin bloke," Fred raised his arms. George laughed.

"That was an oxymoron if I ever did hear one," George popped a grass flavored Bertie Bot bean into his mouth. He swung the tie on his finger around.

"You're an oxymoron, minus the oxy!" Fred lightly smacked George on the head.

"Sod off," George remarked shortly. Artemis sat a few seats away. Fred seemed shocked.

"What's the deal, Fowl? Come sit over here! We don't bite . . .more or less," Fred patted the chair next to him. Artemis, reluctantly, sat down. Snape was still no where to be found. Artemis starred at the picture of Sirius. Fred scoffed.

"What a dreadful publication you have there," He leaned over to see it. George leaned on the table to see.

"Not since they got that new editor, Fred. He had the strangest name . . . Lemony Snicket," George noted. Fred gave a quiet "ha".

"That sounds like a bloody good candy. Maybe Honeydukes could make something in his name," Fred grabbed the paper, Artemis was a little shocked by their intrusive behavior. George turned the paper to find Lemony's first article.

"I cut this out and stuck it to my wall. I'm so glad Snicket's watching over Skeeter's damn articles," George twirled his hair. Fred gave him a silly smile.

"Why do you care about the Prophet anymore? There's no pulling this one out of the sinkhole it's in," Fred peeled the pages. George pouted.

"At least they've finally hired an editor with a brain," George muttered.

"True that," Fred replied.

Professor Lupin looked rather sickly as he walked into Snape's classroom. His face was pale and his lips transparent. George and Fred were quite excited to see someone other than Snape, especially Lupin.

"Hey, Professor! Where's Snivellus?" Fred asked. Lupin tried to laugh.

"He's busy at the moment. I'll be watching you today," Lupin yawned, seeming to be rather familiar with Fred and George's name for Snape. Lupin slumped down in Snape's chair and put his feet on his desk, letting out a sigh of relief. Fred and George looked at each other in dire excitement. Artemis also felt relieved.

Artemis went back to reading the article about Sirius, the one that George's favorite editor wrote. Lupin found enough strength and pull up a chair across from Artemis. He stared at the picture of Sirius Black. Artemis noticed this and felt a tad uncomfortable. Lupin looked up at Artemis' eyes. He seemed to study them closer and then went back down to look at Sirius.

Sirius kept silently screaming in the picture, trying to escape the picture. Artemis found the man to be haunting.

"And to think, he escaped from the place in which everyone that was inescapable," Lupin muttered. Fred and George now paid attention to Lupin.

"What happens in Azkaban?" Artemis asked Lupin. Remus sighed.

"From what the public knows, the guards are dementors, the creatures that suck out your happiness. I've heard that every prisoner there goes out of his or her mind. Even Sirius was said to have gone insane from the dementors. Crazy, they say he is. Sirius' the first to have ever escaped Azkaban. I'd like to know how he did it," Lupin stared off into the distance, looking like he was remembering something far off. Artemis studied Lupin carefully. Something about him was being too remorseful about this situation. There was an awkward silence for a while, before Lupin spoke again.

"The bastard deserves what he got. I hope the dementors catch him," Lupin stood up and seemed to be going somewhere.

"Did you know the Potters?" Fred asked, wondering if he felt hatred for Sirius for that reason. Lupin sighed.

"Yes. He was my best friend," Lupin smiled.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Artemis was ready for another day of Dark Arts by Lupin. Harry and Ron were talking about new brooms and what they were going to do during the Christmas break. Hermione was busy sorting her things. Neville sat directly behind Artemis. He tapped Artemis on the shoulder, sheepishly at that.

Artemis turned around to face a quivering Neville.

"Yes?" Artemis asked politely, which contradicted what he knew Neville was expecting. Neville gulped.

"I was wondering if you finished your notes from yesterday," Neville said quietly. Artemis had his notes in front of him and lightly passed it to him. Neville smiled a bit and began scribbling them down.

At that moment, a pensive Professor Snape burst in the room and with a flick of his wand, closed each window that was open and pulled out a slide show. This sight was frightened and curious at the same time. Was Lupin sick again? Hermione and Artemis exchanged worried looks. Snape spun on his heels to face the class.

"Turn to page three hundred and fifty-four," He bellowed. Most everyone did what he instructed, Neville was quickest to. Artemis raised his hand.

"Yes, Mr. Fowl?" Snape no longer saw Artemis as a Slytherin.

"Where is Professor Lupin?" Artemis asked, looking at Snape in the eyes. Those eyes seemed so familiar. . .

"He is ill," Snape replied shortly and pointed the light at a skin he had pulled down. "We will be learning about werewolves. Page three hundred and fifty-four."

Artemis thought for a moment. Werewolves. . . They existed in this world. Ignoring what Snape had to say, Artemis assessed the situation clearly. Lupin's fear was of the moon. _Moony_ . . . Snape was skipping half the text book to study werewolves. What was the good of that? Why not any other dark creature? And Lupin took that potion made by Snape. . . Did that help the repercussions of a trasnformation? Snape must've known . . .

"Mr. Fowl!" Snape slammed his hands on Artemis' working space. Artemis jolted awake, back to reality. Hermione, Harry, and Ron looked shocked that Snape was outburst at a Slytherin like this. Artemis hadn't told them about his detention because of him sticking up for them.

"Yes, Professor?" Artemis asked nonchalantly. Snape looked livid.

"Where's your book?" Snape asked sarcastically. Artemis picked it up and flipped to the page. Werewolves. . .

"I suppose you'd like to serve another detention, Fowl?" Snape asked rhetorically. Artemis looked up from his book with a vampire smile. His face came inches from Snape's, whom was leaning over him.

"You can't sway me with your sweet words of temptation," Artemis replied sarcastically. Several people's jaws dropped. Draco was especially appalled by the fact that Artemis would say such a thing. There was an eerie silence in the room, like a calm before the storm.

"20 points from Slytherin," Snape bellowed, as if these words he had never spoken before. And most likely, they hadn't. Snape walked toward the slide placement. Artemis looked at Draco, just to see the look on his face. Draco seemed more shocked than angry. Their eyes locked, and for some reason, Draco's voice filled Artemis' head.

_"Are you bloody fucking mad, Fowl?" _Draco's voice could be heard, quiet, but there. Artemis wondered if he had just imagined the voice, or if it was some sort of telepathy.

_"No, not quite," _Artemis thought back. Draco perked up from his head resting on his hand. Artemis seemed to realize that Draco was equally confused by the fact that he could hear him too.

_"Did you just talk to me?"_ Draco asked, skeptically. Artemis nodded. Draco's eyes widened and realized Snape's voice strained more, so he focused on him. Artemis looked at Snape too. Snape continued to talk about the origin country of werewolves, but Snape's eyes focused on Artemis.

_"I know you can hear my thoughts, Artemis," _Snape's voice now filled Artemis' head. Artemis shivered. _What the hell? _Artemis turned around to watch the slides. He felt Snape's gaze burning into his head.

_"Don't you turn away from me, Fowl. It's harder to communicate without eye contact," _Snape's voice was muffled. Even though the rest of the students were busy listening to Snape's lecture, Artemis turned around to look at him. Snape was still glaring at him. Artemis swallowed hard.

_"See me after class, Fowl," _Snape continued to talk about werewolves. Artemis had never been through such a long Dark Arts class in his life.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Class ended, and before anyone had a chance to hit the door, he assigned a report on werewolves. The class gave a collective groan and were slowly leaving. Artemis quickly grabbed Hermione and put his face in her hair to whisper to her.

"Lupin," Artemis breathed, not able to find a good way to tell her what he thought of Lupin being a werewolf. "Do you think maybe . . ."

"He's a werewolf?" She asked inquisitively. Artemis nodded. Their voices remained barely audibly.

"I'm going to look at the moon phase charts to find out if he's always sick during a full moon. Tonight, there's one. That might be why he needs the potions from Snape," Hermione whispered. She looked at Ron and Harry as they disappeared from the room. Artemis sighed.

"Alright," Artemis said and released her. She walked out, wondering why Artemis had stayed behind. Artemis gathered his books into his bag and walked over to Snape, whom was lounging in Lupin's desk.

"Sir," Artemis spoke up. Snape stood up and walked around to him. He didn't seem angry in any way, but Snape usually could compose himself well.

"Mr. Fowl, only just today I realized that you were capable of telepathy," Snape started, waiting for Artemis to say something.

"Actually, I just found that out too, sir," Artemis set his bag down at his feet. Snape nodded.

"It's been quite some time since the last time I came across someone who was born with telepathy. Tell me, did you come across the ways in a book somewhere? Did you teach yourself?" Snape asked, keeping his hands at his sides. Artemis shook his head.

"I didn't know it was possible until today, Professor," Artemis spoke the truth, but Snape didn't look convinced.

"Speaking with your mind is hereditary, Mr. Fowl. All people who have this power are registered. I can contact your parents and find out if you are telling me the truth," Snape's voice dropped. Artemis wondered if an extended use of the toxant he was using was to blame for this extra sensory happenstance.

"Is there something you're not telling me, Fowl?" Snape sneered. Artemis looked up.

"Contact my parents if you'd like. My father's apparently dead and my mother's insane," Artemis spat. Snape didn't show any signs of sympathy.

"I most certainly will speaking with the Headmaster about you," Snape said and quickly walked out of the room. Artemis half heartedly picked up his bag and swung it over his shoulder, making his way to find Hermione.


	4. Punctilio vs Prophet

**A Dreadfully Convenient Crossover And the Prisoner of the Arctic Incident**

By Spectra16

A/N: I don't think I should feel so obsessive about a story. Meh. Just as a warning, there's a very blatant excerpt from Prisoner of Azkaban, you'll see it when it comes. I just didn't want to summarize that crucial part. I usually never copy parts of the book like that, because I've put so much of it in Artemis' perspective. So yeah, just wanted to bring that up.

If you like Marauders stories, please read Midnight Paradise stories. She writes some awesome/funny fics, but has like . . . Three reviews total. It's sad. Read the Notes story. I like that one.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, Artemis Fowl, or Lemony Snicket. I find it strange that both Harry Potter and Lemony Snicket books are on their last of the series. As for Artemis Fowl, I dunno. There's only four books to the series right now. If Eoin Colfer stops now, I'll slice open his head and steal his brain.

A/N: Um, yeah. I've totally obsessed over this story. I'm turning into a monster!

Sirius: I escaped Azkaban and all I got was this bloody T-shirt!

A/N: Anyways, I just completely rearranged the events in this story (since I hadn't been going off the Prisoner of Azkaban book before). So yeah, if you don't mind, you might want to read it over. There's added scenes and everything is . . . Rearranged. Complete make over. The first chapter is very much like the original. This is the first time I've ever drastically changed a story I previously put on fan fiction. I'm quite pleased with myself. Yes, I'm typing with my nose, due to being held in a straight jacket. I have no clue why the nice people in white gave me a laptop with internet access, which is more than I got at home (weird). But as punishment, I've been forced to listen to Sk8er Boi 24 hours a day. I've resorted to screaming to drown out the noise.

The food here isn't too bad. I like the jello a lot. And as another perk, Sirius is in my cell. He says 'hi' and 'save me'. I guess he doesn't like Avril Lavigne either.

Sirius: Well duh! At Azkaban, they made me listen to Pink, and I mentally convinced myself that I was a big fan. But this is too much! My brain is physically melting!

A/N: You like the food though?

Sirius: Oh yes. Definitely. At Azkaban, all they gave me was McDonalds French fries and pond water.

A/N: Aawww! (glomps Sirius)

-.-.-.-.-.-

Chapter Four: Punctilio vs. Prophet (Predator can come too.)

Artemis dressed in his favorite black sweater and his new Slytherin scarf as he hurried for the Quidditch field with Hermione and Ron.

"Harry was pretty nervous about this game. I don't understand why. We're against the Hufflepuffs. When's the last time we lost to them?" Ron chuckled to himself.

"Who's the Seeker on their team?" Artemis asked.

"Cedric Diggory," Hermione answered quickly.

The three of them exited Hogwarts into the field and found that the sky looked overcast, lightly raining. To prevent the rain from getting in Harry's eyes, Hermione charmed his glasses to be water proof. They hurried to the stands to watch the beginning of the game. The grass beneath their feet squished and instead of sitting with the Slytherins, Artemis sat with Ron and Hermione. The stands were already anxious for the game to begin.

Madam Hooch sent off the bludgers and the Snitch and all at once, the players started off on their duties. Artemis found this sport to be more intense that soccer and basketball, where the players have different duties, but they are all after one ball. In this game, you had several people flying around, dodging balls and the Seeker trying to catch one. Not to mention, other people trying to score some points on the other team during all of this conducted chaos.

After a while, Harry shot up into the clouds after the Snitch. Hermione and Ron were ecstatic, but Artemis was too busy watching to notice that he should be cheering as well.

Mulch watched through a window in Hogwarts. The one thing about human wizards that excited him was Quidditch. He had been excited about this job the most, because it would require him to stay for a long while, and be able to watch the Quidditch game. He often attended the Quidditch Cup, since few would notice him, with all the goings on. But then, out of the corner of his eye, he spotted something flying in the sky. It was a ghostly figure, cloaked in black, flying with a broom. Mulch was drawn from the game to search for it, but after a few moments, he went back to watching, assuming that his eyes were playing tricks on him.

Artemis was sure of it now, there were dementors in the sky, crowding in on Harry. He had seen it, felt it's cold nature. Ron and Hermione were cheering with the rest of Gryffindor. Artemis recalled when Harry had passed out in the train after seeing a dementor. With little will to move anywhere, he stumbled to the teacher's stands. He could see Dumbledore, also inspecting the sky. Artemis wondered if he had seen the same. Instead of assuming this, Artemis ran up to him.

"Artemis, where are you going?" Hermione called, with no answer as a reply. Fowl reached Dumbledore.

"I saw dementors . . . In the sky," Artemis wheezed. Dumbledore stood up and Artemis turned around, only to see Harry's body falling from the sky. His eyes widened at the sight of another dementor, which seemed to float down toward Harry. Dumbledore yelled something, but Artemis' mind was racing and did not hear what he said. Harry then floated to the ground, and his team mates raced toward him. Cedric caught the Snitch only seconds before Harry hit the ground. Artemis, Hermione, and Ron raced to him.

-.-.-.-.-.-

After a long while of trying to reassure Harry that it was not his fault that Gryffindor lost. Artemis, no longer wet from the rain, trudged up the stairs to the Slytherin common room after dinner. The room was darker than usual, and Draco was sitting in a chair by the fire place. He looked disgruntled and depressed. Artemis sat beside him, watching him.

"If I asked you what was wrong, would you answer me?" Artemis said quietly. Draco scoffed, as if he had rehearsed this.

"How can you stand Potter and his idiot friends?" Draco spat at the name. Artemis sighed.

"They are good people, Draco. I'm not one to judge by whom they were born of," Artemis was no stranger to Draco's hate for mud bloods. Draco calmed down.

"Yeah? Well, it's the only thing I know to be true," He squeezed the vinyl of the chair. Artemis looked at the fire flicker. He did not know what to say.

"Doesn't it seem logical to you that discrimination is foolish?" Artemis asked quietly. Draco sneered.

"Who made you a boy scout over night?" Draco asked sarcastically. Artemis got up and walked to his room.

When he sat on his bed to take off his shoes, something felt a bit out of place. He looked outside of his window to see if Multice was on his way, but there was no sign of the dark owl. Artemis sat on his bed to think about what kind of report he would do for Foaly. There were so many things he could say. This place was a whole other world compared to the one he lived in.

"Permission to enter, Fowl?" A tiny voice broke his thoughts. He looked out of his window to find a hovering Holly Short.

"Yes, come in," he said, trying not to seem shocked. She came in and stood before Artemis.

"Commander Root just wanted me to drop by and see if you were in one piece or not," Holly said bitterly. Artemis smirked.

"I suppose you were hoping the latter," He breathed. She ignored the side remark.

"Is there anything of importance that needs to be spoken of?" Holly asked. Artemis thought he heard footsteps in the other room.

"No. These people know of magical creatures, but nothing of the Underground. They pose much less a threat to the People than normal mudmen," Artemis said confidently. Holly nodded and put her helmet back on. She looked as if she was about to leave.

"Do you know if Butler received my letter?" Artemis asked quickly.

"Yeah. He contacted us right as he got yours. Your owl should be arriving soon. I crossed paths with him on the way here," Holly said and lept out of the window. Artemis felt a little relieved that Butler had gotten his letter. He felt safe now.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Butler had called for a meeting with Foaly and Root. His concern had now kept him awake at night. He didn't want to feel helpless anymore. Artemis was quite possibly in the worst place in the world, without him. Butler nervously fidgeted, waiting for them to arrive. The more time he wasted, the more of a chance Artemis would get into an impossible situation.

Root, Foaly, and Holly appeared on the Fowl manor grounds. Butler opened the front door, inviting them in. They seemed hesitant, but understood they were now partners.

"Any current news from boy wonder?" Root grunted. Butler had a deep intake of air.

"No, Commander. This is a request on my part," Butler spoke softly. Root could see this coming from a mile away.

"Yes?" Root asked the giant. Butler was not one to choke up.

"Artemis is in danger," Butler said in a serious tone. Root shrugged.

"We all know you're his body guard, and that he is pretty helpless without you, but we assure you, Holly checks up on him every week. He absolutely safe," Foaly replied. Butler shook his head.

"No, this is something completely different," Butler sounded despairing. Root, Foaly, and Holly were now more interested.

"What?" Root asked, puffing on a fungus cigar. Butler felt stupid, not having mentioned this before . . . But Master Fowl had said not to. . .

"You know Artemis' father is missing . . . Dead, really," Butler paused. "His father was a wizard. If Artemis knew . . . What he did . . . It would break his heart."

The room remained silent in Butler's pauses.

"He entrusted me to know . . . He faked his death at Kola, to live a separate life in the wizard world," Butler's hands began to shake. Foaly looked a little shocked.

"Why didn't you say something before?" Foaly asked. Butler shook his head.

"I figured everything would be fine. Artemis Senior told me he had changed his name, to hide his identity. Said he was sick of a life of crime. Said he wanted _magic_ again. I can't imagine why. He was so rich here," Butler stopped.

"Well, since we know that these people are no threat to the People, we can pull Artemis out of there if you think it would be necessary," Root held the cigar away from his face. Butler shook his head.

"That's just it. He's enjoying the school, just like his father. He says he's good at Potions, just like his father," Butler seemed confused.

"Were you ever planning on telling Artemis the truth?" Holly spoke up in the Fowl Manor, maybe for the first time.

"No. Master Fowl wanted it that way. Not even Angeline knows. Nor Juliet," Butler sighed.

-.-.-.-.-.-

(A/N: F&CKING DAMMIT! The next ten pages were written with an intense hatred for life and this story. My computer just decided to shit out on me and delete what I had worked so FRICKEN hard to accomplish within the last three hours. DAMMIT! So yeah, if the next few pages seem a little rushed, it's because I hate my life. Thank you. &3#4t! I need a smoke. And remember kids, always self-spaid or neuter your pets and always click the save button every ten minutes. I'm a shithead.)

The Christmas spirit filled Hogwarts with a familiar feeling of home. Artemis watched Professor Flitwick attend the Christmas tree in the dining hall. Tiny little ornaments floated and claimed a branch to perch on. Tiny little illuminated the hall in a different way that it was before. And the anticipation for another Hogsmead trip had the students up in a bustle.

Artemis' black loafers crunched the snow below him as he walked through the busy streets Hogsmead. Ron and Hermione had split up to find each other Christmas presents. They had agreed to meet each other at Three Broomsticks for a Butterbeer. Artemis was determined to speak with the owner of Honeydukes anyhow. And privacy was key.

He stood a few feet away from the window of Honeydukes, studying the painted letters on it. The yellow color did seem familiar. He had been there before, as a child, with his father and mother. The turning taffy puller with the colorful paintings, Artemis had seen that somewhere. Artemis was sure this place was in the only memory of his father that he had managed to hold onto. Artemis wrapped his bony fingers around the brass handle of the door and violently pulled it open. A tiny bell rang above him, as Artemis strode to the woman at the counter. She starred up at him, as if she had never seen such a dark boy come in a candy store.

"May I speak with the owner?" Artemis asked politely. She pushed a small, wrapped candy to him. He looked at it questioningly.

"Mrs. Honeydukes is in," The woman spoke with a tinge of Scottish accent in her voice. Artemis nodded.

"May I speak with her?" Artemis repeated, hiding his impatient behavior. She pushed her sleak glasses up her nose.

"You're doing so," She starred him down. Artemis flashed a reassuring smile.

"Mrs. Honeydukes, I'm Artemis Fowl the Second. I was wondering if you knew my father, Artemis Fowl the First?" Artemis rested his arm on the counter. Mrs. Honeydukes looked up at the ceiling, searchingly. A few moments tortuous moments flew by, and Artemis began to rap his fingers on his coat.

"Doesn't ring a bell, sorry dear," She looked apologetically.

"Thanks," Artemis was about to spin on his heels and leave quickly, but she seemed like she would speak again.

"But, there is a man who might, assuming you're looking for anyone who might know your father," Mrs. Honeydukes eyed Artemis. Artemis stopped and turned his head to face her.

"Yes," He said, waiting.

"Mr. Ollivander, he sells wands in Daigon Alley. He remembers all of his customers. Unless your father isn't a wizard. I've never heard the name Fowl before," she added. Artemis pressed his lips together.

"That's precisely what I'm trying to find out," He looked down. "Thank you for your help." Artemis started for the door when Honeydukes called to him again with clearing her throat. He turned to look at her. She held up the piece of candy he had ignored.

"Take this with you," She tapped the piece with her index finger. Artemis smiled courteously and held out his hand for her to drop it in. He stuffed it into his pants pocket and left with another "thanks".

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"THIS IS WAR, LEMONY SNICKET!" Rita Skeeter seemed to kick down the door in Lemony's office. Out of habbit, Snicket covered his head as the pieces of door flew into bits. He pulled his spoon out of his soup he had ordered for lunch and held it as a weapon, pointed towards Rita.

"Get away from me, you devil woman!" Lemony knew his editing her artcle would not go unnoticed. He had come prepared. _Remember, this all will be over soon. Dumbledore will find where Olaf is and then I'll pack my shit and leave. My god, this woman is scary!_

"I'LL END YOU!" were Rita's last words as she lunged at Lemony, forcing him to the floor.

Lemony threw her off and ran for the doorway (since all that remained of the actual door was shards of wood) and sprinted down the hallway of the Daily Prophet offices. Rita did not follow him. Lemony did not think about this until he was down to the first floor (ten floors down) and on the opposite end of the street. He then decided that if she tried anything funny, he'd turn her into a toad, since Lemony could still conjur _a little_ magic.

When he returned to his office, he found the place to be completely charred. Amazingly, his office was the only one that suffered and fire damage. Lemony found the remains of his broken type writer and the ashes of his rough draft of the Ersatz Ekevator. Lemony kicked the dust and immediately went to buy a new type writer and find out if his flat was still intact.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Artemis met Ron and Hermione at Three Broomsticks, and surprisingly, Harry was there as well. Artemis ordered a butterbeer and sat down with them.

"I thought you weren't allowed to come to Hogsmead," Artemis searched for an answer. Harry patted his chest.

"Fred and George gave me a map of all of the secret passages in Hogwarts, one of which leads to Honeydukes. It's called the Marauders Map," Harry smiled proudly. Ron looked gruff.

"Can't believe they didn't give it to me. . .," He muttered. Artemis sipped his butterbeer.

"Could I see that?" Artemis asked. Harry was about to pull out the map reluctantly, when he spotted Professor McGongagall, Professor Flitwick, Hagrid, and the Ministry of Magic's Cornelius Fudge. Ron and Hermione also realized this, and unceremoniously shoved Harry under their table. Luckily, it was just in time. Artemis, Ron, and Hermione did their best to look inconspicuous. McGonagall's green cloak gracefully swayed behind her steps. Hagrid, Flitwick, Fudge, and McGonagall sat closely to Artemis, Ron, Hermione, and a quite startled Harry.

Every word they spoke was clearly heard by the four. None of them looked directly at the teachers or Fudge. There was much speak of the dementors and the troubles at Hogwarts. Fudge did his part for the Ministry by putting their side forward.

"All the same," demurred Fudge, "they are here to protect you all from something much worse... We all know what Black's capable of..."

"Do you know, I still have trouble believing it," said Madam Rosmerta

thoughtfully. "Of all the people to go over to the Dark Side, Sirius Black was the last I'd have thought... I mean, I remember him when he was a boy at Hogwarts. If you'd told me then what he was going to become, I'd have said you'd had too much mead."

"You don't know the half of it, Rosmerta," said Fudge gruffly. "The worst he did isn't widely known."

"The worst?" said Madam Rosmerta, her voice alive with curiosity, "Worse

than murdering all those poor people, you mean?"

"I certainly do," said Fudge. Artemis sipped his butterbeer quietly. This was absolutely intriguing. Artemis was with Rosmerta on this one. What could be worse?

"I can't believe that. What could possibly be worse?"

"Do you remember who his-best friend was?" Fudge asked, leaning forward on the counter, with a look of intensity in his eyes.

"Naturally," said Madam Rosmerta, with a small laugh. "Never saw one

without the other, did you? The number of times I had them in here -- ooh, they used to make me laugh. Quite the double act, Sirius Black and James Potter!"

Harry dropped his tankard with a loud clunk. Ron kicked him. Artemis found Harry's hiding to be ideal, since they had no idea he was around. Artemis brushed his hair back again. It was longer than he felt was ideal.

"Precisely," said Professor McGonagall. "Black and Potter. Ringleaders of their little gang. Both very bright, of course -- exceptionally bright, in fact -- but I don't think we've ever had such a pair of troublemakers --"

"I dunno," chuckled Hagrid. "Fred and George Weasley could give 'em a

run fer their money." Ron hid a grin.

"You'd have thought Black and Potter were brothers!" chimed in Professor

Flitwick. "Inseparable!" Harry shuddered under the table, hoping no one had seen, but Artemis noticed.

"Of course they were," said Fudge. "Potter trusted Black beyond all his other friends. Nothing changed when they left school. Black was best man when James married Lily. Then they named him godfather to Harry. Harry has no idea, of course. You can imagine how the idea would torment him."

"Because Black turned out to be in league with You-Know-Who?" whispered

Madam Rosmerta.

"Worse even than that, rn'dear..." Fudge dropped his voice and proceeded in a sort of low rumble. "Not many people are aware that the Potters knew You-Know-Who was after them. Dumbledore, who was of course working tirelessly against You-Know-Who, had a number of useful spies. One of them tipped him off, and he alerted James and Lily at once. He advised them to go into hiding. Well, of course, You-Know-Who wasn't an easy person to hide from. Dumbledore told them that their best chance was the Fidelius Charm."

"How does that work?" said Madam Rosmerta, breathless with interest.

Professor Flitwick cleared his throat.

"An immensely complex spell," he said squeakily, "involving the magical

concealment of a secret inside a single, living soul. The information is hidden inside the chosen person, or Secret-Keeper, and is henceforth impossible to find -- unless, of course, the Secret-Keeper chooses to divulge it. As long as the Secret-Keeper refused to speak, You-Know-Who could search the village where Lily and James were staying for years and never find them, not even if he had his nose pressed against their sitting room window!" Artemis made a note to remember the name of his charm; Fidelus.

"So Black was the Potters' Secret-Keeper?" whispered Madam Rosmerta.

"Naturally," said Professor McGonagall. "James Potter told Dumbledore that Black would die rather than tell where they were, that Black was planning to go into hiding himself... and yet, Dumbledore remained worried. I remember him offering to be the Potters' Secret-Keeper himself."

"He suspected Black?" gasped Madam Rosmerta.

"He was sure that somebody close to the Potters had been keeping You-Know-Who informed of their movements," said Professor McGonagall darkly. "Indeed, he had suspected for some time that someone on our side had turned traitor and was passing a lot of information to You-Know-Who."

"But James Potter insisted on using Black?"

"He did," said Fudge heavily. "And then, barely a week after the Fidelius Charm had been performed --"

"Black betrayed them?" breathed Madam Rosmerta.

"He did indeed. Black was tired of his double-agent role, he was ready

to declare his support openly for You-Know-Who, and he seems to have planned this for the moment of the Potters' death. But, as we all know, You-Know-Who met his downfall in little Harry Potter. Powers gone, horribly weakened, he fled. And this left Black in a very nasty position indeed. His master had fallen at the very moment when he, Black, had shown his true colors as a traitor. He had no choice but to run for it--"

Artemis found Black to be quite the character. A lifetime of friendship completely destroyed for . . . What did Black gain from Voldemort? Artemis didn't mind using the name. He wasn't afraid of a being he had never contorted with. Black sounded like the darkest type of betrayer. _If Potter and Black were such good friends, why was it so easy for Black to betray him? Unless. . . He was forced to. Was Voldemort so powerful that he could control people? _Artemis found this situation most strange. But beyond Artemis' concern, he could almost feel Harry's insides twisting inside of him. It must be that telepathy thing, Artemis reasoned.

"Filthy, stinkin' turncoat!" Hagrid said, so loudly that half the bar went quiet. Artemis, Ron, Hermione, and Harry were almost sure this would end the conversation, with all of the ears now directed to them, but it went on.

"Shh!" said Professor McGonagall.

"I met him!" growled Hagrid. "I musta bin the last ter see him before he killed all them people! It was me what rescued Harry from Lily an' James's house after they was killed! Jus' got him outta the ruins, poor little thing, with a great slash across his forehead, an' his parents dead... an' Sirius Black turns up, on that flyin' motorbike he used ter ride. Never occurred ter me what he was doin' there. I didn' know he'd bin Lily an' James's Secret-Keeper. Thought he'd jus' heard the news o' You-Know-Who's attack an' come ter see what he could do. White an'

shakin', he was. An' yeh know what I did? I COMFORTED THE MURDERIN' TRAITOR!" Hagrid roared. Artemis found this to be most sloppy on Sirius' part. Perhaps he had hoped this action would make him less likely to have committed the crime. Only the strange ones returned the scene. It was supposed to bring some sense on danger on their part. Artemis found it to be most foolish. Like an episode of Scooby Doo.

"Hagrid, please!" Professor McGonagall hissed again. "Keep your voice down!"

"How was I ter know he wasn' upset abou' Lily an' James? It was You-Know-Who he cared abou'! An' then he says, 'Give Harry ter me, Hagrid, I'm his godfather, I'll look after him --' Ha! But I'd had me orders from Dumbledore, an' I told Black no, Dumbledore said Harry was ter go ter his aunt an' uncle's. Black argued, but in the end he gave in. Told me ter take his motorbike ter get Harry there. 'I won't need it anymore,' he says," Hagrid looked as though he were about to cry. His voice trembled with more details.

"I shoulda known there was somethin' fishy goin' on then. He loved that

motorbike, what was he givin' it ter me for? Why wouldn' he need it anymore? Fact was, it was too easy ter trace. Dumbledore knew he'd bin the Potters' Secret-Keeper. Black knew he was goin' ter have ter run fer it that night, knew it was a matter o' hours before the Ministry was after him.

"But what if I'd given Harry to him, eh? I bet he'd 've pitched him off the bike halfway out ter sea. His bes' friends' son! But when a wizard goes over ter the Dark Side, there's nothin' and no one that matters to em anymore..."

There was a dreadful, long silence after Hagrid's side of the story, the kind of silence that is polite when speaking of hard matters. Artemis had heard enough by now, but the group continued to talk about Peter Pettigrew's courage in standing up to Sirius Black. Artemis could feel that there was more to the story. He assumed that Voldemort had forced Black to tell him about the Potter's. There were still too many missing elements of the story. Artemis found that there were four boys as friends now; Black, Potter, Lupin, and Pettigrew. _Padfoot, Prongs, Moony, and Wormtail. . ._ Artemis shook his head, wondering where THAT had come from. These words continued to haunt Artemis, ever since he had been in Dark Arts, when Lupin's fear of the moon had popped into his head. . . _Moony._ Artemis' mind was at work before he was even aware. Everyone else was listening to McGonagall and Fudge talking.

_Was it at all possible that maybe Lupin is Moony? McGonagall did mention that Potter and Black, James and Sirius, had been . . . Ring leaders, as she put it._

_"I dunno. Fred and George could give them a run fer their money," Hagrid had said. _Artemis checked under the table to see if Harry was still waiting, and he obviously was. Fred and George were the ones that had given Harry the map with those names . . . _Padfoot, Prongs, Moony, and Wormtail. If the other three are Padfoot, Prongs and Wormtail, could that mean that Black knows the secret passages? Is this how he entered Hogwarts on Halloween? _Artemis rubbed his temples. Artemis focused on the conversation again. Ron and Hermione had remained quiet the whole time. Harry was still struggling through his shudders. Artemis didn't doubt that this was horrific news for him.

"Is it true he's mad, Minister?" Rosmerta asked with a sigh.

"I wish I could say that he was," said Fudge slowly. "I certainly believe his master's defeat unhinged him for a while. The murder of Pettigrew and all those Muggles was the action of a cornered and desperate man -- cruel... pointless. Yet I met Black on my last inspection of Azkaban. You know, most of the prisoners in there sit muttering to themselves in the dark; there's no sense in them... but I

was shocked at how normal Black seemed. He spoke quite rationally to me. It was unnerving. You'd have thought he was merely bored -- asked if I'd finished with my newspaper, cool as you please, said he missed doing the crossword. Yes, I was astounded at how little effect the dementors seemed to be having on him -- and he was one of the most heavily guarded in the place, you know. Dementors outside his door day and night."

Artemis found this fact also quite strange to the whole situation. Dementors, he had felt, were the most horrifying of creatures he had come into contact with in this world, in his world. The pain was more on a mental basis, but equally as dreadful. _Could it be that Black had no more happiness to offer the dementors? That certainly would seem possible. But if that's the case, why did the other prisoners react with insanity and loss of mind? _

"But what do you think he's broken out to do?" said Madam Rosmerta.

"Good gracious, Minister, he isn't trying to rejoin You-Know-Who, is he?"

"I daresay that is his -- er -- eventual plan," said Fudge evasively. "But we hope to catch Black long before that. I must say, You-Know-Who alone and friendless is one thing... but give him back his most devoted servant, and I shudder to think how quickly he'll rise again..."

There was a small chink of glass on wood. Someone had set down their

glass. Harry was sure this had to be the last of the conversation, even though his back pain was the least of his concerns, it was becoming very uncomfortable. Artemis had learned what he could, and was now piecing the elements together.

"You know, Cornelius, if you're dining with the headmaster, he'd better head back up to the castle," said Professor McGonagall. Several chairs scratched the floor under them as they moved. The group quickly left after they paid Rosmerta. Once they were out of sight, Ron, Hermione, and Artemis poked their heads under the table, to look into a horrified, ghostly face. Harry had started shaking a little. All of this was quite a bit more than was desired to know.

-.-.-.-.-.-

The holidays brought a healthy amount of snow on the Hogwarts grounds. Artemis preferred a light snow that drifted quietly and softly to earth. The kind that would crunch under your feet. But this beautiful sight was only beheld a short time, when Artemis finally decided it was in his best interest to go home and make a trip to Daigon Alley with Butler, to speak with Mr. Ollivander. Artemis left Multice with the school, along with his Christmas gifts for Hermione, Ron, and Harry. He had considered leaving something horrible for Draco, but he reasoned it was better not to draw too much attention to himself. Maybe he would yet. . .

Artemis' train ride back to Platform ¾ was boring, so he pulled out a small MP3 player to listen to his Scary Monsters album on the ride back, wondering what kind of greeting would be appropriate for Butler. He'd surely be at the station waiting for him. Several months with little to do was most likely a very uneventful time.

Artemis stepped off the train, just as Draco did one car down. The boys looked at each other for less than a moment, when Draco decided to stride over to him.

"Interesting you didn't stay with baby Potter, and protect him from the scary dementors," Draco joked, but not in a manner than was hurtful to Artemis. Draco often spoke harshly of Potter when the two of them were alone.

"I figured he fought off Voldemort three times, so a dementor shouldn't be too much of a problem," Artemis grinned. Draco grimaced.

"Whatever. So, are you going to see your family for break?" Draco unnaturally changed the subject. Artemis ignored it.

"Yes. Why? Aren't you?" Artemis asked semi-curiously.

"Well, yes, but I'll be spending a lot of that time in Daigon Alley," Draco tugged on his tie, which had already been loosened.

_Shit._

Draco seemed to be disgusted.

_Did you just say shit?_ Draco's voice intruded in Artemis' mind. Artemis clentched his teeth. He must have been thinking too loudly. Artemis almost laughed.

"Sorry, sometimes I think too hard," Artemis nearly blushed. Draco pressed his lips together, hiding a smirk.

"Why do you detest me? We're both Slytherins! We should be working together for the greater evil," Draco seemed rather haughty all of a sudden. Artemis felt rather exclusive now.

"I don't share your views, I guess is what it comes down to," Artemis picked his suit case up from the ground. Draco crossed his arms.

"It's more than that, and I know," Draco began, "You don't think I could be your equal."

Artemis knew Malfoy wasn't an idiot, but he also was not a genius. Artemis gripped the handle harder.

"Honestly, Malfoy, what have you done that you think I would deem worthy of a partnership?" Artemis asked inquisitively. The Hogwarts express pushed off with a great heave and a whistle. Draco smirked in a way that was trying to imitate Artemis' vampire-like smile. It wasn't nearly as clean.

"I've blackmailed you," Draco raised his chin.

"Oh have you? I supose you think the fact that I follow my father's footsteps is a real shock? Or that I discovered the People, and that someone would want to explot them? I don't care about them! They were puppets! I used them!" Artemis was about to chuckle, when Draco kept grinning. Artemis was wondering what Draco could possibly know about him that would be damaging.

"Well, I'm sure someone would be very expelled if the Ministry of Magic was to know about the fact that he was using a magic enhancer drug. You're not a wizard! You're a fake! A squib! A bloody Muggle!" Draco was grinning like a loon. Artemis figured Draco could've easily searched his belonging and found the solution. Artemis had a certain amount of bitterness clouding his eyes.

"I must be a squib. There's not other explanation for why I was put into the Slytherin house if my parents are wizards," Artemis repeated. Draco nodded.

"Exactly. In fact, I'm very willing to help you find out. I seem to have a much better understanding of the magical world-"

"I don't need your help! I'd rather do this on my own!" Artemis stormed off with his bags. Draco followed him through the transparent wall. Butler seemed a little shocked by the fact that two very similar looking boys emerged from.

"Hello Butler," Artemis said stiffly, trying to get Draco to take off, now that he finally was in the company of Butler. Draco looked up at the big man.

"Who is that?" Draco asked rudely. Butler starred him down.

"This is my bodyguard, Butler. Now if you would please leave us, we have important ventures to attend to," Artemis turned from Malfoy, but this didn't stop Malfoy from ending the conversation.

"Important like cheating people out of gold," Draco mocked and walked off toward someone who looked much like his father. Artemis looked behind him at the man who was dressed incredibly well and had long, blonde hair. The man seemed familiar, and Artemis got a strange chill when the man looked him in the eyes. Artemis quickly turned, finally feeling quite normal, or . . . As normal as you could feel carrying a wooden wand and a head full of ideas.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Sirius Black hadn't needed to search long to find Mulch Diggums, public enemy to the Underground. Black was inexperienced with the Underground (just as the Underground was inexperienced with him) but hiring a master thief couldn't have been too much more different in both worlds. Mulch was a short creature, standing as tall as Sirius' thigh. He looked rather grumpy, and was busy chewing something. Sirius knelt down at the sight of him.

"Sirius Black?" Mulch grunted. Sirius didn't put away his stern demeanor.

"Yes. I'm surprised you came. Then again, this job should be easy for you, and the pay is a lot more than I should be offering you," Sirius starred Mulch down. In a way, Mulch was a tad bit intimidated, not by the fact that he couldn't fight off Sirius, but because he had been to hell, and somehow managed to escape. Mulch almost saw him as a hero. Almost.

"I like how you chose to pay me the amount you could buy that stupid broom for," Mulch stated. Sirius nodded.

"You understand my circumstance though," Sirius muttered. Mulch grunted again. "And you remember my instructions?"

"Yeah. For 300 galleons, how could I forget?" Mulch smirked. Sirius was starting to enjoy the kleptomaniac's company.

"I can't tell you how grateful I am that you'll wait for the money. I have to reach my family's manor before I can get the money. Once this is all over though, I'll send it to you immediately," Sirius sounded sincere. Mulch figured that even if Sirius didn't send him the money, this job was extremely low risk, not worth anything in his eyes. Mulch nodded and went off to Florish and Blotts.

-.-.-.-.-

Mulch chewed his way through the floor of the darkened shop, seeing the warm interior. The window of the store reminded him of something from a mudman movie. The smell of pine hit his nose like a book. His goal was not hard to find, because it laid in plain view, on a pedestal.

The store, like all wizardry stores, had hexes up the arse to stop thieves from taking things. But for some reason, dwarves from the Underground could easily get past these hexes, since dwarves above ground were very different in size and complex.

Mulch snatched the bloody broom and bolted back into the hole he chewed through in the floor. As easy as this seemed, this wasn't the only part of the deal that Mulch had to comply to. He had to wrap it (what was the point?) and send it by owl for Christmas. It was to go to a boy named Harry Potter, the same boy was spying on for Parseltongue. This boy must've been something special in the under world. Sirius had strained to tell him that the broom was not to show any signs of who had taken it. Mulch found this to be easy, but he often wondered why Harry Potter was such a target of interest. He never wondered too much. He liked the money.


	5. Answers Among Ollivander

**A Dreadfully Convenient Crossover And the Prisoner of the Arctic Incident**

By Spectra16

A/N: I seriously had to stab myself every time I hated myself for writing that last chapter. After my computer crapped out halfway, I was about to cry because I had just gotten through editing the giant excerpt from Prisoner of Azkaban. I have no idea why I'm being so anal about this story. I don't know what's wrong with me. I've never cared so much about a fan fiction. I doubt there's a fan fiction I've written that's this long and I've been so attentive with detail. And I haven't destroyed the characters by making them emo! Yay!

I'm planning to continue Artemis' crazy adventure with using the next books, if I get enough people to read this one.

Sirius: What makes you think this story is good enough?

A/N: Excuse me? It's not like you've written 57 pages of stuff!

Sirius: I'm still skeptical. The Prisoner of Azkaban was an amazing book. J.K. Rowling kicked by ass, it was so good! I wasn't expecting any of that! I even thought I was a bad guy! I doubt you could kick my ass like she did.

A/N: -.- You know how strange that sounds? Anyways, I'm working on a big plot twist, just gimme a minute. . . . . There! I'm damn skippy about it. Can't you tell?

Sirius: Usually, when you're damn skippy, it's because the doctors gave you too much morphine. . .

A/N: No, I get damn skippy without it sometimes.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Chapter Five: Answers Among Ollivander (and the Story of a Man Who Has Never Burned Anything Down, Despite What You Have Heard)

_Sometimes when you are enjoying a book very much, you begin thinking so hard about the characters and the story that you might forget all about the author, even if he is in grave danger and would very much appreciate your help. The same thing can happen if you are looking at a photograph. You might think so hard about whatever is in the photograph that you forget all about the person that is behind the camera._

Lemony continued to type about a man that had taken his picture at his own funeral. The situation was an awkward one, you know, attending your own funeral. Luckily, the people attending it were not people he had known, and wouldn't be able to recognize him if they wanted to.

Mr. Snicket figured it was best to leave the Daily Prophet for a short time, in order to evade whomever burned down his office, which he assumed, was Rita in part. If not her, she had to be involved in some way.

Lemony remained in the VFD offices, in order for protection. M had visited him often, in order to bring him a blanket and some food. Reassurance was a tricky thing now, since once a member of the VFD of attacked, there was a very little chance he/she would remain alive for more than two weeks. Surely, the burning of his office was a warning from someone. Lemony sat awake most nights, wondering where he had gone wrong. _Maybe it was a bad idea to come back to the Ministry of Magic . . . And to speak with Dumbledore. News must travel so fast. The world is quiet here._

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Butler felt a bit out of place, but this was nothing new. In "normal" places, he was usually a foot taller than everyone else. His build was larger than the majority of men. Butler wouldn't call himself a body builder, since body building usually required the use of steroids. Butler could easily fight a body builder, since their bodies were only for show and strength contests, not combat.

But this was a different feeling of out-of-placement. Everyone was wearing strange clothing, like out of a fairy tale. All of the shops were quite British looking, but you'd never see anything like it in London. There were people flying on brooms, children carrying frogs and cats. There was laughing in the street, and children crying. There was a woman selling strange looking potted plants on the corner, and Butler had sworn he had heard one of them talking. Butler had had his share of strange things in the dealing of Artemis Fowl, and the last year, his ventures had tested everything Butler believed to be true. And now this? These were real people walking the streets! Not fairies or trolls or dwarfs or centaurs. _Humans_.

Artemis spotted the place where he had purchased his wand. The shop was tiny in size, but Artemis found it to be his favorite among all of the shops he purchased from when he was here to get his school supplies. Etched on the door was gold lettering, which Artemis always looked at.

_Makers of Fine Wands since 382 B.C. A single wand lay on a faded purple cushion in the dusty window._

Butler opened the door for Artemis and walked in. The place was tiny on the inside as well. Tiny, thin boxes were stacked upon each other, crowding the store so. Mr. Ollivander seemed to hurry from his place at the back of the store as he heard the closing of his frail shop door. Mr. Ollivander flashed a smile at both Artemis and Butler.

"Hello Artemis Fowl! How have you been?" Mr. Ollivander pulled a wand out of the mass of them and put it on his counter.

"Well. And you?" Artemis didn't continue with idle chat, but it couldn't hurt in this case. Mr. Ollivander seemed pleasantly surprised.

"I'm quite alright! The sun is quite bright today! And the world is quiet here," Mr. Ollivander smiled vibrantly. Artemis nodded, even though sun wasn't his most desired type of aspect for the weather. "Right, well, are you here for a repair?"

"No," Artemis replied quickly. Mr. Ollivander seemed quite puzzled by this answer. "I was told by a woman that you can remember every wand and customer of yours." Mr. Ollivander looked quite flattered.

"Well, I can usually remember my customers . . . But always my wands," Mr. Ollivander nodded his head. Artemis grinned at the man.

"Well, I was wondering if you could recall a man named Artemis Fowl. He's my father," Artemis explained. Mr. Ollivander shook his head.

"You're the only Artemis Fowl I've ever met, I'm sorry. There are other wand sellers, you must know. Your father might've bought his from someone else," Mr. Ollivander also seemed very apologetic. "May I ask why you want to know about your father's wand?"

Artemis stopped.

"It's not the wand I wish to know about. I was hoping maybe you knew something about him. He went . . . Missing quite a time ago. I'm also still wondering if he was a wizard or not," Artemis ended. Mr. Ollivander scratched his chin thoughtfully.

"What house did you end up in?" He asked, out of the blue.

"Slytherin," Artemis tried to hide his disappointment of the choice. Mr. Ollivander looked approvingly, as if he had knew that was coming. Artemis paused.

"I figured as much. Your wand, ebony, dragon heartstring. 13 inches. It's a Slytherin wand, definitely," Mr. Ollivander seemed to be thinking about something.

"Usually, when a dragon heartstring, or a unicorn hair, or a phoenix feather, the wands that use it, have certain purpose for belonging to whomever they go to," he started, "Your wand is the . . . Brother of someone that teaches at your school. You may want to ask him about your . . . Family." Mr. Ollivander was clearly trying to sugar coat the whole thing. Artemis was quick to point this out.

"I'm not a child, Mr. Ollivander. You have reason to believe that man is my father," Artemis shot him down. Ollivander winced.

"Potentially, maybe. There's no guarantee that he is you father. I've sold plenty of wands that were brothers to people with absolutely no relation. But usually, the brother wands chose _similar_ people. Like, in a parallel universe, someone who is almost exactly like you. Even if he isn't your father, there's a good chance that he is related to you," Mr. Ollivander wished he could avoid what he was about to say.

"Well, who is it then?" Artemis could almost feel Ollivander's answer before he spoke a word. Ollivander looked up at him with a serious stare.

"Severus Snape. His first wand was oak, phoenix feather, 11 inches. Said a group of kids were playing a prank on him and it snapped. His replacement was the brother of yours," Ollivander did not seem near as chipper as he was when Artemis came in. Artemis' heart was now in his throat, wishing it had been anyone but him. It all made sense, though. Snape could very likely be his father, since he had said the telepathy was a hereditary thing. Or maybe, hopefully, Snape was only related to him. There was still a slight chance that Snape was not his father. It could all just be a wild coincidence.

Butler was terrified. This whole deal with Foaly had been a bad idea. But, maybe this was what was suppose to happen. Artemis senior couldn't have expected to disappear for long, considering his son was a genius, and quite determined to find him. It was only a matter of time, Butler reasoned.

-.-.-.-.-.-

The last day of Christmas break came quickly for Artemis, who had been postponing the questioning of his mother, and replaced that time with research on the internet. It had been a long while since he had heard the tiny clicks from typing on a keyboard, since electricity wasn't needed or used in Hogwarts. Even Artemis' battery powered electronics had stopped working once he was in the Hogwarts vicinity. It was a curious effect, but it also showed him how well he operated without such advances.

Artemis stopped at his mother's room door. He grabbed the knob, but didn't turn it quite yet. He was afraid, she too, would know very little. And even if she did know, the fact that she had kept it a secret from him wasn't what he'd want either. Artemis didn't know what he'd do if his father was Snape. It would be quite an awkward situation, you know, having your father as your teacher. This wasn't something Artemis was looking forward to, either way.

He twisted the knob and pushed on the heavy oak door. The room smelled of heavy perfume, something that was surely his father's fault. His father's favorite clouded the room horribly. His mother had told him that, and the last time she was especially insane, she nearly asphyxiated herself with the stuff. The windows were open, and the thin white drapes flowed in the soft breeze. But the soft breeze was less soft than it was dreadfully cold. Artemis rushed to close the windows, but his mother sprung up in bed before he had the chance.

"Tim? Is that you? Why are you home so early?" Angeline called Artemis by his father's pet name. Artemis felt awkward, knowing that she didn't always recognize him. Artemis quickly closed the window, and the temperature was immediately warm.

"Timmy? Open the windows! Let them out!" Angeline's voice was higher than normal, a flirtatious tone. Artemis shuddered.

"I'm your son, mother," Artemis was near gritting through his teeth. Angeline giggled.

"Timmy, where's Arty? Is he at that dreadful boy's school? He should be home . . . With us. He's a smart enough boy," She sighed. Artemis smiled.

"Yes, about that, I was wondering if it would be okay for him to be transferred to a school in Britain . . . Hogwarts?" Artemis attempted to make his voice sound deeper. His mother was easily deceived.

"Come again?" She giggled. Artemis winced.

"Hogwarts? You do remember Hogwarts, don't you?" Artemis pretended that his mother would know, but his heart had dropped already.

"What are you talking about, Timmy? Come here!" Angeline teased. Artemis blanched and stood his ground.

"Well, I'm going to go back, just to see my old school. I'll be gone for quite a while," Artemis wondered why the light from outside was not getting to her yet.

"Prufrock Prep? Why would you want to go back there? Stay here with me!" Angeline softly yelled. Artemis wasn't sure what he was going to do with this situation. He wished he could just walk out, and that be that, but it wouldn't work that way. He paused.

"Mother, please. . . Would you like something to eat?" Artemis asked, realizing that it was nearing six o'clock. Angeline nodded quietly. Artemis quickly left the room and tightly closed the door behind him. Once he was in the hall, he was glad it went as smoothly as it did, and at the same time, if he had thought about it while talking to his mother, he would've thought the ordeal to be hard.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Haunted dreams filled Artemis' head once again. A collection of events of his life flashed by in instances. A thin man, dressed in prada, with short black hair, reached out his hand to Artemis. Behind the man was a dark night, street lights flickering off of a black sea. Snow was tightly packed on the ground. The man's breath was visible in a mist. His eyes were warm and comforting, even though this was not a real trait of the real Artemis Senior. Artemis wished this was real, and openly admitted to himself that it wasn't.

Artemis walked towards the man, hoping to be held. Artemis senior wrapped his arms around Artemis and fell backwards, down a long ways, before hitting a freezing cold sea. Artemis kicked for the surface, but he never seemed to reach it. Tiny bubbles filled the water around him, and he felt like sinking now. Artemis opened his eyes under water, to see a dark figure in front of him.

_Father. . ._ he reasoned. He swam towards it, and found that it was definitely not his father.

_"Sirius. . ."_ The dementor howled. Artemis gasped, taking in more water, but never seemed to die. Artemis kicked away from the dementor. The dementor effortlessly floated in the water towards Artemis. It was a ghostly movement, as if the dementor had no physics to abide by. It reached out to Artemis' face. Artemis, quite panicked, waved his hands back.

_"Sirius Black. . .,"_ The dementor sounded more agitated now. Artemis felt disconnected from the world now, realizing that all happiness he had harbored before was now gone. Death was now the happiest feeling Artemis could hope for. Such a deep depression was only postponed.

Artemis fell out of that thought, and faced Ron in a hallway, brightly lit by the sun. Artemis felt tired and dazed.

"D'you know what I see and hear when a dementor gets too near me? I can hear my mum screaming and pleading with Voldemort. And if you'd heard your mum screaming like that, just about to be killed, you wouldn't forget it in a hurry," Artemis said, but his voice wasn't his own at all. It was as if he wasn't in his own body. Artemis didn't understand the nature of this.

Artemis looked to his right and found a troll, just about to come down on his. Artemis dodged it, flinging himself on the ground. The troll crushed the ground where Artemis had once stood.

Fowl sprang up in his bed, wondering why his nightmares were full of these strange things. Everything seemed so animated, so impossible. Artemis took deep breaths and sipped some water in a cup next to his bed. He laid back down, and starred up into the ceiling for hours.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Artemis returned to Hogwarts to find that Ron and Harry were rather cross at Hermione for separate reasons. Harry had hurriedly explained to Artemis that for Christmas, he had received a Firebolt, an international standard broom, and that Hermione had told McGonagall on him because of their suspicions that it was sent from Sirius Black. Artemis found this to be clever and foolish at the same time, on Sirius' part. Every day, Artemis was finding things he did not like about Sirius' tactics. Sending a highly expensive broom to the kid you're trying to destroy? Surely, if Harry were to use it, it could injure him, or be jinxed. But Sirius would obviously know that people would have their suspicions about a mysteriously sent broom. Artemis wondered how Sirius could go so unnoticed at Hogwarts. If he knew this, he would've had to have seen the Quidditch game. Artemis shuddered. Sirius Black was definitely roaming around the school. Perhaps he had an Invisible Cloak, like Harry. But wouldn't the Marauder's Map see him then?

Artemis also discovered that Ron had a feud with Hermione about her cat, Crookshanks. Apparently, Crookshanks had attacked Ron's poor, old rat, Scabbers. Scabbers was definitely old for a rat. Crookshanks was probably doing him a favor this way. But all Artemis could do was comfort Hermione, who resorted to crying most times.

Classes resumed, and were more frustrating as ever, to Harry and Ron anyways. Artemis spent longer hours helping them. Trelawney had moved onto palmistry, and even though Artemis didn't take this class seriously, he couldn't ignore the fact that he had a short life line. Trelawney obviously made a bigger deal out of Harry's life line though.

Hermione spread out a chart on the floor of the Gryffindor common room. Artemis knelt next to her, inspecting the sheet.

"Three times Professor Lupin has been sick. And all three times match up with the few days after and before a full moon. The potion he takes before his transformation must be to prevent it. Snape obviously knows he's a werewolf. He assigned that paper, when he could've assigned anything but. Not to mention, Lupin's cloaks are tattered and sewn, which could mean. . .," Hermione didn't intend on finishing her sentence. Artemis was hesitant to tell her about his theory on Lupin being Moony from the Marauder's Map, simply because it was still a theory.

Artemis smiled at Hermione. She rolled up the moon phase chart.

"You're not going to tell Ron and Harry, are you?" Artemis asked semi curiously. She shook her head.

"Lupin doesn't need anymore grief. Werewolves are prejudiced against, not that I would expect Ron and Harry to do that. But if someone were to hear us talking about it, Lupin's career would be on the line. Plus, Harry is learning defenses from dementors, in case they come into the Hogwarts field again like last time," Hermione continued. Artemis nodded.

The common room door burst open as Ron and Harry hastily ran to her. Harry had his Firebolt with him, and Artemis realized that it must've been in the clear now. People in the vicinity rushed to Harry and several had the nerve to ask to hold it. Harry was reluctant to allow people the pleasure. Artemis knew that if he possessed such a thing, he wouldn't do as Harry had.

"See Hermione? There was nothing wrong with it!" Ron smiled. Hermione crossed her arms.

"Well, there might have been!" Hermione restated her thoughts.. "I mean, at least you know now that it's safe!"

"Yeah, I suppose so," said Harry. "I'd better put it upstairs."

"I'll take it!" said Ron eagerly. "I've got to give Scabbers his rat tonic."

Artemis watched as he took the Firebolt and, holding it as if it were made of glass, carried it away up the boys' staircase. Ron was quite the character, seeming to take everything so seriously.

"Can I sit down, then?" Harry asked Hermione.

"I suppose so," said Hermione, moving a great stack of parchment off a

chair. The moon charts were on top, and Artemis was afraid that Harry would see them. But it did not happen. He supposed Harry wouldn't be such a threat to Lupin, since they seemed to get along quite well. However, if such knowledge were to reach Malfoy, things would be disastrous.

Harry looked around at the cluttered table, at the long Arithmancy essay on which the ink was still glistening, at the even longer Muggle Studies essay ("Explain Why Muggles Need Electricity" and at the rune translation Hermione was now poring over.

"How are you getting through all this stuff?" Harry asked her.

"Oh, well -- you know -- working hard," said Hermione. Close-up, Harry saw that she looked almost as tired as Lupin.

"Why don't you just drop a couple of subjects?" Harry asked, watching her lifting books as she searched for her rune dictionary.

"I couldn't do that!" said Hermione, looking scandalized. Artemis silently laughed.

"Oh, let her be, Harry. She's a genius of a witch," Artemis smiled broadly. Harry scratched the side of his head.

"Arithmancy looks terrible," said Harry, picking up a very complicated-looking number chart. Artemis knew that both Hermione and him enjoyed Arithmancy quite a bit, and it was quite easy to run through with two minds at work.

"Oh no, it's wonderful!" said Hermione earnestly. "It's my favorite

subject! It's --"

But exactly what was wonderful about Arithmancy, Harry never found out.

At that precise moment, a strangled yell echoed down the boys' staircase. The whole common room fell silent, staring, petrified, at the entrance. Then came hurried footsteps, growing louder and louder -- and then Ron came leaping into view, dragging with him a bedsheet.

"LOOK!" he bellowed, striding over to Hermione's table.

"LOOK!" he yelled, shaking the sheets in her face.

"Ron, what --?" Hermione asked rather innocently.

"SCABBERS! LOOK! SCABBERS!"

Hermione was leaning away from Ron, looking utterly bewildered. Harry looked down at the sheet Ron was holding. There was something red on it. Something that looked horribly like --

"BLOOD!" Ron yelled into the stunned silence. "HE'S GONE! AND YOU KNOW

WHAT WAS ON THE FLOOR?"

"N -- no," said Hermione in a trembling voice.

Ron threw something down onto Hermione's rune translation. Artemis, Hermione and Harry leaned forward. Lying on top of the weird, spiky shapes were several long, ginger cat hairs.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Not ten minutes after the three of them made up, Ron was already mad at Hermione again, and vice versa. Harry and Artemis had tried repeatedly to get one to talk to the other, but this sort of thing had to cool down before anything could be done. Instead of comforting Ron and Hermione (for fear of taking sides), the two of them started talking together more.

"Professor Lupin is showing me a spell called "Patronus" . It's used to divert the dementors to feeding on a field of happiness, instead of feeding on your own happiness. He says it's quite advanced, but I've gained a lot of ground during his lessons," Harry walked to Divinations with Artemis.

"Does he have an explanation for why you faint around dementors, and others don't?" Artemis asked. Harry nodded.

"He says its because I have a darker past than most. Because of my parent's death, you know?" Harry paused as the two of them walked up the staircase to Trelawney's tower. "Every time I get near a dementor, I can hear my mum pleading with Voldemort."

Artemis immediately recalled that sentence from his dream at the manor. It had been Harry that said that, not him. Artemis took in a deep breath.

"Harry, that's . . . horrible. I don't really know what to say," Artemis looked at him in the eye. The two of them stopped on the stairs.

"I've heard about you being attacked by dementors too, Artemis," Harry started, "I know that because I survived attacks from Voldemort, I have been given special treatment . . ." Harry stated. Artemis could feel something uncomfortable coming.

"What do you hear?" Harry asked, as if he knew that Artemis was hiding something. Artemis tried to make it seem like it wasn't a big deal.

"Nothing compared to what you hear, that's certain," Artemis smiled weakly. Harry was not taking this lightly though.

"Tell me," Harry said sternly. Artemis clenched his teeth.

"Every time I've seen them, for real and just in my dreams, they repeat the name of the man they are after," Artemis said. Harry nodded.

"Sirius Black. I can't believe my father used to be his friend. And I just talked to Professor Lupin, he was their friend as well," Harry quietly remarked. Artemis wondered if he should tell Harry his theory about Black, Potter, Lupin, and Pettigrew's secret. Artemis had made a promise to himself though, that not until he knew for sure, would he say anything.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Lord Voldemort looked rather ragged in the darkness of the room. He clutched two Remembrals in his withered hands, the ones he had paid the dwarf to fill with information. Voldemort winced.

"Mr. Diggums, I've studied all of Harry Potter's friends down to their family lineage, and some beyond that. Who is this, Artemis Fowl? I was not aware he was a wizard," Voldemort's face was jagged as a silhouette against the window. Mulch was hesitant to talk about Artemis again. He wondered why Parseltongue was now interested in Artemis, when he had been so intrigued with Harry.

"Artemis Fowl is a prodigy from Ireland. My kind has had their share of trouble with this boy," Mulch spoke rather professionally. Voldemort almost seemed to read his mind at every step.

"Mr. Diggums, avoid being to curious of my business. I hired you for a reason, now I hope you won't make me rethink it," Voldemort hissed. Mulch narrowed his eyes.

There was an awkward silence in the room. Mulch shifted uncomfortably. Voldemort smirked wildly.

"Tell me more about Fowl."

-.-.-.-.-.-

The blue uniforms of the Ravenclaw team were a beautiful contrast to the sky above. The stands were in rage with hollering and stomping. Hermione shouted to Harry once he entered the field on his new Firebolt. Artemis watched Harry glide in the air, sort of wondering what it felt like.

Madam Hooch, looking rather excited today, stood between Wood and Davies.

"Mount your brooms. . . On my whistle . . . Three, two, one-," Hooch had barely whistled when Harry shot up high into the sky, ever careful for where the Snitch was. Lee Jordan was quick to commentate on Harry's new broom, when McGonagall put a stop to it.

Harry quickly spotted the Snitch, but lost it almost at once. Wood kept yelling at him from the goal. Harry was being distracted somehow. Cho, the Ravenclaw seeker, seemed to catch a glimpse of the Snitch a few times, but also lost it. Fred and George were also having some trouble keeping the bludgers from Harry.

Harry dived, and Cho seemed to think he had seen it, so she dived after him. He yanked on his broom to pull up sharply, and she plummeted down still. Harry spotted the Snitch again, high above the field on the Ravenclaw side. Unfortunately, Harry did not follow it, being distracted by Cho's scream. She pointed far below the field. Harry saw three dementors and thought nothing of attempting the Patronus again. Artemis watched this happen so quickly. He glared at the dementors, but he didn't feel at all saddened by their presence. He looked at them closely and found that they were much shorter than the dementors he had encountered. Was that possible? Unless . . .

"Expecto patronum!" Harry's faint yell was barely heard of the chatter from the stands and Lee Jordan's voice. Harry still went after the Snitch, and he struggled to grasp it. He floated gracefully to the ground, safely this time. Artemis looked back at the dementors, finding that McGonagall was giving them a good reprimanding . . . It was Draco, Goyle, and Crabbe, of course. Artemis grimaced.

Hermione had left for the Gryffindor common room, where there was a party for the Gryffindor Quidditch team. Artemis had reasoned not to go, because not everyone in the Gryffindor house welcomed his presence. This was understandable, considering hundreds of years of rivalry between Gryffindor and Slytherin wasn't going to change overnight. Artemis returned to the Slytherin common room, and Draco seemed to be waiting for him.

"Hello Artemis Fowl," Draco greeted, not dressed as a dementor anymore.

"That was a dirty trick you pulled at the game," Artemis walked right passed Draco and to his room. Draco closely followed behind him.

"If you speak to Potter ever again, I'll tell everyone about your . . . Impediment," Draco threatened. Artemis found it to be too blatant.

"Does it really bother you that I'd rather be friends with him than with you?" Artemis asked rather snidely. Draco seemed shocked.

"I don't need you as a friend! I just don't want you to talk to that filth anymore!" Draco spat. Artemis turned around to face him with cold eyes.

"That's fine, Mr. Malfoy. I don't need to talk to him," Artemis spoke.

_Especially, when I can do this._

Artemis spoke directly to Draco's mind, and this time, he was well aware of it. Draco always seemed to tweak out when Artemis did this.

"Stop it!" Draco said quickly. Artemis approached him in a rather intimidating way. He smirked.

_Make me._

Artemis came within a foot of a trembling Malfoy. He pulled out his wand and pointed it at Artemis' forehead.

"I'll use a Crucio on you! My father taught me how!" Draco spoke threateningly. Artemis read his mind, somehow. _Please, please don't hurt me. . ._ Draco begged inside of his head, thinking there was no one to hear him.

_Draco, I'm no fool. I know that Crucio would get you expelled. Not only that, but you can't use it. Your father has never taught you that. Although, I can tell he uses it on you for punishment._

"Get back!" Draco yelled. Artemis smirked again and turned around to write a note to Butler. Draco hastily left the room, probably to hide in a corner somewhere. Artemis was starting to get really irritated with Draco now. He was such a ninny about everything. Artemis sloppily dipped his quill in some ink and etched the words "Butler, tell Foaly we need a mind wipe immediately".

Artemis did not waste any time tying the string to Multice's claw, and sent her out of the window. She bobbed up and down in the air into the distance. Artemis sighed and went to find Harry.

-.-.-.-.-

Many people were still awake in the Gryffindor common room, even as late as it was. Artemis stood on his tip toes to try and spot Harry's constantly ruffled hair. There were crumbs of food every where on the floor. Artemis tried to avoid crunching the crumbs, but it was hopeless.

Fred and George were singing a rather silly song they had come up with about the Quidditch game that day. They held butterbeers, trying hard not to spill. Artemis weaved his body around people, almost snake-like, to reach Harry.

"Artemis?" Harry's voice sounded curious. Artemis turned to it, and there he was.

"Harry, can I speak with you for a moment?" Artemis asked. Harry looked at someone else whom was trying to speak with him.

"I'll be there in a minute!" He called over the other students. "Sure." Artemis pulled Harry to a dorm room, where no one was with them.

"Could I borrow your Invisible Cloak tonight? And your Marauder's Map? I just want to look around Hogwarts for once," Artemis asked politely. Harry nodded quickly.

"Yes. But you must know, the Cloak doesn't muffle the sounds you make. So be careful. If you were to be found, a lot of trouble would follow," Harry sounded quite worried. Artemis smiled warmly.

"If I am found, I'll admit to stealing it from you, just so that you can get it back. And who cares if points get taken away from Slytherin?" Artemis joked. Harry immediately seemed reassured. He quickly went under his bed to retrieve a strange looking cloak and the blank parchment.

"Be careful, Artemis," Harry reminded him. Artemis nodded.

"Thank you, Harry."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Artemis left his pajamas on and covered himself with the cloak before Malfoy could notice he was gone. He stuffed some of his clothes under the blankets, to make it appear that he was still there. Artemis quickly left the Slytherin house and walked quickly down the Hogwarts corridors. They were dimly lit, barely enough to see in. Artemis looked at the map, seeing that Filch was quite a ways away. He looked in front of him, going forth to a secret passage way. It must have been the same passage Harry used to get to Hogsmead. Artemis looked down it, and turned around, walking back the way he came.

Artemis looked to see what other icons were moving, and found something quite unexpected. Sirius Black.

A tiny, black dot was coming toward him at an alarming rate. Artemis had briefly forgotten that he was invisible at the moment. He stood his ground, wanting to see if this was true. Soft footsteps were heard in a dark hallway. Artemis knew something was coming. The anticipation was burning in Artemis' heart. For some reason, the strange walking pattern never occurred to Artemis in this time.

From the shadows came a black dog. Artemis quirked an eyebrow, most unexpected. The dog sniffed the air, knowing that someone was around.

_Some sick joke it would be,_ Artemis thought to himself, _to name a dog after Sirius Black_.

Sirius stopped to sniff the air. There was someone there! But he couldn't see him. He walked around the corner to see if there was someone there, but no one was. Sirius thought maybe it was Harry in his father's Invisibility Cloak, but it didn't smell like Harry. He sniffed again. _Nope, definitely not Harry. But it does smell familiar. Who could that be? Snape? He usually is in bed by seven. Wonder what he's doing up and about at this time of night. . . What a dreadful beak he has. Wonder if he's still kickin' around. _Sirius ran back to where he had caught the scent of Peter.

Artemis watched as the dog ran back from where it came. Artemis took a deep breath and decided it was best to go back to bed.

-.-.-.-.-

If that wasn't enough, Artemis learned that Ron had seen Sirius Black last night, and the guardian of the Gryffindor house confirmed that he had allowed Sirius in, because he had the week's worth of passwords. Neville was definitely in trouble for this fact. Artemis wondered if he should mention what he had discovered last night. When he returned the cloak and the map, Harry had asked no questions, and he also looked quite pale with nervous tension.

Artemis thought about his theory again. Some of it just didn't make sense. It must've been a coincidence. After truly looking at the map, some very powerful wizards must have conjured it, not mischievous students from Gryffindor.

"... I was asleep, and I heard this ripping noise, and I thought it was in my dream, you know? But then there was this draft... I woke up and one side of the hangings on my bed had been pulled down... I rolled over... and I saw him standing over me... like a skeleton, with loads of filthy hair ... holding this great long knife, must've been twelve inches... and he looked at me, and I looked at him, and then I yelled, and he scampered," Ron was clearly having fun, now being the center of attention. Artemis watched him from a far, as did Hermione.

"Just look at him, all jolly about it. What if Sirius had attacked him?" Hermione complained. Artemis didn't look at her.

"I think something about Sirius is very wrong. He seems . . . Careless. He's been in Hogwarts for the longest time, and yet he has taken no action. It's like he's just hear to have a roof over his head," Artemis remarked. Hermione nodded.

"I'm surprised he hasn't attacked Harry yet. Considering Harry's not always with someone," Hermione mentioned.

"Perhaps that's why he was in the dorm when Ron spotted him. Maybe he was looking for Harry," Artemis rested his chin on his closed hand. He glanced over at Neville, who was obviously taking this very hard.

"Hermione, you know Neville well, right?" Artemis asked. She nodded curiously. "Could you do me a favor and reassure him? I'd do it, but I always get the feeling that he's afraid of me." Hermione smiled.

"Sure," She promptly stood up and sat by Neville. Although he couldn't hear them, Artemis watched the two of them talk. Neville looked rather pitiful, especially slouchy today.

-.-.-.-.-

Two days later, while eating breakfast, the hoard of owls swept in. Artemis patiently waited for Multice to arrive, and sure enough he did. Multice was always rather fond of Artemis, and always perched on Artemis' shoulder when he arrived. Draco was always first to comment on this.

"Is that an owl or a well trained parrot? Squark!" Draco laughed with Crabbe and Goyle. Artemis grabbed a smaller plate and poured some water onto it for Multice to drink from. Multice huffily screeched at Draco and drank from the deep plate. Pansy smiled at Artemis.

"I think Artemis' owl looks cool, you know, perched on him like that," Pansy spoke up. Draco glared at Artemis, and Artemis looked up at Pansy, not giving her the kind of warm look she was digging for. Artemis was about to untie the note on Hedwig's leg when the Slytherin's broke out in mad laughter at Neville, who apparently received a Howler. Poor Neville ran from the Great Hall, but the muffled yells could still be heard.

Artemis did not laugh, however. No matter how ditzy Neville was, there was something about him that seemed rather sad, and for some reason, Artemis felt he could relate to him. Artemis returned to poking at his pancake. He did not feel like eating today, for the prospect of last night was still fresh in his mind. Something was definitely missing.

Multice finished drinking and pecked Artemis' knuckle slightly. Artemis grimaced, and then remember the note attached to Multice. He pulled it off and unfolded the note, which wasn't Butler's handwriting in the least. It was in Gnomish, which luckily, Artemis did not fail to memorize.

Artemis-

You're lucky we don't give you a mind wipe!

Bring the mudman to your dormitory room, make sure you two are alone. We'll restrain him before we shut down our shields. We'll do this tonight.

And Fowl, no more cocky shenanigans.

Yours truly,

Root


	6. Mind Wipe for Malfoy

**A Dreadfully Convenient Crossover And the Prisoner of the Arctic Incident**

By Spectra16

A/N: This was the most disappointing April Fool's Day ever! However, the only April Fool's prank that I received was from the Lemony Snicket mailing list. It was very funny. Let me share it with you.

All of us at HarperCollins Children's Books would like to extend our sincere apologies for yesterdays surprising public announcement by Lemony Snicket. We discourage our authors from disclosing the content of a book so far in advance of its publication -- especially a book as highly anticipated as Book the Thirteenth, The End, which will not be released until October 13, 2006.

As a courtesy to dedicated fans, we thought it only fair to share Mr. Snicket's revelations in an open forum. Below is the key information revealed by Mr. Snicket regarding the upcoming final installment of A Series of Unfortunate Events.

Yes, the Baudelaire siblings' difficult journey comes to a triumphant end.

Yes, their parents are very happy with their new home.

Yes, Klaus does skip a grade and win a spelling bee.

Yes, Count Olaf gives each of the children a pony.

Yes, Beatrice is actually a hook-handed man.

Yes, they all live happily ever after, a phrase which here means "plus eternity times infinity!"

Mr. Snicket also revealed that The Beatrice Letters, a collection of personal letters which will be published in September, is full of funny poems and doodles of unicorns.

We hope that none of this information will lessen your interest in Mr. Snicket's research. Just because everything turns out perfectly in The End certainly does not justify the terrible things that have befallen the Baudelaires over the course of the last twelve books.

Thank you for your support.

Happy April Fool's Day

-.-.-.-.-

Chapter Six: Mind-wipe for Malfoy

Artemis paid much care to the fact that he was deceiving Draco into meeting him in their room. The sooner he was to get Draco off his back, the better. He was tired of this little twit thinking he was intelligent enough to equal Artemis. Draco was living proof that pure bloods were not in any way superior.

Artemis sat on his bed, his hands folded together, waiting for Draco. Impatience was never something Artemis usually worried about, but he couldn't resist feeling it. Artemis jerked up when he heard a tiny tap on the window.

_Holly,_ was his immediate though. But when he turned around, it was just Multice coming back from the Owl post. He opened the window, greeted by a pecking owl and the biting cold. Artemis was quick to shut the window again. The snap of the window shutting matched with the opening of the dormitory door. Artemis did not turn around, since he knew it was Draco. He had read his mind.

"What the hell did you want me for? Help on your homework? How pathetic, especially for a genius," Draco remarked snidely. Artemis rose his chin and grinned.

"You may enter, Commander," Artemis spoke softly. Draco quirked an eyebrow, but his cocky manner changed once the window snapped open again, releasing a chilly mood about the room. Draco did not see what was happening, considering Root and Holly and who ever else decided to tag along were shielded. Artemis turned around to look at Draco's horridly confused face. Artemis pulled out his dark wand and immobilized Draco with one flick. Draco fell to the floor, unable to talk or move. Holly unshielded, and soon after, Root and Chix did as well. Artemis knelt down next to Root.

"What a horribly ugly mudman," Root muttered. Artemis snickered. Draco's mind was filled with questions, and rather inappropriate cuss words. Artemis wanted to fill in Draco before he would remember no more.

"Yes, I've allied the very people that I stole from. Isn't it romantic?" Artemis smirked. Draco tried to frown.

_Damn you, fucking Fowl! Just wait until my father hears about this! He'll rip out your heart, slag!_

"Temper, Draco. And your father will not hear about this. Within the next twenty minutes, you won't remember a thing," Artemis smirked.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Harry starred out the window at the cool surrounding. A few owls dived in the air. Harry was watching the whereabouts of the teachers in Hogwarts on his Marauder's Map. Harry found something to be most curious.

"I wonder why Dumbledore is in the Slytherin house. He doesn't usually go into the houses," Harry spoke aloud. Ron shrugged, while scribbling messy notes.

-.-.-.-.-.-

"Your ape almost killed me!" Chix blurted out. Artemis starred at him with a most uninterested look. Root had almost finished with Foaly's instructions on how to mind wipe, when something most unexpected happened. The door of the dormitory swung open, revealing a most curious Dumbledore. Artemis looked back at Root, finding that all three of them had already disappeared. Malfoy was still on the floor, and the mind wipe equipment was no longer visible. His eyes starred up into space, and Artemis knew he was unconscious. He looked back up at Dumbledore, who didn't seem angry at all, but searching.

"Hello, Mr. Fowl," Dumbledore spoke with a bit of wonder in his voice. Artemis nodded.

"Hello Headmaster," Artemis said respectively. Dumbledore inspected Draco again.

"What are you boys doing?" He asked, as if this were just a game.

"Um. . . Dueling," Artemis replied. Dumbledore obvious didn't believe him.

"Interesting answer. But I know different," Dumbledore came into the room and looked around. He flicked his wand, and Holly and Root appeared, still standing in the room. Foaly's voice was heard in their helmets.

"The mind wipe has been completed. Pack it up and come home," Foaly spoke. Root and Holly obviously thought there were still invisible, and proceeded to take the device off of Malfoy. Dumbledore did nothing to stop this, as if he knew what had already happened. Holly and Root did not bother to say goodbye, obviously, thinking Artemis would not see them. Artemis did not look back, anyways. Dumbledore waited for them to leave and started talking to Artemis.

"I already know why they were here, why they altered the memories of Draco," Dumbledore spoke softly. Artemis closed his eyes, wishing this had not happen. He didn't see a way out of this one. He was caught red handed. No doubt, Dumbledore had been watching him all along and knew about the aura enhancements. Artemis waited for Dumbledore to ream him out, but it never came.

"I must admit, you are the first to come up with such a solution. It's nearly fool proof, you know. I might've never guessed if you had started when you were eleven, because magic doesn't just come to you at any time, Artemis," Dumbledore didn't seem angry in the least. He actually seemed intrigued.

"Have you known about the People, underground?" Artemis asked. Dumbledore nodded.

"I'm the only wizard who knows. The People want to remain in peace. So I refuse to speak about them. Unfortunately, Artemis Fowl is too intelligent to leave them in peace," Dumbledore said with a hint. Artemis looked down at his shoes. Draco was still on the floor.

"I had reason for stealing from them. And I'm obviously helping them out, in return for the gold I took," Artemis said guiltily. Dumbledore nodded.

"Spying for them, I suppose," He said, more as a statement than a question.

"Our magic is much more practiced, more advanced than theirs. Perhaps they will learn to harness it, and put it to good use," Dumbledore turned around.

"Wait, why are you still allowing me to remain here?" Artemis asked. Dumbledore did not turn his body around to face him, instead, he just turned his head.

"As far as I'm concerned, you're not doing any damage," Dumbledore smiled at Artemis and looked at Draco again, nearly laughing. He walked out and Artemis stood, almost shaking. He realized that Draco needed to be loosened again.

Draco sat up in his bed, wondering if he had fallen asleep. _Maybe I'm sick_, he reasoned, and felt his forehead. He did not have a fever, but he did feel tired. There was no one in the room with him, so he decided to find Goyle or Crabbe, and order them around a bit.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Another Hogsmead trip brought Artemis, Ron, and an invisible Harry to explore the Shrieking Shack. The four of them starred at it, almost afraid to speak. The sky appeared more gray over the Shack than in Hogsmead itself. Artemis felt chilled by the scenery, for it was foreboding and eerie.

The shack was boarded up and nearly falling over. It was familiar scene, one of which Artemis felt accustomed to now. Perhaps memories of his mother's and father's lurked in his mind still. Had they been here?

"Even the Hogwarts ghosts avoid it," said Ron as they leaned on the fence, looking up at it. "I asked Nearly Headless Nick . . . he says he's heard a very rough crowd lives here. No one can get in. Fred and George tried, obviously, but all the entrances are sealed shut . . ."

This made Artemis feel more curious. He had not believed in haunted places until he came to Hogwarts and met the ghosts of the houses and Professor Binns. For a few moments, the four of them kept starring at the shack from the fence. But then footsteps came, and revealed to be Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle. Artemis rolled his eyes at the fact that no matter what, whenever Draco wanted to make a scene, he was not make it in front of him and Harry.

"What are you doing, Weasley?" Malfoy spoke snidely. The arrogant, blonde haired boy looked up at the crumbling house behind Ron.

"Suppose You'd love to live here, wouldn't you, Weasley? Dreaming about

having your own bedroom? I heard your family all sleep in one room -- is that true?" Draco asked, not really caring if it was true or not. Artemis chose not to look at Draco. It was too bad that Root and Holly couldn't make his mind so blank that he couldn't remember his nature as an arse.

Harry, still wearing the cloak, seized the back of Ron's robes to stop him from leaping on Malfoy.

"Leave him to me," he hissed in Ron's ear.

Artemis wished he had turned around at that moment.

"We were just discussing your friend Hagrid," Malfoy said to Ron. "Just

trying to imagine what he's saying to the Committee for the Disposal of Dangerous Creatures. D'you think he'll cry when they cut off his hippogriff's-"

All Artemis caught was the disgusting "splat" that was a clump of mud hitting Draco's face. He immediately turned around, almost knowing what he had missed, and Draco was clearly panicking. Ron broke out into a fit of laughter, and propped himself up against the fence. Draco looked horrified by the instance.

"Who was that? Who did that!" Draco yelled nervously. Crabbe and Goyle looked equally as nervous. Artemis actually saw Goyle and Crabbe get hit this time. They looked quite disbelieving. Goyle and Crabbe stumbled to find who was throwing the mud, and Artemis read Harry's mind, knowing that he had been snatched. Part of the cloak came off, revealing Harry's head. He quickly put it back on.

Draco, Goyle, and Crabbe slipped and slid to get away, and this would've been quite hilarious, if not for the fact that they were going to tell on him. Once they were gone, Ron spoke.

"Harry! You'd better get back to Hogwarts quick!" Ron shouted. Harry did have to be told twice, so he kept the cloak over him while he ran for Honeydukes. Once Harry was out of sight, Artemis turned around to look at the Shrieking Shack. Artemis wanted to go there and . . . Possibly meet someone, whoever resided there, if anyone. Ron tugged on Artemis' sleeve.

"We should head back too, in case Harry does get in trouble. We have to be there for 'im," Ron said. Artemis nodded and they jogged back to the station.

-.-.-.-.-.-

After checking the Gryffindor common, room, and not finding Harry, their best bet was to check in Snape's office. The two boys, quite winded, ran there and found exactly that. Artemis bore into Snape's mind, finding that he was grilling Harry about the map, and that Professor Lupin was speaking to him. Snape was in a bit of disbelief of what Lupin was telling him, but Artemis didn't know what that was yet. Ron and Artemis stood in the door way, breathing heavily, with red faces.

"I . . . Gave . . . That stuff . . . To Harry. . . Ages ago," Ron wheezed. Lupin clapped his hands together.

"See, Severus? I'll take this back, shall I?" Lupin snatched the map cheerfully. Artemis was finally able to set in stone that Lupin was Moony.

_That was close. It's a good thing Snivellus didn't take this away. I haven't seen this map in ages. I can't wait to see if it still is up to par._

Lupin's thoughts were quick and sharp, unlike his appearance. It was the first time that Artemis had looked into Lupin's mind. Hopefully, Snape wouldn't also be picking this up. Lupin rushed past Artemis, and Artemis then looked up into Snape's eyes. He glared at Artemis, greasy hair falling on his face. Harry also left quickly, not turning around to look at Snape. Artemis walked behind Harry, but Snape tugged him behind.

_Remain, Artemis._ Snape's voice was cold and low. Artemis stopped, and Ron and Harry hadn't noticed. Artemis wished they had, so that he wouldn't have to stay here. Artemis spun around and looked at Snape in a rather sardonic manner, biting his lip.

"I expect better from you, from a Slytherin. How could you stand up for that arrogant boy?" Snape asked, almost sounding like Draco now. Artemis looked down at his feet, not sure if he should speak, not sure if he should think. Thinking would give away everything. Artemis had already practiced not thinking before. _This must be how Foaly feels._

Snape sighed and looked at the door. He seemed impatient and nervous.

"Artemis, there's something I must tell you," Snape spoke. Artemis looked up, but not at Snape's face. Was this about his father? Was Snape going to admit it now? _This is so sudden. If he didn't want me to know, why would he tell me now? Calm down, Artemis. He'll know. . ._

"Artemis!" Snape spoke loudly, trying to bring Artemis back down to earth. Artemis looked at him now.

"Yes, sir?" Artemis asked. Snape tilted his head.

"There seems to be something that plaguing you. There aren't councilors here in the school, so you have little choice but to speak with me about it," Snape almost sounded concerned. Artemis furrowed his eye brows.

"I don't need a "councilor", Professor," Artemis retorted. Snape glanced at him, as if to say the contrary.

"I've read reports on you, Fowl. You've driven several of your councilors out of their jobs. And your current councilor, Mr. Po, seems to think he can break you, find out what you're about. His work is much more impressive than your previous councilors," Snape spoke. Artemis had nothing to say. "I knew Mr. Po, in fact."

Snape glanced down at Artemis, not facing him really. Artemis found it interesting that Po would know Snape.

"Is Mr. Po a wizard too?" Artemis asked, barely amused. Snape shook his head.

"Far from it, in fact. Just . . . Gifted. Right place at the right time, I suppose," Snape spoke more like a human now. Artemis ignored it, concentrating on leaving his mind blank.

"I was hoping to speak with you about your family heritage. I mean, having to do with the telekinesis. Sit," Snape demanded, more than a sign of hospitality. Artemis did sit in the chair that Harry previous sat in. Snape half sat on his desk, and rested his hands next to his sides. Artemis sighed, hoping that maybe Snape would shed some light on the mystery of who his father really was. Snape looked at him with searching eyes.

"Do you know your mother's maiden name?" Snape asked. Artemis shook his head.

"No," Artemis gripped his knees nervously. Snape smirked.

"I hope you won't mind if I tell you who your mother really is. I met her . . . Once," Snape said 'met' with an emphasis. Artemis shook a little at this.

"I haven't been able to ask her about anything. Whatever you know would like to say is welcome," Artemis was truthfully afraid of what he was about to say. Snape seemed to bask in the anticipation that he was building up. Artemis clenched his jaw and looked up into Snape's eyes, not wanting to read his mind. He wanted Snape to say it, make it definite.

"Your mother's maiden name is Malfoy. She's the sister of Draco's father. Which means, Draco is your cousin," Snape sneered. Artemis felt like throwing up, or crying, or breaking down. Snape had said it so bluntly, so unemotionally. It was too soon. He felt like he didn't want to know this now. Artemis slouched over, gripping his hair wildly.

"Why wouldn't you tell me this before?" Artemis asked, still facing his lap. Snape crossed his arms.

"I was hoping your mother would've told you, but when I found out she . . . Is ill, I assumed it was my duty, since I knew her," Snape's lips were trembling a bit, but Artemis did not see this. He could hear it in Snape's voice, in his head. Snape was still holding something back. Artemis knew that he didn't want to hear anymore. He violently pulled himself from the wooden chair and took a few strides for the door, when Snape grabbed his arm. Artemis didn't fight Snape, but he chose not to look at him still. There was a short, dead silence. Artemis winced, allowing a few tears to fall down his face. Snape had little sympathy in his voice, but much pain.

"I loved your mother-" Snape wasn't allowed to finish, because Artemis ripped away from his grip and ran from the room.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Professor Lupin confiscated the map. He also told Ron and I that he knew the creators of the map," Harry said enthusiastically. Artemis sulked, not seeming to care.

" 'Course he did," Artemis said apathetically. Ron grimaced.

"Artemis, stop acting so dramatic. Things can't possibly be so dreadful! What? Did Hermione dump you?" Ron joked, hoping to get a rise out of Artemis. Anything was better than his silence.

"Snape just informed me that I'm related to Draco," Artemis muttered. Harry's jaw dropped, and Ron grabbed Artemis' shoulder.

"Say that again. I could've just sworn you said-"

"Draco is my cousin," Artemis sulked. Harry and Ron were both stunned.

"That _can't _be right," Ron spoke in utter disbelief. Artemis nodded, as if to confirm it. Harry scratched his head.

"I'm so sorry, Artemis," Harry spoke with complete, genuine sadness. Artemis nodded.

"And with more bad news, Hagrid lost his case with the Ministry. Buckbeak's going to be executed," Ron said sadly. Artemis looked up at the two of them. Harry nodded. Artemis felt like this day was just getting worse. Harry looked at Ron.

"We should probably go see him. Make sure he knows we'll be there for him," Harry mentioned. Ron nodded.

After shortly comforting Hagrid about the matter, the four of them were teased by Draco, which ended in Hermione slapping him.

"You'd better beat him in the Quidditch final!" Hermione shot Harry a determined look. Artemis smiled, grateful that her and Ron finally made up.

"Come on! We're due in Charms," Ron ran up towards the school, Harry, Artemis and Hermione trailing. Once Harry, Ron, and Artemis reached the class, Flitwick quickly reprimanded them. They sat down next to each other, but Artemis felt like someone was missing.

"Where's Hermione?" Artemis asked. Ron and Harry searched the classroom for her, but found nothing. They waited for her to arrive, but she did not, at all.

"She could've used a Cheering Charm too," Ron smiled broadly. Artemis was feeling better, since the charm had been preformed on him as well, but it was an empty, foolish cheery nature. Like he knew it wasn't real, and that the events would sooner of later present themselves again. Artemis truly hoped Draco did not know that they were related. Snape's words stuck to Artemis' mind. Every time he tried not to think of it, he'd hear "_I loved your mother_." Artemis hated it, and didn't want Snape to be his father. But it made sense, definitely. Artemis knew he would have to admit it someday. He suddenly decided to face the facts, and apologize to Snape, his father. Artemis grimaced at the thought, the Cheering Charm allowing it.

Divinations proved to be quite interesting. The class was introduced early to crystal balls (Artemis and Hermione rolled their eyes together and laughed) and Hermione stormed out of the class, upon Trelawney insulting her. Artemis picked up and left with Hermione, just to make a statement. Hermione seemed to angry to appreciate Artemis.

"Please, Hermione, don't take this hard! Divinations is the most pointless class ever! Everyone thinks so! No one blames you for leaving," Artemis spoke truthfully, trying to get Hermione to speak with him.

"I have so many classes to attend. I don't need that," She muttered. Artemis wasn't sure if she was talking to him or not, but he didn't care.

"Maybe you should go to the hospital wing and take the rest of the day off. A lot of stressful things have been happening to you today," Artemis suggested. Hermione stopped striding down the halls. She sighed and looked at Artemis in his eyes. She smiled softly at him, making Artemis' near broken heart melt. She nervously kissed him on the cheek.

"I have to attend my classes. I appreciate that you care. Thank you, Artemis. Go back to class," Hermione turned and walked, and Artemis knew not to follow. After Buckbeak, then Draco, then leaving Divinations, Hermione certainly had a full day. Artemis felt his burning cheek and threw his arm to his side.

-.-.-.-.-.-

The final Quidditch match was a big deal for all in the Slytherin and Gryffindor houses. Artemis had spent his day with Hermione, doing their homework together. Fred and George busted in.

"No offense Artemis, but we're gonna kick your ass tomorrow!" Fred and George laughed simultaneously, and joking at the same time. Artemis smiled.

"None taken," Artemis said truthfully, and the both of them knew it. Hermione closed her books and sat back in her chair.

"I can't work, I can't concentrate," She said dramatically. Artemis smiled at her.

"I don't blame you," Artemis replied, not having done his homework either. Hermione held her Arithmancy book close to her chest and looked into the fire place. She watched the flames flicker and twist in the draft of air above them. Artemis was still feeling a bit taken back from the kiss she had given him early. He wondered if she had just kissed him as a thanks, and he wondered if she even had feelings for him after all. Artemis hesitated to ask her, wondering if this was the best time.

"What are you going to do?" Hermione asked, knowing he wouldn't know what she was asking about.

"About what?" Artemis replied, not turning to look at her.

"About your father," Hermione replied monotonously. Artemis inhaled shakily.

"I still don't know why he left my family to be here. I probably should ask him why. But . . . I just need some time to think it through. I'm . . . afraid of speaking with him," Artemis said quietly. Hermione put her hand on his. Artemis resisted the need to shake. He had never been so nervous, so confused in his life.

"Is he anything like you imagined?" Hermione asked quickly. Artemis pressed his lips together.

"I thought so, you know, when I first met Snape. I imagined my father to be cold, dark . . . But not unfair, or vindictive," Artemis wished he had never come here now. He would've been happier knowing that his father died doing business. Now he had to deal with the fact that his father was deceiving his family, and he was a coward.

"I'm sorry, Artemis," Hermione said quietly. He nodded and smiled at her.

"I should probably go to bed," Artemis stood up and quickly left the Gryffindor hall. He walked slowly through the hallways, still thinking everything through. So many emotions filled Artemis at once, and the only way he knew how to deal with them was to try to figure out what to do about it. Artemis was certain that he didn't want to be with Hermione, but . . . What if he did have feelings for her? And Snape . . . What was he going to do about Potions class if he didn't ever want to see his father again? _But wait . . . Maybe I should at least talk to him about why he left us. That can't hurt anything, could it?_ Artemis turned the corner, and found that mysterious black dog, in the middle of the hallway.

Artemis choked and starred into the dog's dark eyes. What was he supposed to do? Was this a stray dog? Did it belong to someone? Artemis cautiously watched the dog as he passed it. The dog, equally as paranoid, watched his pass as well. Artemis ran off, wondering why on earth there was a dog roaming the school. In the distance, he heard padded feet trot against the floor down the corridor. _Padfoot. . ._ Artemis thought subconsciously.

-.-.-.-.-.-

The Quidditch game was filled with rivalry penalties, which was no surprise, considering the cup was at stake. The heads in the crowd quickly moved when Marcus Flint rode by, barely five feet above everyone. Madam Hooch was quick to call penalties, thanks for that. But Hermione was still worried about Harry being injured. Harry spun around violently, searching determinedly for the Snitch.

Harry took off, and most people thought he was chasing the Snitch, but Artemis read his mind, to find that he was drawing some of them away from the Snitch, letting his team members buy time to score. The Snitch jerked in the sky, almost as if it was wondering why it wasn't being chased. Malfoy quickly raced after Harry, and Artemis smirked, staring into the sky. The smirk was wiped off when Artemis realized two Bludgers were chasing Harry. One skid past Harry head, leaving the stands in a massive "woah". Artemis had a deep intake of breath, and Hermione noticed how involved Artemis was in this now.

Harry missed the second one. Artemis nearly did a dance. He felt like maybe this sport was worth trying, or at least flying. He still hadn't learned it yet, since it was a first year class.

The Bludger hit two Slytherin boys, and Lee Jordan, especially excited, with his wand to his neck, he yelled "HA HAAA!" Gryffindors outburst and excitement. Then Flint scored on the Gryffindors, leaving the crowd a bit stunned, and brought down the climax of the game. Slytherins screamed and wooped. Artemis felt sick. After the clappin and hollering settled down, they all started hissing like snakes.

Then Harry spotted the Snitch again, when it was alright to grab it. He raced after it, the Gryffindors screaming themselves hoarsely, when Draco grabbed hold of Harry's broom. He panted, tired from how fast he was going. Artemis gripped his wand in his pocket and starred Draco down.

_Release him or I'll shoot you out of the sky._ Artemis threatened. Draco obeyed, wondering where that voice had come from. Madam Hooch hurried to stop them, but it was useless. The Snitch was already gone. Harry felt furious and resulted in flicking Malfoy off. Artemis was too shocked to catch the game, before Angeline scored for Gryffindor. The stands erupted was joy. Artemis and Hermione hugged and went back to watching the game.

The last part was a mad dash for the Snitch, Harry vs. Draco. Amazingly, Harry just barely caught it in time. The Gryffindors had finally won the Cup. Artemis, Hermione, and Ron ran to Harry and group hugged him in excitement. George and Fred tackled the four of them, and they all fell down. Oliver grabbed Harry up and hugged him as well.

"We've won! We've won the Cup!" Oliver raised his index finger to the sky. He was very literally near crying. George and Fred pulled away from the crowd.

"Party at our house! Everyone welcome except for Slytherins and the exception of Artemis!" Fred grabbed Harry's ankles and George grabbed his under arms, and they hauled Harry back to the common room. Hermione, Ron, and Artemis followed quickly.

"Hey! Put me down!" Harry laughed.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Summer was nearing, and Artemis felt a great pain in his heart for it. For one, summer meant much more sun, which he did not delight in. Two, school would be letting out during the summer, and he would have to return home. Artemis did look forward to going home (for the sole purpose of devising another way to keep himself busy), but he wondered if he'd be allowed to come back next year. Surely, as long as he continued to take the injection.

All of the older students were in a bustle about their O.W.L.S. and their N.E.W.T.S. which Artemis assumed were like standardized tests for moving onto college or ranks for better job positions. Hermione was also slaving over her studies, which was a more reasonable thing than he was doing. Artemis hadn't attended one Potions class in two months. When he saw his father in the hallways, he did not bother to stop and talk. Snape, also, did not try to speak with Artemis, and he understood why he wasn't attending class anymore.

Artemis had finished his Divinations exam and was hurrying to find Hermione, hoping to wish her good luck on her Arithmancy exam, since they did not have it at the same time. He was alone in the hall, since most of the exams were still taking place. Even Harry and Ron were still working on their Divinations exam. But all of a sudden, a loud, demented voice spoke in his head. It was too loud, like when you really hear someone yelling in your ear. Artemis covered his ears and gasped.

_THE DARK LORD LIES ALONE AND FRIENDLESS, ABANDONED BY HIS FOLLOWERS. HIS SERVANT HAS BEEN CHAINED THESE TWELVE YEARS. TONIGHT, BEFORE MIDNIGHT... THE SERVANT WILL BREAK FREE AND SET OUT TO REJOIN HIS MASTER. THE DARK LORD WILL RISE AGAIN WITH HIS SERVANTS AID, GREATER AND MORE TERRIBLE THAN EVER HE WAS. TONIGHT... BEFORE MIDNIGHT... THE SERVANT... WILL SET OUT... TO REJOIN... HIS MASTER..._

The voice suddenly stopped. Artemis opened his eyes and cautiously uncovered his ears. He looked up, finding Snape tapping his foot in front of him. He looked up into his eyes. Disregarding the loving father figure, Snape grabbed Artemis' collar and shook him.

"I know you heard something! Now what was it!" Snape spat. Artemis winced, not understand what it was that just happened. Artemis teared up, wishing he had never met his father now.

"What?" Artemis asked pathetically.

"Did you hear who! WHO! Is it Sirius Black! Is Sirius rejoining the Dark Lord!" Snape shouted at Artemis, knowing that no one was around.

"I don't know! It didn't say who!" Artemis winced. Snape glared at him, and Artemis grabbed his wrist, hoping he'd let go. Instead, a rather adverse effect took place.

"ARRH!" Snape moaned and let go of Artemis, holding his wrist in his hand. Snape's eyes watered, not having felt that pain in quite a few years. Artemis wondered what he had done. He hadn't grabbed his father hard, just held him, trying to get Snape to let him go.

"What-what's wrong?" Artemis asked nervously. Instead of answering, Snape grabbed his son's hand and touched it to his wrist, which was covered in his black sleeve. Snape winced again and threw Artemis' hand away, nursing his wrist once again. Artemis felt so confused.

"What?" Artemis asked, afraid of the answer. Snape regained composure and pulled out his wand violently.

"Who are you? Answer me now!" Snape pointed his wand on Artemis' heart. Artemis nearly buckled at the knees. His voice trembled and became very quiet.

"I'm your son," Artemis replied.

"That's a lie!" Severus spoke quickly. "You're a follower of the Dark Lord! If you aren't the Dark Lord himself!" Artemis gasped.

"Can't you read my thoughts! I'm not! I swear I'm not!" Artemis retorted. Snape did not move.

"You could easily deceive me," Snape said shortly, ready to attack Artemis. Artemis shook with fear, and it was quite visible to Snape. Snape lowered his wand, upon seeing this. He seemed shocked, and hoped this was not a trap. He took a feeble step forward, and then leapt to hold his only son. Artemis couldn't help but cry now. His father . . . He was finally in his arms. Things could gripped Snape's robes and thought of how awkward this really was.

"I tried to tell you," Snape confessed in a deep voice. Artemis nodded, but said nothing for the moment. Snape let Artemis go, and the two stood face to face, almost for the first time.

"Why did you leave?" Artemis asked. Snape sighed.

"It's very complicated, something you are too young to know. It had nothing to do with your or your mother," Snape said sharply. Artemis nodded.

"I am not too young. I know that you don't really know me as your son, but I'm . . . quite mature for my age," Artemis did not want to haughtily call himself a genius quite yet. He'd SHOW his father, instead of just telling him. Snape crossed his eye brows.

"Well then, we'll just see about that. Do you know what a Death Eater is?" Snape asked.

"Yes. They are followers of Lord Voldemort," Artemis replied swiftly. Snape continued.

"I had to seek refuge here, in Hogwarts, with Dumbledore. If the Dark Lord were to find me, walking on the streets as a free man, he'd kill me," Snape replied, tearing his sleeve up to his elbow. Artemis found a rather peculiar tattoo on his father's arm. It was a skull, with a snake coming out of it's mouth.

"I was suspicious of you because when you touched it, it started to burn. That burning feeling is a sign of the Dark Lord's return. It burns when he is calling his servants back. We are unfortunately, connect to him," Snape covered up the tattoo.


	7. Seriously, Sirius Black is Back

**A Dreadfully Convenient Crossover And the Prisoner of the Arctic Incident**

By Spectra16

A/N: Yay! We're nearing the end of the story! Aw. . . And yes, I AM finishing it! Even if I die! Yeah, I'm sorry for all of you who hate stupid Star Wars rip offs. But don't worry, there's still more story developing on the way. And a plot twist! (GASP!) Please don't try to guess. If you guess right, I will cry. Also, I've come up with a good plot for the next Harry Potter book, so I will be writing the sequel to this book. True story. Guess what I'm eating right now?

Sirius: . . . .

A/N: Guess.

Sirius: If I blow you off, you're still going to tell me.

A/N: Salted nuts! No joke.

Sirius: O.O

Disclaimer: I don't own stuff! Obey! Go search on video google for Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Amityville!

A/N: Also, there has been a lot of foreshadowing in this story, and most of it is going to my future stories. Like, the main one being Voldemort's sudden interest in Artemis. Stuff like that, just to let you know.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Chapter Seven: Seriously, Sirius Black is Back (The Plot Twist Unfolds!)

Artemis and Snape had an awkward exiting of their conversation. The raven haired boy hurried to find Harry and Ron. But when he did find them, Ron had some rather unpleasant news that he was just about to share with Harry and Hermione.

"Buckbeak's lost. Hagrid just sent this," Ron spoke weakly. Hermione starred at the letter that Ron passed to Harry.

_Lost appeal. They're going to execute at sunset. Nothing you can do._

_Don't come down. I don't want you to see it._

_Hagrid_

"We've got to go," said Harry at once. "He can't just sit there on his

own, waiting for the executioner!"

"Sunset, though," said Ron, who was staring out the window ill a glazed

sort of way. "We'd never be allowed... 'specially you, Harry..."

Artemis looked shaken, and Hermione knew this. But she thought it was because of the news of Buckbeak. Artemis really had no care to share with Hagrid's loss. Snape was his father. _Snape is MY father._

"If we only had the Invisibility Cloak..." Harry said, in space.

"Where is it?" Hermione asked.

Harry told her about leaving it in the passageway under the one-eyed witch. Artemis, looking for anything to take his mind off of what happened.

"... if Snape sees me anywhere near there again, I'm in serious trouble," he finished.

"That's true," Artemis spoke up. "If he sees you . . .How do you open the witch's hump again?"

"You -- you tap it and say, 'Dissendium,'" said Harry. "But --"

Artemis nodded and strode out of the Gryffindor common room. He could hear Ron asking questions, but Artemis didn't stop to answer them. Artemis knew his friends wanted to see Buckbeak and Hagrid. And now, Snape, or rather, his father would never suspect him looking for an Invisibility Cloak.

Artemis didn't want to see the black dog again though. Black dogs now gave him the jitters, so Artemis walked quickly, not bothering to stop for anything or anyone. He noticed there were very few people in the corridors at the time, because dinner was taking place. Artemis, after having met his father just a few minutes prior, was anything but hungry.

Artemis Fowl the Second quickened his already jolted pace when he thought he heard paws hitting the hard floor. He suddenly stopped, and heard nothing. Artemis took a deep breath and retrieved the cloak.

He returned to the common room, and Harry's face lit up.

"Thank you, Artemis," Harry held the cloak close to him. Artemis did not look so cheery.

"I need to speak with you for a moment. Alone," Artemis said quietly. Harry nodded, and the two of them went into Harry's room. Harry seemed especially wondering, his eyes wide with curiosity. Artemis blanched at this.

"Harry, I want to talk to you about . . . The Grim. It's . . . I've. . . Seen it," Artemis tumbled over words for the first time in his life. He felt nervous and jittery, still wondering whether to tell him about Lupin and his father. One thing at a time, Artemis told himself.

"You've seen it? Thankfully. I thought I was going mad. Trelawney was making me think I was really just seeing the omen. It is a real dog?" Harry asked. Artemis nodded.

"Yes. There isn't anyone in the school who lets their dog walk around, correct?" Artemis replied. Harry shook his head.

"Not that I know of. Should we report it to Dumbledore?" Harry asked. Artemis was not accustomed to Harry's naïve nature. Surely, a _dog_ was not something to fear. Even if it was the omen of death. Artemis hoped that his skepticism against omens would not be changed now that he was in the world of magic.

"No. Not yet. It's probably no matter. I just felt the need to tell you," Artemis turned around slowly. But Harry stopped him by putting his hand on Artemis' shoulder. Harry, hesitantly, pulled his hand away as Artemis turned back around.

"I-I want to thank you for being a good friend to me and my friends, even when . . . You know," Harry stuttered. Artemis nodded.

"To be honest, I've never had any friends my age before. I don't know what overcame me this year, but . . . I'm glad to have a friend like you Harry. You've been through much more than I can even imagine," Artemis said softly. Harry smiled at him and looked down. Artemis turned and left the room, leaving Harry standing. The Boy Who Lived stood there in wonder, contemplating as to why his scar prickled when he had touched Artemis.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Artemis had told them it would be easier to stay, but Harry had insisted that Artemis had to come to comfort Hagrid. Artemis reluctantly agreed, and so Ron, Harry, and Hermione set off to Hagrid in the Invisibility Cloak, and then Harry came back for Artemis, since the cloak was not big enough for all four of them.

"What if someone comes to the cabin? We can't all fit under then!" Artemis spoke concerned. Harry shrugged, holding the cloak tightly to himself.

"We'll worry about that when it happens," Harry said quietly and knocked on Hagrid's door. Hagrid already knew it was Harry and Artemis, so he opened the door and stood clear of it so that the two boys could get in.

"We must stay with you, Hagrid!" Hermione seemed to be protesting something at the moment. Artemis ruffled his hair, feeling itchy from the cloak.

"Yeh're ter go back up ter the castle. I told yeh, I don' wan' yeh watchin'. An' yeh shouldn' be down here anyway... If Fudge an' Dumbledore catch yeh out without permission, Harry, yeh'll be in big trouble," Hagrid was serious. Harry hung his head down, almost used to the burden. Hermione was clearly crying now, and Artemis was quick to give her a hug.

"It's okay," Artemis whispered in her ear, stroking her hair. Artemis starred behind Hermione, and there was Ron, near tears as well. Hermione pulled away and proceeded to make some tea. She pulled out the bottle of milk and then screamed. Everyone turned around, alerted.

"Ron! It's . . . Scabbers," Hermione breathed. Ron was quick to search for him. Sure enough, there was a thin, ragged rat.

"Scabbers!" Ron greeted him with a hug. Artemis looked at the rat. _Wormtail. . ._ Artemis starred at Scabber's whipping tail. In the midst of the rejoicing that Scabbers was actually alive, Hagrid stood, his chair screeching against the wood as he stood.

"They're coming," Hagrid said, looking out of the window. Ron stuffed his rat in his cloak pocket. Hagrid opened the back door and Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Artemis waited for them to enter the cabin before running off. Artemis dodged pumpkin vines, as did the others. Buckbeak looked around, rather alerted now. The last remaining light of the evening was upon the earth around them. Artemis squinted to look behind him.

"Hurry Artemis!" Hermione hissed. Artemis trailed behind the three of them. Ron threw the cloak around them all, but it did not cover everything. The four of them were as closely huddled together as possible, but anyone who was attentive enough could very well see eight feet scurrying back to school.

Ron started fidgeting under the cloak.

"Scabbers! Stop it! It's me, Ron!" He struggled to hold Scabbers down. Harry, Hermione, and Artemis was especially worried about this, since Scabbers was squealing. They kept running, just simultaneously, they all stopped once they heard the thud of an axe, and a horrible, sickening fleshy sound.

"They did it. I can't believe they did it," Hermione gasped. Ron was still struggling with Scabbers.

"Damn it, Scabbers, knock it off-OW!" Ron released the rat. Hermione shot a dirty look at Ron.

"What? He bit me!" Ron defended himself. "What could possibly have gotten into him?" The three of them then understood why Scabbers was so rash. Crookshanks was only a few feet away, and when Ron had released Scabbers, Crookshanks chased after him like a blood thirsty lunatic.

Hermione didn't yell at Crookshanks, for fear of someone hearing her. Ron was not so forgiving. He threw the cloak off, exposing Harry, Hermione and Artemis. He lunged at Crookshanks, swearing and near biting.

"Ron! Come back here! They'll see us!" Hermione hissed. Ron scooped Scabbers up, now seeming to be completely fine. Just as they were about to cover Ron up again, Harry looked and saw the Grim again. It was directly in front of them. Artemis had a deep intake of breath.

"There it is," Artemis sighed. Harry shook, completely stunned. The dog had icy eyes and a skewed jet black hair. Without any moment for thought, the dog leapt at Harry, pushing him over. Ron jumped on the dog, also not giving much thought. The dog turned around and bit Ron's arm viciously. Ron was screaming, terrified now. The black dog's growls were vicious and daunting. Harry grabbed the dog's hair on his back and tried to pull the dog off of Ron. Artemis helped in the tug, until he was briskly whipped by something. Artemis fell back, nearly blacking out. He heard Hermione gasp and someone say "Lumos", lighting up the area. Artemis, flat on his back, looked up to see spinning . . . _moving_ branches. There was no wind, but the tree was still moving. Artemis figured he was just hit too hard in the head, but this wasn't the case.

Ron screamed again, not revealing that he was being pulled _into_ the tree of all things, by the dog. Artemis sat upright, now seeing this. _Obviously, this is not a normal dog._ Hermione screamed. Artemis looked at her, his vision still a little blurry. Harry had been struck by a thick branch, sending him airborne. Harry landed near Artemis, his body landing with a horrible thud. Artemis hurried to his side and helped him up. Harry wiped away the blood from his face.

"We need to follow him! There's no time to get help," Harry limped toward the base of the tree. Crookshanks hurried to the base of the trunk and put his paws on a knot in the bark. The tree stopped moving. Artemis, Hermione, and Harry were all shocked.

"How did he know to do that?" Hermione asked. Harry spoke up.

"He and that dog are friends. I've seen them together," Harry said. Artemis thought about this rationally. A dog? Friends with a cat? Wasn't it their nature as mortal enemies? Sure, there are exceptions. Artemis thought about this as the three of them ventured through the tunnel.

"This tunnel is marked on the Marauder's Map, but Fred and George said no one has ever gotten to it. The coordinates go off the map," Harry spoke. Artemis, right after Harry had spoken these words, had a vision in his head, a rather vivid one. He was in a house, bleak and gray looking. There was no one with him. Dust coated the floor. And Artemis could hear screaming, blood curling screaming. The vision ended, and Artemis was able to return to his present situation. The tunnel was so long, Artemis wasn't sure if he should continue. Crookshanks was already far beyond them.

Then a patch of dim light hit their eyes, and revealed itself to be the opening to a room. A very dusty room. Artemis immediately recognized the room as part of his vision.

"Where are we?" Artemis asked, not expecting an answer. Harry cracked the door open, to find that the room was a mess. The windows had rays of dulled sunlight coming in, where the boards did not cover. There was old furniture about, ripped and clawed at, as if a beast were locked up inside. The wall paper was severely faded and peeling. But out of all of these details, Artemis noticed the blood stained floors more than anything. The three of them pulled themselves up to step on the creaking floors. Artemis heard a fading shriek of horror, and turned around, thinking it was coming from behind him.

"Did you hear that?" Artemis asked, wondering if he was losing his mind. Harry and Hermione looked at him, quite stunned, puzzled. They said nothing, for they had not heard it. Artemis turned around to see a dark hallway, seeing the darkness made him feel nervous. This was the moment where Artemis wished Butler was with him most. Artemis pulled out his wand and pointed it at the doorway.

"I think someone's over there," Artemis said shakily. Hermione and Harry were both nervous because of Artemis' strange behavior.

"I think we're in the Shrieking Shack," Hermione mentioned. Harry nodded, thinking the same. Artemis was the only one sure of this fact. He then heard footsteps on a creaky floor above them. Artemis looked up. Harry and Hermione crept around the corner of the hallway and quietly walked up the stairs. Artemis followed behind them, now afraid of the situation.

Harry ran his fingers against the door where they heard the creek. Artemis clenched his wand tightly. Hermione and Harry was shaking, it was clear.

"Now," Hermione whispered and Harry slammed the door open. There was Ron, laying on the floor, his leg askew. Crookshanks starred up at the three of them, starring nervously in the doorway. All three of their wands were pointing out, ready for attack. Ron was sweating profusely, and looking rather concerned. Harry and Hermione ran to him, helping him up, but Artemis was still sure that there was something else near by.

"Ron, are you okay?" Hermione asked hurriedly.

"Where's the dog?" Artemis asked, panicked now.

"Not a dog," Ron breathed. "Harry, it's a trap." Artemis could feel someone behind him, and he whirled around and pointed his wand at a rather dirty looking man. His hair was almost past his elbows, and his star was full of blood lust. Artemis pointed his wand at the man threateningly. The man, with an Azkaban tag on his shirt, closed the door without touching it. It slammed, and Ron winced in pain. Artemis felt rather protective of his friends, starring Sirius Black in the eyes.

His skin was pale, skeleton like. He smelled as if he hadn't bathed in months. Artemis pointed his wand at the man's face. He smirked, looking rather impish, like Artemis' smirk.

"He's an Animagus," Ron breathed in deeply.

"Padfoot," Artemis whispered, hoping his friends had not heard him. Sirius seemed impressed by the fact that Artemis knew this. Sirius' teeth were stained yellow, a disgusting sight.

"Expelliarmus!" Sirius hissed, and at once, Harry, Hermione, and Artemis' wands were sent right into Black's hand. Artemis noticed that Sirius had confiscated Ron's wand. Artemis didn't get out of the way yet. He shot Sirius a dirty look, as if to say, I'm not moving. Black was hoping that by taking a step towards Artemis, that he would flinch. But it didn't happen. Sirius sneered at Artemis and pushed him out of the way, moving towards Harry. Artemis picked himself off of the floor and starred at Harry. Sirius' frightening gaze never left Harry.

"I thought you'd come and help your friend," Sirius spoke hoarsely, as if he hadn't spoke in a long time. As if he had forgotten how to.

"Your father would have done the same for me. Brave of you not to run for a teacher. I'm grateful . . . it will make everything much easier . . ." Sirius sighed. Artemis stepped towards him. He had already chosen to assume Sirius was going to kill them.

"You'll have to kill me before you hurt Harry!" Artemis shouted, of course, this wasn't much of a threat to Sirius. He had killed before. Sirius seemed to stop, and he slowly turned his head to look at Artemis.

"And you, with so much courage. Never met a Slytherin that acted so rash," Sirius spoke half sarcastically. He looked back at Harry. Harry glared at Sirius, furious with his comment. Harry marched to Sirius, ready to kill him, but Hermione held him back.

"No, Harry!" Hermione pulled him back. Artemis lifted his head from the floor.

"If it were me, I'd want revenge," Artemis spoke, not realizing he had repeated what Draco had said. Hermione starred at Artemis with a frightened look on her face. Harry pulled away from Hermione's grasp.

"Yeah, if you want to kill Harry, you'll have to kill us too!" Ron stood up, his face pale and cross.

"Lie down. You will damage that leg even more," Black spoke as if he cared. Artemis was taken back by this. _Why would he care? _Artemis was about to look into Sirius' mind when he started talking again.

"Did you hear me! You'll have to kill all four of us!" Ron spat, his voice trembling with anger.

"There'll be only one murder here tonight," Black smiled triumphantly.

"Why's that?" Harry walked right up to the man who had killed his parents. Artemis watched him in amazement. "Didn't care last time, did you? Didn't mind slaughtering all those Muggles to get at Pettigrew... What's the matter, gone soft in Azkaban?"

"Harry!" Hermione pleaded. "Be quiet!"

"HE KILLED MY MUM AND DAD!" Harry roared and threw himself at Black. Harry ignored the fact that he had no wand. He wanted to use his bare hands to kill Sirius. He threw punches at Black, all of which did little good. But Black didn't fight back. Artemis remembered again to search Sirius' mind. Sirius was hit in the face, and the wands spilled onto the floor. Artemis found his mind to be a clouded place, full of hate and wanting to murder. . . Peter. Not Harry. This couldn't be right, Artemis reasoned.

"Wait, stop Harry," Artemis said quietly, wondering if he was wrong about Sirius. Hermione shrieked as Harry continued to fumble for the wands and punch Black at the same time. Black's hand grabbed Harry's throat and whirled him around, to look into his eyes.

"No- I've waited too long!" Sirius shouted. His grip tightened considerably, and Artemis threw himself at Sirius. Hermione started kicking Black. Artemis snatched his own wand and Ron's. He rolled Ron's wand to him on the floor. Ron clutched it, hoping that Harry would get off of Sirius so that he could hit him. Sirius let go of Harry, and Potter went back to hitting Black in the stomach.

"Get out of the way!" Harry shrieked. Hermione and Artemis pulled themselves away from the struggle Artemis was facing with Sirius. Harry had his wand, and Hermione managed to grab her own. Harry pointed it threateningly at Sirius, who was still on the ground. Black's chest rose and fell as he panted for breath.

"Going to kill me, Harry?" He asked, worried.

"You killed my parents," Harry seemed like he was forced to say the words.

"I don't deny that. But if you knew the whole story," Black hinted.

"You've got to listen to me. You'll regret it if you don't," Sirius spoke with most urgency. Artemis stepped forward with a streak of blood on his head.

"Listen to him, Harry. There's no harm in it now," Artemis pointed his wand at Black. Black nodded.

"Artemis knows more than you think. He's been holding back for a long time. Isn't that right, Arty? _Padfoot_, right?" Sirius grinned at Artemis. He felt sick now. He knew Black's actions were too suspicious to not be intentional. Artemis' friends gave him a searching, curious look. Harry stood there, torn between killing Black or listening. Then footsteps were heard the hall in which they came.

"We're up here! We're up here! It's Sirius Black! Come quick!" Hermione shouted. Sirius seemed panicked.

"No!" He shouted, standing up now. Professor Lupin burst in, a sight for sore eyes. Artemis smiled, as did Harry, until he shouted Expelliarmus and their wands were once again rendered helpless. They all looked shocked. Lupin grimaced at this sight and he stormed over, leaning closely by Black.

"Where is he, Sirius?" Lupin asked urgently. Sirius starred at Ron, expressionless. Artemis' heart skipped, knowing what was coming. Sirius' words rang in his head, _there will be only one murder here tonight._

Sirius pointed at Ron. Something about Lupin's actions with Sirius were to friendly still. Was Lupin behind this the whole time? That didn't make sense, Artemis thought. Lupin's mind was also quite shaken, leaving his thoughts in a blur. But something in Lupin was ecstatic that Sirius was. . . Not the murderer of the Potters? What?

"But then..." Lupin muttered, staring at Black so intently it seemed he was trying to read his mind, "... why hasn't he shown himself before now? Unless-" Lupin's eyes suddenly widened, as though he was seeing something beyond Black, something none of the rest could see, "-unless he was the one . . . unless you switched . . . without telling me?" Lupin looked horrified. Artemis was too curious not to take another dip in Lupin's mind. He was afraid that Sirius switched with Peter, to keep the Potter's secret safe. _Peter . . . worm tail . . . Could it be Ron's rat?_

Sirius nodded to Lupin. Lupin looked so shocked, but composed at the same time. Harry gathered enough courage to speak.

"Professor, what's going on?" Harry asked loudly. Artemis rubbed his temples, hoping that Lupin would answer. But instead, Lupin lurched forward and hugged Sirius. Everyone was aghast. Sirius patted Lupin on the back.

"DON'T BELIEVE IT!" Hermione screamed. Artemis crept toward Hermione.

Lupin let go of Black and turned to her. She had raised herself off the floor and was pointing at Lupin, wild-eyed. "You-you and him!" Artemis put his hand on her arm.

"Hermione, wait," Artemis whispered to her, but she ignored him.

"Hermione, calm down-" Lupin pleaded. She shook with fear.

"I didn't tell anyone!" Hermione shrieked. "We've been covering up for you!"

"Hermione, listen to me, please'" Lupin shouted. "I can explain-"

Harry was shaking, keeping quiet. Artemis squeezed Hermione's arm.

"Please, listen to him, Hermione. You'll understand if you just listen!" Artemis said quietly, trying not to gather too much attention. Sirius peered over at Hermione, who was now crying.

"Listen to him, Hermione. You're going to have to anyway," Sirius brought up a very valid point.

"I trusted you," Harry shouted at Lupin, his voice wavering, out of

control, "and all the time you've been his friend!"

"You're wrong," said Lupin. "I haven't been Sirius's friend, but I am now- Let me explain . . ."

"NO!" Hermione screamed. "Harry, don't trust him, he's been helping Black get into the castle, he wants you dead too- he's a werewolf!"

There was a ringing silence. Everyone's eyes were now on Lupin, who looked remarkably calm, though rather pale. Artemis was now sure that Lupin would explain what was going on. It was unavoidable now.

"Not at all up to your usual standard, Hermione," he said. "Only one out

of three, I'm afraid. I have not been helping Sirius get into the castle and I certainly don't want Harry dead." An odd shiver passed over his face. "But I won't deny that I am a werewolf."

Ron made a valiant effort to get up again but fell back with a whimper of pain. Lupin made toward him, looking concerned, but Ron gasped, "Get away from me, werewolf!" Lupin recoiled, a look of sadness spread across his face. He looked back towards Hermione.

"How long have you know?" He asked, curiously. Hermione sniffled.

"Both Artemis and I figured it out. We were the only two in our class to have done the report Snape asked us to do about werewolves. I guess, after that, everything was obvious," Hermione said quietly. Lupin looked up at Artemis.

"He'll be delighted," said Lupin coolly. "He assigned that essay hoping someone would realize what my symptoms meant . . . Did you check the lunar chart and realize that I was always ill at the full moon? Or did you realize that the boggart changed into the moon when it saw me?"

"Both," Artemis answered this time. Lupin saw the distrust in all of their faces. Not having consulted Sirius first (which might've made the outcome different), Lupin tossed each of their wand back.

"There," Lupin said confidantly, sticking his own wand back into his belt. "You're armed, we're not. Now will you listen?"

"Remus," Sirius bellowed, quite concerned now.

"If you haven't been helping him," Harry started, with a furious glance at Black, "how did you know _he_ was here?"

"The map," Lupin replied. "The Marauder's Map. I was in my office examining it-"

"You know how to work it?" Harry asked, digging at every possible ditch. Artemis knew this was his time to put forth what he knew.

"Of course he does, Harry. He wrote it," Artemis crossed his arms. Lupin and Black, both, seemed rather taken back. All of the years, it had been kept secret, they wondered if he knew more.

"What did you say, Artemis?" Lupin asked in disbelief.

"You're Moony, afraid of the moon. And Sirius Black is Padfoot, since he's a dog Animagus. Peter," Artemis continued, distracted by Sirius shuddering at Peter's name, "is Wormtail, correct? He's Ron's rat." Everyone seemed quite interested in how he knew this.

"How?" Lupin asked. Artemis dug through his hair with his hand.

"Not important right now. Tell us why you were looking for us on the map," Artemis read his mind. Lupin sighed and continued.

"Yes well, I assumed you four would be sneaking off to Hagrid's hut tonight, because of the execution. And sure enough, you all did. Luckily, the map can still see you even when you are invisible," Lupin paused. "The Invisibility Cloak, courtesy of your father."

"How did you know about that?" Harry asked. Lupin smiled sadly.

"I saw James disappear under it constantly. Ah, the adventures we had with the map and cloak. This really shouldn't take you by surprise," Lupin stopped. "Anyways, I saw another dot with you four, and thought-that can't be right. So I ignored it for the moment. And when you were by the Whomping Willow, Sirius' dot appeared and carried two of you off-"

"One of us!" Ron yelled angrily. Lupin looked at Ron.

"No, Ron. Two of you," Lupin retorted. "Peter Pettigrew was with you. And then I realized that's why Sirius was taking you to the Shrieking Shack. He was going to kill Peter."

"Peter killed the Potters. Not Black," Artemis nervously tugged on his tie. Sirius gazed at Artemis approvingly.

"Could I see the rat, Ron?" Lupin asked politely. Ron was thoroughly wigging out by now.

"What's my rat got to do with anything! He's not an Animagus! He's Scabbers!" Ron said defiantly. Harry didn't turn around to see his friend on the floor.

"Do it, Ron!" Harry yelled. Ron gingerly handed Scabbers to Lupin. Lupin held Scabbers with care. Sirius twitched, overtaken in rage.

"Twelve years of hell," Black threw himself at Lupin, grabbing at the rat. He landed on Ron, and Ron howled in pain.

"You can't just kill him now! We have to explain," Lupin held Scabbers away from Sirius' glazed over eyes and gripping hands.

"WE CAN EXPLAIN AFTER WE KILL THE BASTARD!" Sirius pushed Lupin over, and fumbled to grab Scabbers. Scabbers scurried around the mass of confusion.

"They've got a right to know everything!" Lupin panted, still trying to restrain Black. "Ron's kept him as a pet! There are parts of it even I don't understand, and Harry- you owe Harry the truth, Sirius!"

Black stopped struggling, though his hollowed eyes were still fixed on

Scabbers.

"Tell them whatever you like. But make it quick, Remus. I want to commit the murder I was imprisoned for . . ."

"You're nutters, both of you," said Ron shakily, looking round at Harry and Hermione for support. Artemis shook his head. "We did a class on Animagi. The Ministry keeps tabs on who's one and Peter's name was not on the list," Ron defended his rat.

"The Ministry does not have the names of three unregistered Animagi that attended Hogwarts. Which is exactly why Sirius has been able to walk free," Lupin said. Sirius looked away.

"In a sense," Sirius muttered. The door creaked and everyone except Lupin looked to see if there was someone there.

"This place is haunted," Ron said. Lupin shook his head.

"No it isn't. The screams that the villagers heard were from me. I used this place as refuge when I attended Hogwarts. Dumbledore told me to stay here during my transformation every month. This was before the Wolfsbane potion, of course. Now, I just drink it in the week of the full moon, and I still turn into a wolf, but I'm able to keep my mind. Some weeks it's worse than others," Lupin told the story. Sirius looked as impatient as a small child waiting for a trip to a carnival.

"Whenever I transformed, I'd tell my best friends, Sirius, James, and Peter, ridiculous stories of why I had to leave. It was difficult, lying to them. Finally, they got it out of me, being the friends they were. I was afraid that I might lose them, but instead, we got closer," Lupin looked up at Sirius, rather fondly.

"You all became Animagus for him," Artemis deducted. Lupin nodded.

"At our fifth, ignoring how dangerous it was, they accomplished it. They each could turn into the animal of their choice. Werewolves are only a danger to people," Lupin said.

"Please hurry, Remus," Sirius said with a horrid look of hunger on his face.

"All this year, I have been battling with myself, wondering whether I should

tell Dumbledore that Sirius was an Animagus. But I didn't do it. Why? Because I was too cowardly. It would have meant admitting that I'd betrayed his trust while I was at school, admitting that I'd led others along with me . . . and Dumbledore's trust has meant everything to me. He let me into Hogwarts as a boy, and he gave me a job when I have been shunned all my adult life, unable to find paid work because of what I am. And so I convinced myself that Sirius was getting into the school using dark arts he learned from Voldemort, that being an Animagus had

nothing to do with it . . . so, in a way, Snape's been right about me all along."

"Snape?" asked Black harshly, taking his eyes off Scabbers; for the first

time in minutes and looking up at Lupin. "What's Snape got to do with it?"

"He's here, Sirius," said Lupin heavily. "He's teaching here as well." He looked up at Harry, Ron, and Hermione.

"Professor Snape was at school with us. He fought very hard against my

appointment to the Defense Against the Dark Arts job. He has been telling Dumbledore A year that I am not to be trusted. He has his reasons . . . you see, Sirius here played a trick on him which nearly killed him, a trick which involved me-"

Black made a derisive noise.

"It served him right," he sneered. "Sneaking around, trying to find out what we were up to . . . hoping he could get us expelled . . ." Artemis gaped.

"Kill him? For that! Are you mad?" Artemis asked Sirius directly.

"Severus was very interested in where I went every month." Lupin told the four of them. "We were in the same year, you know, and we --er -- didn't like each other very much. He especially disliked James. Jealous, I think, of James's talent on the Quidditch field... Anyway Snape had seen me crossing the grounds with Madam Pomfrey one evening as she led me toward the Whomping Willow to transform. Sirius thought it would be -- er -- amusing, to tell Snape all he had to do was prod the knot on the tree trunk with a long stick, and he'd be able to get in

after me. Well, of course, Snape tried it -- if he'd got as far as this house, he'd have met a fully grown werewolf -- but your father, who'd heard what Sirius had done, went after Snape and pulled him back, at great risk to his life . . . Snape glimpsed me, though, at the end of the tunnel. He was forbidden by Dumbledore to tell anybody, but from that time on he knew what I was . . ." Artemis was still in utter disbelief.

"_Amusing?_ AMUZING! Are you bloody fuckin' mad!" Artemis was in rage that Sirius was so careless. Harry held Artemis back form charging at Sirius.

"Calm down, Artemis," Lupin said nonchalantly.

"But he's my father!" Artemis blurted. Sirius was the only person who looked thoroughly shocked. Sirius gave a short, nervous laugh. It gradually got louder, until a loud booming laugh was the only thing left.

"What other lies does that man feed you? A better question, why do you believe him?" Sirius asked, as if he knew something. Artemis felt insulted by this.

"What would you know?" Artemis spat.

Snape ripped the cloak off of him, revealing his draping black clothes, a wand pointing at Sirius. Hermione screamed, and Black hid stood closely behind Lupin.

Snape and Lupin went back and forth, exchanging words of nothingness. Artemis held his head, wondering what was the truth. Lupin pleaded with Snap, not to do anything he'd regret. Snape was acting rather triumphant about it. He wrapped cords around Lupin, to keep him still. Everyone at once, started shouting and panicking, begging Snape to listen.

"Father! Stop it!" Artemis shouted. Everything stopped.

"Artemis," Hermione whimpered. Sirius scoffed.

"He's not your father, Artemis," Sirius said calmly. Snape shook with rage.

"Quiet! I'm sure the dementors will have a kiss for you yet," Snape smirked. Harry's knees buckled. Sirius did not speak, instead, he gave Artemis a most sympathetic look. Artemis found himself unable to pull away from Sirius' gaze.

"What's he talking about, father?" Artemis asked. Snape ignored Artemis. Instead he ordered them all to come back to Hogwarts. Harry made large strides to the door and stood in Snape's way.

"Professor Lupin could've killed me a million times this year! I've been getting private lessons on how to fight dementors! If he was helping Black, why wouldn't he have done it by now!" Harry protested.

"Don't ask me to fathom the way a werewolf's mind works," hissed Snape.

"Get out of the way, Potter!"

"YOU'RE PATHETIC!" Harry yelled. "JUST BECAUSE THEY MADE A FOOL OF YOU AT SCHOOL YOU WON'T EVEN LISTEN-"

"SILENCE! I WILL NOT BE SPOKEN TO LIKE THAT!" Snape shrieked, looking

madder than ever. "Like father, like son, Potter! I have just saved your neck; you should be thanking me on bended knee! You would have been well served if he'd killed you! You'd have died like your father, too arrogant to believe you might be mistaken in Black- now get out of the way, or I will make you. GET OUT OF THE WAY, POTTER!"

Harry made up his mind in a split second. Before Snape could take even one step toward him, he had raised his wand.

"Expelliarmus!" he yelled- except that his wasn't the only voice that

shouted. There was a blast that made the door rattle on its hinges; Snape was lifted off his feet and slammed into the wall, then slid down it to the floor, a trickle of blood oozing from under his hair. He had been knocked out. Sirius grinned like a loon. Artemis hurried to Snape's side, holding his head up.

"You might not want to touch him, Artemis. He's not really your father," Sirius spoke. Artemis fought back tears.

"Why should I listen to you!" He screamed. Sirius ignored Artemis for the moment.

"You shouldn't have done that," Sirius said. Harry seemed embarrassed. "You should've left him to me."

"We attacked the teacher . . . . We attacked the teacher," Hermione whimpered. Artemis wiped a tear away from his face. Blood trickled down Snape's face. This had been Artemis' greatest fear; his father's death. Artemis could no longer think rationally, he was sure Snape would die. Black untied Lupin and Lupin dusted himself off.

"Well, time for proof," Lupin spoke wisely and grabbed Scabbers from Ron. Sirius pulled out a newspaper clipping of the Weasley family in Egypt.

"How did you get this?" Ron asked. Sirius shrugged.

"Fudge visited me in Azkaban. He gave me a paper to read, and there he was. Peter, sitting on your shoulder. It said, this boy, you, were going back to Hogwarts, where Harry was. . . Where," Sirius stopped. Lupin pointed at the rat in the moving picture.

"My God," Lupin breathed, "His front paw." Black nodded.

"What about it?" Ron asked defiantly.

"The only part of Peter that the Ministry found was his finger. He cut it off himself," Lupin said, amazed himself.

"He faked his death once, why not go for another try? It was easy, since. . . Crookshanks, is what you call him, could have easily killed him. It was the perfect escape," Sirius spoke softly.

"And now you've come to finish him off!" Harry yelled.

"Yes, I have," said Black, with an evil look at Scabbers.

"Then I should've let Snape take you!" Harry shouted.

"Harry," said Lupin hurriedly, "don't you see? All this time we've thought Sirius betrayed your parents, and Peter tracked him down but, it was the other way around, don't you see? Peter betrayed your mother and father. Sirius tracked Peter down-"

"THAT'S NOT TRUE!" Harry yelled. "HE WAS THEIR SECRET-KEEPER! HE SAID SO BEFORE YOU TURNED UP. HE SAID HE KILLED THEM!"

He was pointing at Black, who shook his head slowly; the sunken eyes were suddenly over bright.

"Harry . . . I as good as killed them," he croaked. "I persuaded Lily and James to change to Peter at the last moment, persuaded them to use him as Secret-Keeper instead of me . . . I'm to blame, I know it . . . The night they died, I'd arranged to check on Peter, make sure he was still safe, but when I arrived at his hiding place, he'd gone. Yet there was no sign of a struggle. It didn't feel right. I was scared. I set out for your parents' house straight away. And when I saw their house, destroyed, and their bodies . . . I realized what Peter must've done . . . what I'd done . . ."

His voice broke. He turned away. Artemis unwillingly entered Sirius' mind, and saw what Sirius had seen that night. It was horrible, the emotion Sirius had for Lily and James. They both starred up into the sky, a look of horror on both of their faces. Sirius had lost his mind, right then and there. He ripped through the rubble, screaming Peter's name.

"Enough of this," said Lupin, and there was a steely note in his voice Harry had never heard before. "There's one certain way to prove what really happened. Ron, give me that rat."

"What are you going to do with him if I give him to you?" Ron asked Lupin tensely.

"Force him to show himself," said Lupin. "If he really is a rat, it won't hurt him."

Ron hesitated. Then at long last, he held out Scabbers and Lupin took him. Scabbers began to squeak without stopping, twisting and turning, his tiny black eyes bulging in his head. "Ready, Sirius?" said Lupin.

Black had walked over to Snape's body and snatched the wand from Snape's hand. Artemis felt a sudden urge of hate for Sirius. He stood up and pushed the man away.

"Don't come near my father! You're a monster!" Artemis shouted. Sirius sighed.

"I'll explain to you later. But for now, this needs to be taken care of," Sirius spoke with a sudden urgency and authority, as if Sirius could control Artemis. Sirius turned around and approached Lupin and the struggling rat, and his wet eyes suddenly seemed to be burning in his face.

"Together?" Sirius said quietly.

"I think so," Lupin replied, holding Scabbers tightly in one hand and his wand in the other. "On the count of three. One -- two -- THREE!"

A flash of blue-white light erupted from both wands; for a moment, Scabbers was frozen in midair, his small gray form twisting madly -- Ron yelled -- the rat fell and hit the floor. There was another blinding flash of light and then --

Artemis watched curiously, as he found that the rat was turning into a man, little by little. The man scurried away, but not before Lupin and Black tackled him. Ron was in utter shock.

"Well, hello Peter. Long time no see," Lupin said mockingly pleasant. "We've been talking about the night Lily and James died. You might've missed the finer points in all of your squeaking and flailing."

Sirius grabbed Peter's neck.

"Remus, you don't believe him, do you? He tried to kill me!" Peter squealed. "I knew he would escape Azkaban to come after me! You've got to believe me!"

"Why did you think that? No one had ever escaped Azkaban before," Lupin asked.

"He's got dark magic, magic we can only dream of. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named helped him!" Peter said accusingly. Sirius scoffed.

"Voldemort, teach me tricks!" Sirius laughed. Peter shivered. "Scared to hear your old master's name? I would be too if all of them weren't out to kill you."

Sirius tightened his grip on Peter's neck.

"Remus, stop him," Peter gagged.

"Sirius," Lupin chimed.

Artemis cried over his fallen father in the corner of the room. Hermione kept asking Sirius questions, Artemis didn't really care about it anymore. Sirius was obviously reckless and evil, no matter what his intentions were with Harry. Peter was obviously guilty, and Artemis knew this. Hermione just wanted the facts right. Artemis grabbed his father's hand and squeezed.

Pettigrew had fallen to his knees as though Harry's nod had been his own

death sentence. He shuffled forward on his knees, groveling, his hands clasped in front of him as though praying.

"Sirius- it's me . . . it's Peter . . . your friend . . . you wouldn't-"

Black kicked out and Pettigrew recoiled.

"There's enough filth on my robes without you touching them!" Black spat.

"Remus!" Pettigrew squeaked, turning to Lupin instead, writhing imploringly in front of him. "You don't believe this wouldn't Sirius have told you they'd changed the plan?"

"Not if he thought I was the spy, Peter," said Lupin. "I assume that's why you didn't tell me, Sirius?" he said casually over Pettigrews head.

"Forgive me, Remus," said Black.

"Not at all, Padfoot, old friend," said Lupin, who was now rolling up his sleeves. "And will you, in turn, forgive me for believing you were the spy?"

"Of course," said Black, and the ghost of a grin flitted across his gaunt face. He, too, began rolling up his sleeves. "Shall we kill him together?"

"Yes, I think so," said Lupin conclusively. Sirius and Lupin stood shoulder to shoulder, wand pointing at Peter.

"You should've realized, if Voldemort didn't kill you, we would've," Sirius spoke tonelessly.

"NO! You can't kill him!" Harry shouted. Artemis jerked up, wondering why, Harry of all people, as protesting this. "My father would not have wanted his two best friends to become murderers. Azkaban . . . That's the place for Peter."

Sirius and Lupin both lowered their wands simultaneously.

"Fine then. Back to Hogwarts," Sirius said with resentment for the fact that he was not going to kill Peter.

"What about Snape?" Hermione asked. She looked over at Artemis, who seemed rather torn at the moment.

"We'll bring him with, obviously. Morbilicorpus," Sirius flicked his wand at Snape, and Artemis' attention was brought to Snape floating in the air. He stood up and walked over to Hermione.

Artemis jogged to keep up with the group's hurried pace. Everyone, including Ron, were almost running. Artemis didn't like how careless Sirius was with handling Snape.

"You know what this means? Turning Pettigrew in?" Sirius asked Harry quietly.

"You're free," Harry answered.

"Well, yes. That. But I'm also- I don't know if anyone told you this- I'm your godfather," Sirius smiled. Harry nodded.

"Yeah, I knew that," Harry said hopefully.

"Well, your parents appointed me guardian. If anything were to happen to them," Sirius paused. Artemis could tell Harry knew what was coming next.

"I'll understand, of course, if you want to stay with your aunt and uncle," Black started, "But . . . Well . . . think about it. Once my name's cleared . . . if you wanted a . . . a different home . . ."

Artemis didn't even try to know what Harry was thinking. The aura of happiness in Harry could be felt by everyone.

"What -- live with you?" he said, accidentally cracking his head on a bit of rock protruding from the ceiling. "Leave the Dursleys?"

"Of course, I thought you wouldn't want to," said Black quickly. "I understand, I just thought I'd-"

"Are you insane?" Harry asked with delight. "Of course I want to leave the Dursleys! Have you got a house? When can I move in?"

For the moment, Artemis smiled at the two of them. He wished he had such a father, but Harry was much deserving now. He had never met his parents before. Artemis shivered. There was a horrid silence after that, and awkward silence. Even though Sirius and Harry walked directly in front of Artemis, Black seemed to be slowing down, to walk next to Artemis. He felt comfortable about this, but Black continued to slow down until he was closely next to Artemis. He said nothing to Black, knowing what was coming next.

"Don't you want me to tell you why I know Snape isn't your father?" Sirius teased. Artemis didn't look at him.

"I don't need your insight," Artemis snapped. Sirius seemed a little taken off guard.

"I'm sure you wouldn't want to go running around, claiming that Snape is your father if you didn't have to," Sirius laughed. Artemis blanched. This was true, of course. Snape had not been a fair man, even though Artemis was sure he was his father.

"I really don't understand where you are going with this," Artemis lied. He didn't want to know what was coming. Sirius sighed.

"Ever wonder why your only memory of your father is one of the candy store in Hogsmead?" Sirius asked. Artemis' eyes widened.

"How did you know that!" Artemis asked quickly.

"I had to fabricate that memory. You've never seen your real father ever before in your life, only in that picture your mother has. Your father was no where near the Bay of Kola when he disappeared. That was a story I created. How do you think it would've sounded if Artemis Fowl Senior had been taken away to a wizard prison?" Sirius asked. Artemis shivered.

"You're my father," Artemis breathed. Sirius nodded.

"I'm sorry Artemis. I needed to deceive you and your mother. If Voldemort were to find the both of you, I'd have killed myself," Sirius stopped walking. Artemis was too stunned to move. Lupin stopped.

"Would you like us to continue?" Lupin asked. Sirius nodded at him. The group went off ahead. Sirius and Artemis starred at each other for a long time.

"I saw you at Honeydukes during one of Hogwarts' Hogsmead trips. I had never seen you in the flesh. I . . . Couldn't believe it. You were so much like me. It was impossible. I figured you'd eventually make it into Hogwarts. I had no idea you possessed any magical talent. I was actually hoping that you wouldn't have," Sirius looked ashamed of himself.

"Yeah . . . Well," Artemis did not tell him about the fairies and their magical aid. "I've kept up your empire while you were away," was all Artemis could muster. Artemis Senior looked down at him, and put his hand on Artemis' shoulder.

"Artemis, there was no empire. I stole the Fowl name from research I had been doing before James and Lily died, in case I had to run from Voldemort. There was a real Artemis Fowl, who was a real descendant from Lord Hugo De Fole, and of course you know him. I stole his name! My real name is Sirius Black," Sirius admitted. Artemis felt like his insides had shriveled up inside of him.

"I'm not really a Fowl?" Artemis asked, quite proud of his lineage. Sirius shook his head.

"No, but you're still Artemis. You have to understand, I did it for our safety! I did not run away from you!" Sirius was near tears.

"Why does Snape think he's my father?" Artemis was near yelling, crossing his eye brows. Sirius looked to his side in the darkness. Lupin had taken Snape with the group. Black swallowed hard.

"After your mother and I were married, shortly after, I went to Azkaban. She went to Hogwarts to speak with Dumbledore about what had happened, and that's where . . . Snape and her met," Sirius' voice trailed away. Artemis had a look of horror in his face.

"So he could be my father!" Artemis yelled. Sirius shook his head.

"No. Before Angeline went to see Dumbledore, she came to visit me. She told me that she was pregnant. Trust me, I'm your father," Sirius shook Artemis gently. Artemis bit his lip.

"Why did she . . . Have an affair with that . . .," Artemis stopped. Sirius shook his head.

"You cannot blame her! She thought she was never going to see me again! She was quite frail then, as she is now!" Sirius defended her.

"Why hasn't she told me about any of this!" Artemis asked viciously. Sirius pulled Artemis to him, embracing him much more strongly than Snape had. Artemis let a few tears past him.

"She is clearly trying to suppress what happened. But, Butler knows the truth. I asked him not to tell you. He thinks that Angeline also doesn't know about what happened to me," Sirius let go of him. "Angeline can't handle what happened. So I put a spell on the two of you. Every year, I make sure you think I disappeared a year ago, enough reason to think that I'm dead, enough hope to think I'm not," Sirius smiled sadly.

"How could you lie to me? How could you fool our family for so long?" Artemis let a tear seep through and trickle down his face, starring his father in the eyes.

"There was no other way. I had to serve my sentence. You have no idea how I've longed to hold you and your mother . . . Every day I was torn apart by the . . . Need for revenge! I served 12 years in that damn prison! It was hell, Artemis! It was hell!" Sirius grabbed Artemis' shoulders. Artemis sobbed openly now. Sirius held Artemis' arm and pulled him through the tunnel.


	8. The End

**A Dreadfully Convenient Crossover and the Prisoner of the Arctic Incident**

By a rather spastic Spectra16 (whom, for the first time, is finishing a story she is proud of)

_Spectra16 gives her story two and a half thumbs up!_

_Critics say she needs to be admitted into the nearest medical hospital!_

_Roepert wonders where his money is! ("I don't critique for free, ya' know!")_

"_I really like your story. Someday, I intend to read it."-Anonymous reviewer_

"_The only part that settled with me is when Lemony flicks Rita off his desk. That part tickled me pink."-Anonymous reviewer_

"_This story does not capture the essence of my greatness!"-Harry Potter_

"_Never read this story. And never read the Series of Unfortunate Events. If I wanted you to read that, I'd have titled it, the Series of Completely Happy and Dandy Events. But I did not, so please, stop reading about the horrible lives of the Baudelaires."-Lemony Snicket_

_Entertainment Tonight says that in order for them to do a five second special on this story, they need approval of Paris Hilton (which they did not get, considering Miss Hilton cannot read . . . Or write)._

_Ted Nugent announced today that he will not be taking anymore requests from hippies._

_Artemis sent several letters, concerning the fact that his father was ALMOST Snape. Artemis also added that he threw up when he read this._

_Hermione also sent several hate letters, expressing her true feelings for Artemis. Thus, the Hermione/Artemis essence stops in this chapter. I never intended for their relationship to be so sarcasm racy. _

_This chapter included a small kitten hit by a cast iron bathtub._

_My friend, Tierra, would like everyone to know that Church from Red vs. Blue should make a cameo appearance to express his feeling about how Hermione and Harry try to fuck everything over with their little time changing twanger. _

_Spectra16, sends her deepest regrets to you all because Lemony did not appear in this story half as much as she would've hoped. But the next Convenient Crossover, he will be making a lot of hoopla, considering Rita gets her major appearance and toys with the lives of human beings. _

_Also, I'd like you all to know that this is the last official chapter. There will be an epilogue and an "Erased Scenes" (somewhat similar to Deleted Scenes on DVDs) and a rather silly character talk back. Thank you for reading this far. I love you all dearly._

_Spectra16_

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Chapter Eight: The End of Life Before S.P.E.W., the End of the Suspicions of LEP, and the Ongoing, Yet Perishing Tales of the VFD

Once Sirius and Artemis caught up to the group, they were already outside of the Whomping Willow. The branches were still and peaceful, which was quite the contrast to before they had touched the knot. The lights of Hogwarts were lit brightly, and the sun was completely gone. Remus wheezed.

"Remus," Sirius ran to Lupin's side, helping him up. The darkness flooded away as a cloud drifted away from the moon's light. Artemis was the second to notice this, for Sirius had gotten to it before. The light crept across the ground where he stood, panicking now. Lupin was now shaking, Sirius keeping him stable.

"Oh no, he didn't take his potion tonight. He's not safe," Hermione spoke clearly. Artemis watched Lupin shake. Sirius clasped onto his face.

"Remus, listen to me! We're your friends! Don't!" Sirius yelled at him. "Run. Run now!"

Harry didn't need to be told twice. Hermione and Artemis hurried after him carrying Ron up the hill, away from Lupin and Sirius. Lupin started transforming into the wolf, he became taller, and still stood on two feet. But he was overcome with hair now, and snarling at Black. Sirius tried to keep his cool now.

"Dad!" Artemis yelled.

"Leave it to me!" Sirius put his hands in front of Lupin's gleaming eyes. Lupin sprung at Sirius, knocking him to the ground and biting him in the chest. Sirius immediately transfigured into a black dog and fought back. Sirius seemed too small compared to Lupin, but he was still holding on.

The group was distracted by this, and Artemis was first to realized that Peter had transformed into a rat again. Artemis dove after him, and did Harry. They stumbled after the man who was guilty for killing Harry's parents.

"Sirius! He's gone! Pettigrew transformed!" Harry shouted nervously. Artemis stumbled to try to find the tiny rat.

"Dammit," Artemis howled and resorted to slapping his hands down to knock the rat unconscious. Harry stood up and ran a few steps toward where Lupin and Sirius were fighting. Black was clearly bleeding now, too busy with his duel with Lupin. Lupin pushed Black down the hill and followed after his falling body. Artemis winced as he watched them.

"We should get out of here. Bring Snape back to the castle," Harry said. Hermione and Artemis helped Ron up, whom was looking quite dazed. Then there was a howl of pain, from Sirius.

"Sirius," Harry hurried towards the howl, leaving Snape dangling in midair. Hermione and Artemis followed.

"What about Ron?" Hermione asked.

"Leave him for the moment," Harry starred over the hill. Sirius kept yelping, and Harry guessed that he must be somewhere by the lake. Artemis ran past the brush that cut his clothes and face. Hermione and Harry also showed no signs of relenting. All three of them continued to run, and then felt a sudden urge of coldness. Artemis knew there was dementors coming up, and he looked at Harry, who also seemed rather frightened.

"Harry," Artemis said his name, as if to warn him.

"I know," Harry replied. Artemis grimaced. The yelping stopped and Artemis' heart dropped. _He can't be dead. Not after I just met him._

Harry, Hermione, and Artemis stepped out into the clearing, where there was a rather clear looking lake. There was Sirius, in his human form, moaning on the ground, his arms above his head.

"Please . . . No," Sirius begged.

_"Sirius . . . Black,"_ Artemis heard the same voice he had heard before. The dementor voice. He looked up, and there were hundreds of them, circling the air above the lake. Harry pulled out his wand, shuddering. Hermione feel to her knees in a great depression. Artemis, was feeling something entirely different.

_That's why they had come to me . . . They knew I was born of Sirius. They thought I was Sirius. . ._

Artemis was in a daze. A dementor floated down in front of him, and hypnotized him.

_"Sirius Black," _The dementor addressed Artemis. Sirius held out his hand to Artemis.

"NO! Stop!" Sirius screamed. Artemis had not heard him. The dementor was busy feeding on Artemis' mixed emotions. Artemis felt himself losing control of his thoughts.

"STOP! I'm Sirius Black!" Sirius screamed desperately. Artemis didn't move. There was no more happiness left in Artemis. He felt backwards, stiff as a board. Sirius screamed.

"STOP!"

The dementor kneeled over Artemis, he still starred into space, as if he understood.

"Harry, get him out of here," Artemis breathed and Harry had heard him. Harry looked up at the dementors still in the sky.

"Hermione! Think of something happy! The happiest thing!" Harry yelled.

"EXPECTO PATRONUM! Expecto Patronum! Hermione, help me!" Harry screamed. Hermione tried, but she couldn't. Harry kept screaming.

"EXPECTO PATRONUM! EXPECTO PATRONUM!" Harry shook with the reverb in his voice. Artemis closed his eyes, waiting for the kiss. Harry kept yelling this, and Artemis tried to relax as he was to die.

"EXPECTO PATRONUM!" Harry closed his eyes, and when he opened them, there was a streak of white light piercing through the darkness around them. He had done it. He preformed a patronus. Harry collapsed, watching the dementors swirl around in confusion. But it was fading, and a dementor came down to Sirius this time. Harry was heart broken. He had failed. The dementor pulled off his hood.

_"Kill Sirius Black,"_ the dementor spoke. The hood of the other dementor, Artemis' dementor, came down, and was also about to kiss him. Harry threw himself over Sirius, holding him away from the dementor. Artemis starred up at the face of the dementor. They were no eyes in the sockets, just a horrid mouth. Behind the dementor was the circling dementors. The sky was clear and fleeting. He closed his eyes, but a bright light reflected on his vision. Artemis opened his eyes, finding that the dementors were flying away now. Artemis felt much warmer, much safer. He sat up, seeing Hermione in a heap on the ground, Harry covering Sirius. Sirius breathed heavily.

Harry looked up across the lake. Artemis looked at whatever Harry was starring at. It was a shining light, perhaps where the patronus came from. Artemis squinted to see it, but his eyes were just starting to adjust. He saw someone across the lake, but he disappeared with the light. Artemis was brought back to reality, seeing that Harry had collapsed on top of Sirius. They all were unconscious, with the exception of Artemis. Artemis wiped his eyes and accessed the situation.

"Artemis!" A voice pierced through the despairing silence of the lake. Artemis looked toward the voice, and Snape was coming through the brush. He had found his wand on the ground, because he was holding dangerously in hand.

"I saw the light. What was that? Was it a patronus?" Snape grilled Artemis with questions.

"I guess," Artemis said, dazed. Snape flicked his wand, carrying Harry and Sirius lifelessly.

"Help me with Granger, Artemis," Snape said, as if he still thought that he was Artemis' father. Artemis did help Hermione up the hill in the same fashion that Sirius and Harry were in. Snape ignored the cut on his head for the moment. The walk up the hill was quiet.

"I'm sure Black gave you a completely bullshit story of who's your real father," Snape blurted out. Artemis was shocked, but was obviously not going to pass this up.

"What?" Artemis asked curiously, now able to keep his mind closed from Snape.

"Nothing. He's always been a rather egocentric person. I guess he had too much on his mind, like escaping, to keep him from causing more trouble with me," Snape mumbled. Artemis ignored it and smiled when Snape wasn't looking.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Artemis sat in Dumbledore's office, looking rather discomforted. Snape had forced him to hand his own father over to the dementors. Artemis felt nervous and sick. Dumbledore starred at him.

"Artemis, tell me what happened," Dumbledore sat across from him in a nice Victorian looking chair. Artemis folded his hands.

"Well, Hermione, Harry, Ron and I all went to see Hagrid, to check on him. He's not been doing well, as I'm sure you know. You, Fudge, and the executioner showed up, we ran off. And then . . . He attacked us," Artemis was stopped by Dumbledore.

"He? Sirius?" Dumbledore asked.

"Yes. But. . . He was a dog. A black dog. He pulled Ron into the Whomping Willow. We followed after him, and we ended up in the Shrieking Shack. Sirius kept us there, telling us he was going to kill someone. He wanted to kill Peter, but we thought Peter was dead. Lupin arrived a little later than we did, and we thought Lupin had been helping Sirius. He hadn't, but he was now helping him. Ron's rat, Scabbers, he's Peter. And just as they had explained everything that happened in the past, with the death of the Potters, Snape showed up and wouldn't listen to the story. He kept accusing him . . . Sirius," Artemis bit his lip.

"Your father," Dumbledore seemed to know that Artemis had been told. Artemis looked at him, rather shocked, but he continued.

"We attacked Snape, to hear the rest of the story. They told us, and we left to take Snape up to Hogwarts and get everything straightened out. But then Lupin transformed . . . Into a werewolf. Black fought with him, and it brought us to the lake, where the dementors were. I don't know where Lupin ran off to. But, someone conjured a patronus, and we were all safe. Everyone blanked out, except me, and Snape showed up. And now we're here," Artemis said stoically. Dumbledore looked like he was in deep thought. He nodded. He stood up, straightening his robes out of habit.

"Follow me," He said, and Artemis did not hesitate to.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Artemis recognized where Dumbledore was bringing him. It was the hospital wing. Snape and Fudge were just leaving as Dumbledore and Artemis came in. As soon as Harry saw Dumbledore, he started trying to explain what had happened. Pomfrey was quick to hush him, but Dumbledore asked her to leave. She did quietly. Artemis looked at Hermione.

"Professor, Black's telling the truth! We saw Pettigrew! He escaped when Professor Lupin turned into a werewolf!"

"-- he's a rat --"

"-- Pettigrew's front paw, I mean, finger, he cut it off --"

"-- Pettigrew attacked Ron, it wasn't Sirius --"

But Dumbledore held up his hand to stop the flood of explanations. Artemis sighed.

"It is your turn to listen, and I beg you will not interrupt me, because there is very little time," he said quietly. "There is not a shred of proof to support Black's story, except your word -- and the word of three thirteen-year-old wizards will not convince anybody. A street full of eyewitnesses swore they saw Sirius murder Pettigrew. I myself gave evidence to the Ministry that Sirius had been the Potters'

Secret-Keeper."

Harry and Hermione remained very quiet.

"But you do believe us?" Hermione asked. Dumbledore nodded.

"Yes, but we won't be able to convince anyone of your story. What we need. . . Is more time," Dumbledore eyes gleamed and his head turned to Hermione.

"But-oh!" Hermione smiled.

"Now, pay attention," Dumbledore bellowed. "Sirius is locked in Professor Flitwick's office on the seventh floor. Thirteenth window from the right of the West Tower. If all goes well, you will be able to save more than one innocent life tonight. But remember this, both of you: you must not be seen. Miss Granger, you know the law -- you know what is at stake... You -- must -- not -- be --seen."

Dumbledore went to the door with a key in hand. Artemis, sitting on Harry's bed, was wondering if he was supposed to remain here.

"I am going to lock you in. It is --" he consulted his watch, "five minutes to midnight. Miss Granger, three turns should do it. Good luck."

"Hermione, what's he talking about?" Harry asked, as Dumbledore shut the door. Hermione pulled out a small trinket on a golden chain. Artemis watched it carefully. _Aurum Est Potestas . . . What a lie that had been._

"Harry, Artemis, come here quick!" She hissed. Harry and Artemis leapt to their feet, and she rallied them closer to her. There was a tiny hourglass on the end. She threw the loop over Harry and Artemis' head as well as her own.

"Ready?" She asked.

"For what?" Harry asked, sickly. She threw the hourglass back three times. Artemis watched what seemed to be a flash of light and time reverse. The sun came back and seemed to be setting in the east, and people scurried through the hospital wing. In a few moments, everything returned to normal. The sun was still in the sky, but just setting.

"Woah," Artemis whispered. Hermione hurried out of the hospital wing, Harry and Artemis following her in amazement.

"We mustn't let our real counterparts see us," Hermione hissed as they ran out of the door to Hagrid's.

"Where did you get that hourglass thing?" Harry asked. Hermione whipped her head around to look at him.

"It's called a Time-Turner," Hermione whispered, "and I got it from Professor McGonagall on our first day back. I've been using it all year to get to all my lessons. Professor McGonagall made me swear I wouldn't tell anyone. She had to write all sorts of letters to the Ministry of Magic so I could have one. She had to tell them that I was a model student, and that I'd never, ever use it for anything except my studies . . . I've been turning it back so I could do hours over again, that's how I've been doing several lessons at once, see? But . . . What did Dumbledore mean? How is going back three hours going to help Sirius?" Hermione asked. Harry sat in thought, but Artemis knew right away.

"Dumbledore said we could save more than one innocent life. He . . . He wants us to save Buckbeak," Artemis smiled at the thought. Hermione, Harry, and Artemis hid behind a pillar of the gardens, starring down at Hagrid's hut, down a steep valley. Buckbeak was still tied up in the pumpkin patch.

"But, how will saving Buckbeak help us to save Sirius?" Hermione asked. Harry spoke up.

"He told us that Sirius was being held in Flitwick's office. We could use Buckbeak to fly up to his office. And then Buckbeak and Sirius could fly off together!" Harry said with excitement. Hermione hushed him.

"If we manage that without being seen, it'll be a miracle," She watched carefully to see Hagrid open the door to an unseen force. He did, and waited for them to step inside. Harry lurched forward to climb down to the pumpkin patch, but Artemis stopped him.

"No! Not yet! That was the first round. You're coming back to get me, remember?" Artemis assured him. Harry nodded. Hagrid opened the door again, and they assumed Harry had left.

"We should run for the forest. No one will see us there," Artemis suggested. Hermione nodded.

"Now," She said and darted off. Harry and Artemis followed closely behind her and hit the front patch of trees. They stalked the hut, watching it closely as they walked through the brush. Hagrid had opened a window to look out at Buckbeak, and just in the trees below Hagrid's giant pumpkin, Harry, Hermione, and Artemis sat. Finally, Harry and Artemis arrived at the house, and they talked with the others for a while. Artemis watched himself in the window.

"Is that really how I look?" Artemis blanched. Harry snickered. A piece of glass shattering was heard from the cabin.

"Peter," Artemis whispered. Dumbledore, Fudge, and the executioner rapped on Hagrid's hut door. Artemis saw Ron, Hermione, Harry, and himself leave quickly and run off.

"Now's our chance," Hermione said and hurried out of the brush. Harry and Artemis came closer to Buckbeak. Artemis was wary of the window that was still open.

"Hurry, Harry! Or they might see!" He hissed. Harry took quieted steps towards Buckbeak. Buckbeak starred at him with utmost respect. Harry bowed nervously, and Buckbeak returned the favor.

"Come on, Buckbeak. We're going to help you. Quietly now," Harry approached Buckbeak, who was quite nonchalant about the situation. Harry snatched the rope Buckbeak was attached to. Harry tugged on the rope conservatively, and Buckbeak seemed quite irritate by it. Harry managed to pull him toward the wooded area. Hermione and Artemis backed up, now that Buckbeak was quite agitated. Buckbeak showed quite the menacing look at Artemis. Artemis bowed respectfully, and Buckbeak stopped acting so hostile.

"We'll have to hide in the forest until we get back from the Shrieking Shack. We should probably hide over there so that we'll know what's going on," Hermione suggested. Artemis nodded.

"Let's go," Harry tugged Buckbeak around.

Hermione, Harry, and Artemis hid behind a clump of bushes, watching their whereabouts from a different angle. They watched Sirius plow over Harry, and all of them winced at this.

"Ouch. It looks worse from this angle," Harry commented. He watched Sirius tug Ron into the Whomping Willow.

"This is too weird," Artemis spoke, watching himself get slapped by the tree. Buckbeak pawed at his face. After Sirius had finally gotten Ron down into the tree, and Harry, Artemis, and Harry followed, the current Harry spoke up.

"Here comes Lupin!" Harry whispered. Artemis watched him walk through the Whomping Willow sympathetically.

"We never did find out what happened to him after we left," Artemis stated.

"I hope he's alright," Harry said. Buckbeak snorted. Harry hushed him slightly. "I wish he had grabbed the cloak. It's just laying there. . ." Harry said with a little lust in his eyes.

"If I could just run out and grab it," He said hintingly. He walked out towards plain view, and Hermione snatched him away.

"Are you crazy! We CANNOT be seen!" Hermione hissed, just as they heard a deep voice burst out into song. They looked simultaneously and found Hagrid in a drunken, happy mood, walking towards the castle.

"See what would've happened? We must stay out of view! Buckbeak, stop it!" Hermione batted Buckbeak away, whom was trying to get hold of Hagrid's attention. Harry calmed him down, and Artemis sat, leaning up against a tree quite impatiently. Only a few minutes later, Snape revealed himself, storming his way into the Whomping Willow, snatching up the cloak on his way. Harry muttered something, but Artemis couldn't hear him. He was busy muttering as well.

This was the last part they'd have to wait for until they came up from the Shrieking Shack, which would bring on all of hell. Artemis, Hermione, and Harry sat in utter silence for the most part, until Hermione asked a very appropriate question.

"Harry, there's something I don't understand. Why didn't the dementors get Sirius? I remember them coming, and then I think I passed out. There were so many of them . . ." Hermione drifted off.

"Well, what I am sure of was that the dementor came down . . . To kiss Sirius and that I was attempting a patronus. There was so much confusion, so much nervousness that I'm not quite sure what I saw there. I think . . . I might have conjured the patronus," Harry said, quite disbelieving of his statement.

"Or . . . Maybe I imagined it. I saw . . . A man there. I think it was a man. He must've conjured it. I know I saw him," Harry stated. Artemis looked at him intently. He had been to focused on starring into the face of a dementor to see a man that might've conjured the patronus.

"I think it was my dad," Harry whispered. Hermione titled her head.

"Harry, your father is dead. Maybe it was his ghost," She said quietly.

"Maybe I was seeing things," Harry replied quickly. Artemis could tell that Harry was quite positive of what he saw. Either that or he was building up such a hope that it was his father. There was a short silence.

"Artemis, what did Sirius mean when he said you knew more than you led on?" Hermione asked. Artemis scratched his neck.

"I had my suspicions about Padfoot, Prongs, Moony, and Wormtail being who they were. I first guessed that Moony was Lupin. And Wormtail and Padfoot sort of just . . . Came to me. All of the names reflect what they turn into. Apparently Harry's father has something to do with prongs," Artemis said and Hermione nodded.

"Why didn't you say anything?" She asked, not sounding angry, as Artemis had expected.

"I wasn't positive. I was worried that I was just being paranoid. In a way, I was. I also saw Sirius on the night that Ron saw him. I was running around with the cloak and map when I spotted a black dog. I had no idea that it really was Sirius Black, even the map identified him as that. I just thought someone had named their dog Sirius Black," Artemis said stupidly. Hermione and Harry laughed a little. Artemis chuckled under his breath. A soft wind rustled through Artemis' hair, the first sign of the evening cool. Hermione jerked up.

"Here we come," She whispered, and Harry and Artemis stood up with her. The moon was starting to creep out of the cloud, which made the three of them quite nervous.

"Harry, there's nothing we can do. We must remain here," Hermione reminded him. Harry was not thrilled about this idea.

"Hermione! We've got to move!" Harry hissed.

"What did I just tell you!" Hermione reprimanded. Artemis tapped her on the shoulder.

"No. We have to move! Lupin is going to come right at us," Artemis pulled Hermione over to start her running. Harry was not left far behind. Buckbeak finally stopped fighting Harry, sensing the danger of being in the path of a werewolf.

"We need to get Buckbeak somewhere. We can't keep dragging him about everywhere!" Hermione looked around at Harry, still running towards Hagrid's cabin. Harry also saw the hut.

"Take him to Hagrid's! Artemis and I will watch the happenings! We'll come back to get you!" Harry said. Hermione nodded and gave Artemis a curious look.

"Can you handle him?" Artemis asked. Hermione nodded nervously. Harry helped Buckbeak into the cabin and shut the door with Hermione inside.

"Let's go help Sirius," Harry said determinedly. There was a hollow howl at the moon, courtesy of Lupin. The sound chilled Artemis to the bone, for it had been more powerful, more threatening now than in the movies. Artemis gulped as he struggled to continue running with Harry.

"Hurry, Artemis! I want to see who it is!" Harry kept running until he arrived at the lake. Artemis looked up into the tiny peek holes in the trees, seeing dementors fly above in the sky, meeting at the lake. Harry and Artemis hid behind a bush, watching the dementors multiply in number, circling the lake dangerously. The water of the lake was unusually calm, but the mood was not. The feeling of death hung in the air.

Sirius lay in a heap next to the water of the lake, Harry hung over him, as if trying to protect him. Artemis, terrified, laid down, waiting for the dementor's kiss. And Hermione had passed out long before. Artemis watched this terrifying moment unfold.

"Come on, dad," Harry clenched his fists together. Artemis sat there, worried. Harry, across the lake, was attempting at a patronus, but tiny sparks of silver light was the result. Harry pounded his fists on the soft ground.

"Where is he?" Harry asked, agitatedly. The dementors had now lowered their hoods, and Artemis felt a knot in his stomach. The situation had drastically changed when Harry threw himself over the bush and stood directly on the opposite end of the lake.

"EXPECTO PATRONUM!" Harry yelled. Artemis gasped, watching Harry, watching the sky. The same thing happened as before. Tiny sparks of silver flew in the air. "EXPECTO PATRONUM!" Harry shouted louder, hoarsely. Artemis watched the dementor that loomed over his body, wondering when this miracle could occur. Harry yelled again and again, hopelessly. Artemis stepped out from the brush and pointed his wand in the air. Harry was stunned at Artemis' actions.

"Together, Harry," Artemis spoke calmly. Harry nodded and pointed his wand at the sky again.

"EXPECTO PATRONUM!" They both yelled simultaneously. A giant blast of white energy shot up into the abyss of dementors. They scattered, and the two by Artemis and Sirius also flew off. The light dulled, revealing only stars in the sky. Artemis gasped for air, Harry was shook up.

"Did you see that?" Harry asked. Artemis gave a weak laugh.

"Who wouldn't?" Artemis asked sarcastically. Harry shook his head.

"No. That animal," Harry rested his hands on his knees. Artemis quirked an eyebrow.

"No."

"Prongs," Harry said meagerly and Artemis guessed he HAD seen his father's animagus. Artemis turned to see Hermione dragging Buckbeak.

"What did you do! You said you were only going to keep a look out!" She nearly screamed.

"I just saved our lives! Here, get behind this. I'll explain everything."

-.-.-.-.-.-

Artemis felt rather unbalanced on a hippogriff. He wanted to grip onto something other than Hermione's waist, but Harry had warned him not to grab hold of Buckbeak's feathers. Artemis felt rather uncomfortable and unsafe, but this was for Sirius. He gulped as Buckbeak pushed himself up into the air and started to flap his wings. Hermione squeaked in fear, and tightly held onto Harry.

The airborne feeling was a frightening, yet beautiful one. Artemis felt so empowered, being several hundred feet above the ground. Hermione did not bother to look down, which would've been the smarter thing to do. Artemis knew this chance wouldn't come very often, so he decided to observe the feeling in the moment.

"There he is!" Harry remembered exactly where Dumbledore had told him. Harry, the least nervous of all three, directed Buckbeak to fly towards Flitwick's office window. Buckbeak halted in front of his window, and still flapped his wings magnificently to remain airborne.

Black looked up, with his jaw hanging open at the sight. He stood closer to the window, and pressed his fingers up to it. The window was obviously locked.

"Stand back!" Hermione said, holding her wand in hand.

"Alohomora!" She yelled, and the window flung open. Sirius stepped forth.

"How? How?" He uttered.

"No time to explain. Get on!" Harry spoke quickly. Sirius obviously didn't hesitate. Sirius jumped onto Buckbeak, and Artemis helped him up. Sirius sat behind Artemis. Artemis smiled at him.

"Well, hello again," Sirius smiled back.

Buckbeak struggled to gain altitude to reach the tower, but he made it. Harry, Hermione, and Artemis were glad to get their feet on the ground (more like roof) on the West Tower. Sirius held Buckbeak with care.

"How can I ever thank-," Sirius was cut off all at once.

"GO!" Harry, Hermione, and Artemis shouted and smiled. Sirius bowed his head and wheeled Buckbeak around. He had a very fond smile on his face.

"You really are your father's son," Sirius spoke softly to Harry. Harry almost blushed. And then Sirius shot a prideful look at Artemis.

"And you, young man," Sirius smiled wider, if possible. "I'll be seeing you at home."

Artemis' heart skipped a beat, never having heard that before. His father was coming home at last. Sirius kicked off on Buckbeak and they were off in moments. The three of them watched the two escapees fly away in the distance.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Harry, Hermione, and Artemis turned the corner right as Dumbledore locked the door. He smiled once he saw them.

"So, how'd it go?" He asked positively.

"We did it! Sirius escaped on Buckbeak!" Harry quickly and enthusiastically said. Dumbledore beamed and stood there for a moment.

"I think you three have just left, it'll be safe to go back inside," He said and unlocked the door once again. They entered to the room to find a rather perplexed Ronald Weasley. His face was priceless, stunned by the situation. Madam Pomfrey came back in the room, in a horrible mood. Artemis, Harry, and Hermione smirked to themselves, and Ron was waiting for his chance to ask them what the hell had just happened. He did not get his chance then, because Snape busted in the door, Fudge following him closely.

"HE DIDN'T DISAPPARATE!" Snape roared. "YOU CAN'T APPARATE OR DISAPPARATE INSIDE THIS CASTLE! THIS -- HAS --SOMETHING -- TO -- DO -- WITH -- POTTER!"

"Severus, be reasonable. Harry has been locked up."

Fudge, Snape, and Dumbledore came striding into the ward. Dumbledore

alone looked calm. Indeed, he looked as though he was quite enjoying himself. Fudge appeared angry. But Snape was beside himself.

"OUT WITH IT, POTTER!" he bellowed. "WHAT DID YOU DO?"

Harry was had a very convincing, very stunned look on his face.

"That will do, Severus," said Dumbledore quietly. "Think about what you

are saying. This door has been locked since I left the ward ten minutes ago. Madam Pomfrey, have these students left their beds?"

"Of course not!" said Madam Pomfrey, bristling. "I would have heard them!"

"Well, there you have it, Severus," said Dumbledore calmly. "Unless you are suggesting that Harry, Hermione and Artemis are able to be in two places at once, I'm afraid I don't see any point in troubling them further."

Harry, Hermione, and Artemis all mentally laughed at the irony.

Snape panned around the room with searching eyes. He turned to Dumbledore and straightened himself.

"At times, I can't help but feel that there is some sort of sick game you all are playing behind my back," Snape whipped around and left the hospital wing.

"Fellow seems quite unbalanced," said Fudge, staring after him. "I'd watch out for him if I were you, Dumbledore."

"Oh, he's not unbalanced," said Dumbledore quietly. "He's just suffered a severe disappointment." Artemis couldn't help but laugh at this.

"He's not the only one!" puffed Fudge. "The Daily Prophet's going to have a field day! We had Black cornered and he slipped through our fingers yet again! All it needs now is for the story of that hippogriff's escape to get out, and I'll be a laughingstock!" Fudge shook his head, looking at the floor. There was a light rap on the door, and everyone's attention was drawn to it. There was a man in a light suit, holding a rather posh looking cane in hand. His dark hair was slicked back, and he had a matching fadora.

"Speaking of which, I'm from the Daily Prophet. I was informed that you had captured Sirius Black, but now that he's gone, this will serve for a most interesting story. Do you mind if I interview you two?" The man asked politely. Dumbledore smiled widely at the man.

"Of course, Mr. Snicket! Cornelius, this is the new editor for the Daily Prophet. He's absolutely revolutionary," Dumbledore shook Snicket's hand. Artemis studied the man carefully. It was George's hero, from that paper. Dumbledore patted Lemony on the shoulder and looked back at Fudge.

"And the dementors?" said Dumbledore. "They'll be removed from the school, I trust?"

"Oh yes, they'll have to go," said Fudge, running his fingers distractedly through his hair. "Never dreamed they'd attempt to administer the Kiss on an innocent boy. Completely out of control . . .no, I'll have them packed off back to Azkaban tonight . . . Perhaps we should think about dragons at the school entrance . . ." Mr. Snicket was busily taking notes on a small notepad he had pulled from his pocket. He had a ballpoint pen instead of a quill. Artemis felt like he had seen him somewhere before.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Artemis sat outside, on the ledge of the wall, peering into the Hogwarts gardens. Friends were saying their goodbyes and exchanging gifts. He watched these people, sad to see that the school year had passed. He gripped his bags tightly, wishing this could never end. Artemis hadn't realized it, but Dumbledore stood next to him.

"So, did you find anything here that you liked?" Dumbledore asked a overly simple question. Artemis smiled at him, knowing that he was being ridiculous.

"Would it be at all possible that I could come back next year?" Artemis asked and looked at Dumbledore. Dumbledore smiled at him.

"How could I say no?" He asked warmly and walked off, as if he knew Artemis was wondering this very question. A few moments later, Ron, Hermione, and Harry ran to him, laughing.

"Hey Arty!" Hermione pinched him. Artemis got down from his seat.

"Don't call me that," Artemis retorted. She laughed.

"Are you going to write me this summer?" She asked, seriously. Artemis rolled his eyes.

"No, I'm going to forget about you for the rest of my life," He said sarcastically. She punched him lightly in the shoulder and then threw her arms around him. Ron snickered.

"Hermione loves Artemis!" He muttered loudly. Hermione pulled away and chased after Ron. Harry looked at Artemis.

"If it wouldn't be too much trouble, could I visit Sirius this summer?" Harry asked. Artemis was shocked by the question.

"Of course you can! Just owl me when you want to. I'll fly you out, no cost to you," Artemis smiled. Harry held out his hand. Artemis shook his hand. Ron ran into Harry lightly.

"Hey Harry, it's the Quidditch World Cup this summer? Want to go?" Ron poked Harry.

"Yeah . . . I bet the Dursleys'd be pleased to let me come. Especially

after what I did to Aunt Marge . . ." Artemis titled his head.

"What did you do to Aunt Marge?" He asked, cautiously. Hermione and Ron laughed. "No really! I want to know!"

-.-.-.-.-.-

Artemis' MP3 player started working half way through the trip on the Hogwarts Express. For the sake of mood, he played a rather sad and slow song. "Your Song" by Elton John. Artemis wasn't a big Elton John fan, but something about this song reminded him of himself. He watched out of the window, the British countryside flying by. The sky was a bright, something that Artemis hadn't been accustomed to before he came to Hogwarts. He now enjoyed how the sun reflected off the trees, the grass, and how little puffy clouds hung in the air. Artemis pulled himself from the sight of beauty. He realized now that he had been changed dramatically from coming to Hogwarts.

Artemis sat alone in the room of the Express. He wanted to reflect on what had happened there. He might do a report for Foaly, but then again, he might not. Artemis smiled happily, now that his father would be home. This would either make it easier to work, or harder. Artemis had his ideas again, something to keep him busy during summer break. And of course, he'd return to Hogwarts the following year.

And another thing. Artemis had planned on going straight- as soon as he pulled off the most brilliant criminal feat of his career. Artemis smirked, already knowing what he was going to do. He turned from Elton John to Audioslave and turned it up loud, resting his head on the fabric of his seat. He closed his eyes and smirked.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

_Thank you reviewers for reading this whole thing! I love you all! Watch for A Dreadfully Convenient Crossover and the Goblet of Eternity. The mini story of Sirius and Angeline is going to be updated to this story soon! It's kinda cheesy, but really interesting. I'm not very good with romance. Meh. Again, thank you everyone! Also, for the next story, I'm planning on having reviewer cameos, so if you have a character you want to have in this story, please let me know, either by e-mail or review. I'll get back to you._

_Love._


	9. Epilogue

**A Dreadfully Convenient Crossover and the Prisoner of the Arctic Incident**

By Spectra16 (Who is completely spastic at the fact that she finished this scar tissue-free)

A/N: This is the epilogue. Like I said before, there will be another bonus chapter after this, with nonsense and all of that. This is actually a sneak peak at the next story, which I WILL be writing. I'm going to continue to add that story on this one, but I also will be starting a completely different story for that, starting from the next book. Do any of you understand what I'm saying? Even I'm getting lost. Oh well, it'll make more sense later.

Disclaimer: I don't own Artemis Fowl, Harry Potter, or Lemony Snicket. Booyah. If I did, I'd probably publish this story. True story.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Epilogue

Artemis was busily typing on his laptop, writing his report that Foaly had requested. It was well on 30,000 words by now. Artemis took a sip of lemonade on such a hot day. Artemis massaged his temples, getting rather tired of this. A bleep from Artemis' intercom in his room startled him awake in his thoughts. Artemis pressed down.

"Yes Butler?" Artemis asked tiredly.

"I've apprehended a man, snooping around the grounds," Butler said, quite frighteningly. Artemis winced.

"Have you asked his name?" Artemis asked sardonically. "Perhaps he's of use." Butler paused.

"He says his name is Sirius Black," Butler spoke loudly. Artemis' heart stopped.

"Invite him inside. I wish to speak with him," Artemis had a sudden burst of energy, and ran to the mirror, to see if he looked presentable. His hair was flat, which was good. Artemis ran to the intercom again.

"Butler, give him something to drink," Artemis spoke quickly. Artemis quickly practiced what way to present himself. Such nervous tension was never expected from Artemis, especially when it was his father he was wanting to see.

-.-.-.-.-

Wormtail stood in Voldemort's presence, shaking like mad. He rubbed his hands together, nearly pulling them apart. Bill stood next to Mulch, starring at Voldemort's small, fetus like body. Mulch grimaced at the snake that was sliding about on the floor.

"He's too young," Mulch spoke up, trying to stop Voldemort from wanting this. Voldemort shook his head.

"NO! We must have him. He's a strong wizard, even at age 14. A prodigy, indeed," Voldemort wheezed.

"But he is involved with the Underground. Any strange behavior from him would surely gain immediate attention from LEP," Mulch spoke out. Wormtail starred at Mulch, quite shocked by his attitude. Voldemort titled his head.

"Are you protecting this boy? Don't you realize what a great Death Eater he could become?" Voldemort asked sardonically. Mulch shuddered.

"He's just a boy," Mulch spoke softly. "He's only interesting in gold."

"Then gold we will give him," Voldemort sneered with a smile.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Harry and Artemis looked up at the sky, a green gaze took the shape of a skull with a snake coming out of the mouth, wrapping around like a twisted coil. Harry winced at the pain of his scar, and Artemis felt like he was fading in and out of reality. He watched the Dark Mark form in the sky, and suddenly, his surroundings changed several times. First, he felt the brisk, cold air of Moscow, and saw the palace towers. He flashed from that to a hot desert and then from there, to a busy city, with taxis all about. His body faded in and out of several crowded locations, and one not so crowded place. A faded, dusty house. There stood two men, starring at him and . . . A dwarf that looked stunningly like Mulch. He flashed from there back to the panicked camping grounds where they had been staying. Fire engulfed the area, setting tents on fire. Artemis gasped for air, wondering what that had been all about.

Harry was kneeling on the ground, holding his forehead, and looking past Artemis. Artemis turned around to see a man standing there, with his wand pointed at the Dark Mark. Surely, he had been the one who conjured it. He lowered his wand and looked into Artemis' eyes. He had been one of the men that he had seen in that vision. He remembered the face of the other man . . . Peter.

"STOP!" Harry shouted, but the man ran off. Artemis starred, dazed by what had just happened.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Lemony leaned on his cane, looking at the charred camping grounds. This was the work of Olaf's buddies, definitely. Death Eaters had been spotted setting the place on fire and causing havok the night before. Thin whisps of smoke rose up from the wreckage, and Lemony shook his head. Cornelius Fudge spoke up.

"I expect the Daily Prophet will be making a great deal out of this," Fudge assumed. Lemony nodded.

"This must connect in some way," Lemony whispered to himself.

"Pardon?" Fudge asked. Lemony shook his hand.

"Nevermind. Were there any witnesses to the Dark Mark?" Lemony asked. Fudge sighed.

"Two Hogwarts students. Harry Potter and Artemis Fowl," Fudge replied. Lemony pressed his lips together.

"I expected so."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Harry, be careful. Whoever entered your name in the cup must want you dead. Tread with extreme caution," Sirius' face spoke in the embers of the fire. Harry nodded hastily. Sirius' panicked.

"I have to go! Someone's coming," Sirius hastily disappeared. Ron scrunched his eyebrows.

"I wonder where he could be communicating from," Ron whispered, also hearing Neville coming down the stairs to the common room.

Sirius pulled himself from the ash ridden fireplace. He guiltily looked into the face of Angeline Fowl.

"Tem? What are you doing?" She playfully asked. Sirius smiled halfheartedly. Surely, Angeline's temporary insanity was coming in handy to evade her questions.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

A/N: I'd like to personally thank all of my reviewers now! I love you all!

dollarbanks: Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed this story!

green-loveheart: Wow. What a hefty review! Thanks! I'm especially proud of my story. Not to sound too gaudy though.

angelfaerie: Ha. I never would've noticed I spelled "convenient" wrong if you hadn't have told me. Thank you! I'm glad these are you favorite stories in one! They're my favorites too!

skittish: I'm so glad you think this is good!

butterflywing: I'm glad you think this is good too! I think it could use some work, but for the most part, I agree.

jenn120: Interesting? You think so? Well. . . thanks.

TBC: Love your review.

Acrolyte: Artemis' telepathy and strange powers are explained in the next story. It won't come as a surprise, but it sure is cool. I like the fact that the fairy steriods are something that Artemis can over use and not use at all. It makes him more human.

Weirdo Gal: This crossover is going to make even MORE sense in the next story! Woot!

Saico: I totally agree. This fic does have some bumps. The biggest one is the Artemis/Malfoy thing though. Luckily. But this will be more understandable later. Be patient. Don't panic. Always bring a towel.

Harbringer Lady: Thank you! Tell me the names of the other crossovers that are good. I've been scouting them out recently. I've found a few that I liked, but nothing totally phenomonal. Serious crossovers are hard.

And everyone else that I missed, thank you!


	10. Partners: My Heart Is Black

**A Dreadfully Convenient Crossover: "Partners In Every Sense of the Word"**

By Spectra16

WARNING: Do not read this story unless you've read "A Dreadfully Convenient Crossover and the Prisoner of the Arctic Incident"! This story will totally spoil that story for you. But if you don't care, read on. I will explain. If not, turn back NOW and go read Prisoner of the Arctic Incident, which is a Harry Potter/Artemis Fowl/Lemony Snicket crossover fiction. If you haven't read one or two of these books, don't worry. I explain what has happened previously pretty well. So yeah.

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Basically, to recap what happened in Prisoner of the Arctic Incident was that Artemis discovers the whereabouts of his missing father was due to the fact that his father (Sirius Black) was hiding in Azkaban from Voldemort. This story is about the love affair of Angeline (Malfoy) and Sirius (Black). I'm not sure if I'll put sex in it or not. Dress accordingly. Anyways, enjoy.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Chapter One: My Heart Is Black

"You got a letter from your mother?" Remus asked, rather shocked. The last time Sirius had received anything from a relative was his howler from his first year at Hogwarts, in which his parents yelled at him for becoming a Gryffindor. Sirius tried to hide his shaking, and did a good job of it. James leaned over Sirius' neck and read the letter aloud.

_To Sirius Black,_

_Cordially, the Black family invites you to the marriage of Bellatrix Black and Rudolphus Lestrange's wedding, which will take place on April 30th. The affair will take place in a natural setting, and your attendance is expected. Invite friends to attend with you. This is to be a respectable pureblood wedding ceremony. Please send an owl reply once you have received this invitation to confirm or deny this happy matrimony. _

_Yours truly,_

_Bellatrix and Rudolphus Lestrange_

Sirius blanched. The invitation seemed rather inappropriate, considering he hadn't spoke to Bellatrix in a few years. Black secretly knew what this was about. Remus patted his hand on Sirius' shoulder.

"Are you going? April 30th is almost a week away," Remus smiled. Sirius tossed the letter away. James looked at the letter again, studying it.

"Absolutely not. They probably forgot that I was banished from the Black family," Sirius snickered. Remus seemed a little disappointed that Sirius had rejected a friendly gesture from his own family. James said nothing yet, so Remus took it upon himself to speak.

"Are you even going to reply?" Remus asked. Sirius shook his head.

"Fuck the Black family. I'm going to change my name as soon as I get the chance. A bunch of bloody pureblood obsessed-"

"Sirius, please," James scolded nonchalantly. Sirius didn't speak another word for a while.

"It says bring friends. We'll come for moral support! It'll be fun! We'll cause lots of trouble. Get drunk. Come on, Sirius!" James spoke up and nudged Sirius on the shoulder. Remus put his face into Sirius' view and pouted. Sirius raised an eyebrow.

"Don't you care that maybe I'd rather not face the very people who despise me, not to mention that they are my family!" Sirius pushed Remus away. James smiled diabolically.

"Won't your parents go mad once they see us flying in on your motorcycle, acting all cool, setting off stink bombs," James looked up into the ceiling, appearing to be imagining this. Sirius couldn't help but smile.

"I don't want to see Bellatrix," Sirius said sternly, regaining his composure. Remus titled his head.

"Why?" He asked. Sirius looked up at him from his seat at the Potter's table. Remus was standing above him, but it didn't make him seem more intimidating in the least. Sirius grunted.

"She's my cousin. The whore . . . She used to be very flirty with me. I'm very sure she sent the invitation to me because she wants me to feel jealous. I couldn't care less, of course," Black took a deep breath. James was liking how perfectly this was fitting.

"Well, if you show up, get drunk, and make an ass out of yourself, I'm sure that would piss her off pretty well," James laughed quietly. Remus tugged on Sirius' sleeve. Sirius had already seemed to give in, and was now smiling at Remus.

"Alright, let's go. Just the three of us."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Lupin's dress robes were quite baggy, considering they belonged to Sirius. He held on tightly to Sirius' chest as the world whizzed by them. Lupin had never been any good with a broom, so a motorcycle would be no difference. The wind blew fiercely, and Lupin' stomach lurched. He had tried not to look down, but his curiosity forced him to look down. James rode on his broom, next to Sirius' black motorcycle. The sky was still dark, lit by the cursed moon that taunted Remus. Lupin's death grip made Sirius chuckle inside.

"Remus, just let go. You won't fall. And in the rare instance that you would, James would be able to catch you!" Sirius joked. Remus' grip lightened, but he still held onto Sirius' jacket as if it were slipping memories. James seemed less attentive to where he was going, and more attentive to the night sky. Sirius looked over at James' starry gaze.

"I should warn you, James. Bellatrix is a floosy. Avoid making eye contact with her. I wouldn't put it past Rudolphus to get jealous of you and put up a fight," Sirius spoke in an undertone. Remus perked up.

"Why aren't you warning me?" Remus asked, seeming to be insulted. Sirius rolled his eyes.

"When's the last time you were fancied?" Sirius asked, knowing that James seemed to attract much more attention than Remus. Remus paused for a moment to think.

"Lily did, back in fifth year!" Remus spoke up. James sighed.

"She found you to be the most mature out of our group! She didn't fancy you, Moony!" James eyed his own wedding ring and fiddled with it. Sirius smiled slyly.

"She fancied me, of course! Who didn't?" Sirius asked rhetorically. Remus carefully removed one hand from Sirius' side and rose it in the air.

"I didn't," Remus said obviously. James broke out into a silly laugh. Sirius glared at James.

"I think we all know who won Lily in the end. And we all know who got to be the best man!" Sirius nudged Lupin in the side. Remus rubbed his gut.

"Yeah, James! What's the deal? Why wasn't I the best man?" Remus complained, having been through this before.

"Sirius and I have been comrades since forever! You didn't see Wormtail getting to be the ring bearer!" James retorted.

"Still," Remus meekly remarked. "Speaking of Wormtail, I think I missed the part where you explain to me where he is." Sirius bit his lip.

"Said he had some family stuff to tend to. That might just be for the better. He certainly is getting too brainy," Sirius muttered. James pointed down to a small winding road below them.

"Is that the road we have to follow?" James interrupted.

"No," Sirius shortly replied. "Woah, shit. Is there a full moon soon?" Sirius looked up at a nearly circular moon. Remus shook his head.

"Nope. Not for another few days," Remus replied sadly. There was a long, lonely silence for the time being. Remus was starting to get used to the high speed now, and was feeling much less nauseous. Sirius could tell, since Lupin' grip on his clothes had lessened.

In the distance was a large, dark mansion on a hill, the spires reaching up to the black sky. James squinted to see if better, the cool air hitting his face.

"That's it," Sirius spoke darkly. Remus lifted his head from resting on Sirius' back. He perked up to see the manor, disliking the sight right away. Lupin looked down below them, seeing the tops of trees go by at an alarming rate. He had forgotten not to look down, but he wasn't THAT afraid anymore. He squeezed Sirius' back closely.

"Now I know why you left," Remus spoke softly. Sirius nodded.

-.-.-.-.-.-

James and Sirius touched the ground for the first time in more than an hour. Sirius swung his leg over the seat and Remus conservatively slid off. James waited for Sirius to lead the way to his old home, but honestly, Sirius didn't want to go in. The sole purpose of pissing off his family was the only thing keeping him going. James and Sirius strode up the stairway, leaving Remus to stumble. Sirius cleared his throat and dramatically pressed the doorbell several times. James silently laughed, hearing someone screaming in a bloody rage within the mansion. Remus had a certain meagerness about him as of now. He ran his finger down one of his scars on his face, out of habit. A few moments later, the door swung open to reveal a rather handsome looking man, although not related to the Blacks, yet.

"Rudolphus Lestrange, I presume?" Sirius gave a small, courteous bow to him. Rudolphus looked rather snobbish at the three standing in the doorway. A shrill of excitement was heard and footsteps. Bellatrix ran in front of her fiance and smiled widely at Sirius. Her hair was curled and quite long now, different from before. But this was not the most attracting thing in the situation. Bellatrix hadn't bothered to dress, obviously. She was still in a tiny black slip, beaming at Sirius.

"I wasn't sure if you'd come! Come in! Come in!" Bellatrix grabbed her cousin by the hand and dragged him past Rudolphus. He turned around and followed with quickened steps. James looked up at the doorway and back at Remus.

"Welcome home Sirius," James spoke sardonically. Remus and James stepped inside simultaneously and grinned like the marauders that they were.


	11. Partners: Undesirable

**A Dreadfully Convenient Crossover: "Partners In Every Sense of the Word"**

By Spectra16

A/N: I hope you enjoyed this story so far! It gets better, don't worry. I feel so insecure.

This series "A Dreadfully Convenient Crossover" is the first time I've had to postpone chapters because I've been writing them faster than I want them to be posted. Crazy. I never thought that would be me. In fact, as we speak, and as I write, I haven't even posted the whole A Dreadfully Convenient Crossover and the Prisoner of the Arctic Incident yet! I'm still on chapter 5!

WARNING: This story is rated T for a reason. There's language, sexuality, violence, alcohol abuse, etc. I know I can't stop you, but if you're a 12 year old cheating the system, please knock it off or I will send killer flamingos after you.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Marauders! Meh.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Chapter Two: Undesirable

"My god, Bellatrix! Get some damn clothes on!" Sirius shouted from his old bedroom. Remus, who was across the hall, snickered to himself. After a few moments of strange shuffling, a door slammed and Sirius burst into Lupin's room. He pointed his thin wand at the door handle.

"Addon Alohomora!" Sirius shouted and Bellatrix pounded on the door.

"Let me in Sirius!" She shouted playfully. Sirius put his hands down.

"Shut up or I'll hex you!" Sirius threatened. Remus sat up in his bed, smiling widely, finding this all to be amusing.

"What? You'll sex me?" She shouted over the door. Remus broke out into laughter, and Sirius slapped his forehead. Sirius turned around to glare at a blushing Lupin.

"I'm sure Rudolphus would like to! NOW LEAVE!" Sirius shouted, and Bellatrix must've left, because she didn't speak another word. Sirius shook his head and sat on Lupin's bed.

"I'm so sorry, Sirius. I don't mean to laugh but . . . Your cousin is quite entertaining," Remus hid his smile. Sirius didn't seem to mind that Remus was taking this so lightly.

"She's disgusting," Sirius spat. Remus folded his hands on his lap. There was a short silence, and Remus hoped he would not speak when he would ask this next question.

"Have you ever loved someone?" Remus asked inquisitively. Sirius looked up at him carefully.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked, curiously. Remus shrugged.

"Well, James found his soul mate. You've had girls up the arse since third year, why don't you have a girlfriend at least?" Remus felt uncomfortable asking this, but it was near Sirius' awkward feeling of being asked this.

"Guess I haven't found her yet," Sirius' eyes were wide, wondering what had gotten into Remus. Remus looked away and fiddled with his bed sheets. Sirius didn't feel like asking this question, but it did make him think.

"Are you in love with someone? You seem distant," Sirius asked. Remus smiled hazily. His eyelids seemed to droop.

"I am. But I'd never tell that person how I feel. With a face like mine, how could anyone ever except me?" Remus replied sadly. Sirius snorted.

"Well, look at my parents! They were the ugliest people since anyone, and they got married!" Sirius laughed. Remus attempted to smile.

"Thanks for taking me seriously, Sirius," Remus plopped back into bed and covered his head with the blanket. Sirius stood up and waited.

"Where's James?" He asked quickly. Remus groaned.

"He's running around with his Invisibility Cloak. 'Said he was looking for naked baby pictures of you," Remus joked. Sirius jumped on him and pulled off the white blankets and pointed his wand at Remus.

"I'll put a rather nasty hex on you! Where is he?" Sirius joked playfully. Remus raised his arms, like in a shoot out.

"Check the loo. Probably talking to himself in the mirror. Caught him once, all like, 'Hello Lily! You look especially pretty today. No, I mean it! Stop looking at me like you wanna take a tumble! Gosh, Lily! You have nice breasts.' I know better than that, though Sirius. James has never seen a boob in his life," Remus laughed and Sirius snorted. He jumped off the bed and twirled his wand in one hand.

"I'm gonna go look for him. Wouldn't want him to find those naked baby pictures," Sirius grunted. Remus jumped out of bed with the blanket covering him.

"I'm coming too," Remus replied. "Wouldn't want to miss _that_."

-.-.-.-.-.-

Sirius and Remus peeked around the corner into the main living room in the Black mansion. The room was still, and dark. Remus pulled out his lit wand and looked into the room.

"James?" He asked quietly. Sirius strode into the room, but not without tripping on some quite child-like. Sirius swore and looked around to see what he had tripped on. It was Kreatcher, the house elf.

"Damn, stupid house elf! Go!" Sirius pointed to the door in which he came. Kreatcher scurried away, probably to speak with Mrs. Black's painting. Sirius turned around in the room. Remus was especially frightened by the sight. It was dark and eerie in the manor. Remus stuck close to Sirius, who apparently knew his way around the room quite well. Sirius stepped lightly, but he forgot to mention the creaky floors to Remus, who was making enough noise to wake up people in a three mile radius. A particularly loud squeak caused someone in the room to snort awake and started yelling.

"SIRIUS? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE!" His mother's portrait screamed at him. He covered his ears for a few moments while she cussed and shouted rather mean remarks to him. Lupin seemed to be showing a quite frightful face. Sirius rolled his eyes.

"I came for Bella's wedding," Sirius answered shortly, sarcastically. Remus saw a side of Sirius that he had only used with the teachers he didn't like back at Hogwarts.

"Get out! I've disowned you, remember? Get out of the Black manor!" Her flat face started turning red. Sirius crossed his arms in a very sassy way.

"I suppose you think banishing me from the family really hurts, doesn't it?" Sirius snickered. She seemed to get redder.

"GET THE HELL OUT!" She screamed. Sirius' nose twitched.

"Sod off," Sirius stormed out of the room and into the next room, and tumbled over something in the way. Remus had seen the whole thing, and now saw James on the floor with his Invisibility Cloak covering only his feet. Sirius turned around to see what he had tripped on, thinking it was Kreatcher again.

"There you are, James! We were looking for you," Sirius stood up and brushed dust off of himself. James also stood, rolling up the Cloak. Remus scratched the back of his head. James sniffled.

"We should probably get back to bed now," Remus said quietly. Sirius nodded. James looked up at Sirius with a most serious look.

"This place just screams purebloods. I understand why you left," James seemed sorry for not understanding.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The Lestrange wedding day was a quite horrifying day. The sky was a dreadful gray, cloudy scene. The wind cooled everything down, and Sirius was now glad that Remus and him had worn warmer suits. James, on the other hand, was quite cold and hadn't brought a coat. Sirius walked through the isle, tidy lines of oak chairs on each side. The air smelled like rain and flowers, roses had been strung in lines everywhere. Black and red. Sirius' hair was pulled back in a pony tail to prevent it from flying in his face on a windy day like the one present. He walked over to a covered tent, the food was being set by the members of the Lestrange family, and the one of the last remaining members of the Black family, Narcissa and Regulus. Sirius walked up to Narcissa, wondering what she'd say. She looked up from setting the silver forks and spoons down on the white cloth. Her eyes were a stunning icy blue. She seemed shocked by his presence. Her hair lightly floated in the wind. Sirius had always admired her hair. It was a creamy blonde. She stood up straight and put her hands at her sides.

"Sirius," She greeted. Sirius nodded. Regulus looked up at the name.

"Narcissa," He replied. Regulus came into Sirius' view, and he smiled widely.

"Sirius! What a surprise!" Regulus seemed relatively happy that Sirius had come. But Sirius was no where are interested in his brother. Sirius ignored him for the moment.

"How are you?" He asked Narcissa. She nodded and brushed a piece of her hair behind her ear.

"I'm very well. I'm . . . getting married also," She smiled and looked up at Sirius. Sirius forced a smile.

"To whom?" Sirius asked. Regulus was not taking this treatment well.

"Lucius Malfoy. Oh, he's a treat! You'll be able to meet him! He's coming with some of his family to this. We're going to announce our engagement soon," Narcissa beamed. Regulus spoke up.

"How are you, Sirius? I haven't talk to you in-," Regulus was cut off by Sirius.

"Years, Regulus, years. And there's a reason for it too. I don't want any part of your or your damn Death Eaters club! Alright? I'm NOT interested. So please stop trying to be my buddy when it is clear what you true intentions are," Sirius exploded, waving a pointed finger in Regulus' face. Regulus was shocked by this outburst and Narcissa looked mortally worried. Regulus tugged on his collar and cleared his throat.

"Excuse me," Regulus walked to the back door that led to the servant's kitchen. Narcissa seemed rather reclusive now. Sirius looked back at her.

"I'm sorry. I just can't deal with him anymore, Ciss," Black looked down at the grass. Narcissa rubbed her forehead.

"He's not exactly my favorite cousin, but he did introduce me to Lucius," Narcissa spoke sadly. Sirius winced. _Oh no. He's probably a Death Eater too._ Sirius looked at Narcissa with a sympathetic look. She quickly hugged him.

"Thank you, Sirius," Narcissa quickly pulled away, to prevent an awkwardness about the hug. "You were to brave when you ran away. I thought about running away too, but I was too afraid. I respect you for it. I only wish I had come with you."

"You can still run away," Sirius brought up a valid point. Narcissa shook her head.

"I already have. Lucius and I are going to be together forever. I'm never coming back to the Blacks. It's going to be Narcissa Malfoy from now on," Narcissa smiled widely.


	12. Odd Ones Out

**A Dreadfully Convenient Crossover: "Partners In Every Sense of the Word"**

By Spectra16 (Fishermen Don't Live in the Real World)

A/N: Anyone still reading? Just wondering. Gimme a buzz and tell me what you think of this series. I'll take any sort of criticism. Even give me ideas! I like ideas. . . Just like how I like reviewers! Woo. I'm desperate. Someone please end my misery by just reporting me for some heinous rule breakage. Like, I wrote a story that is a tri-crossover. That should be illegal. Or, report me for skipping school in order to work on this. That might get something. Fido hates me, and I can accept that. You should read some of my stuff from when I was 13. It's insane. Strictly for ADD patients only! I'm pretty sure I was on crack when I wrote that stuff. I don't have the balls to take it off of my account though.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and Artemis Fowl. I won't have Lemony Snicket show up in this one, unless I find a reason for him. Pretty sure if he does come in, he'll have something less than a cameo appearance. Sorry Snicket fans. (Peace to my VFDers out there! Love ya'll!)

-.-.-.-.-.-

Chapter Three: Odd Ones Out

Sirius, Remus, and James got quite a few dirty looks as they sat down in the back of the set of chairs that were pointed at the trellis. Bellatrix hair was pinned up in a beautiful mass of black. Rudolphus looked equally dashing, but the sight was spoiled by the constant whisperings of James to Sirius. Remus felt a little embarrassed by the two of them, even though he didn't know any of these people. He had no reputation to keep up, but he still felt intrusive. Remus watched the starry gaze of Bellatrix and Rudolphus. Lupin watched them in envy. He had wished to be married someday, but his circumstance wouldn't allow it. There wasn't a woman in the world that would care to share a bed with a werewolf. Remus sighed heavily.

"And do you, Rudolphus Lestrange take Bellatrix Black as your wife?" The wedding wizard asked. James snickered.

"I know I do!" James laughed. Sirius jabbed him in the ribs.

"My God, my family is going to hate me forever," Sirius smiled. James furrowed his eyebrows.

"I thought they already did," James smirked. Sirius nodded solemnly.

After a few more moments, James decided to cough loudly, and fakely at that. Sirius quietly burst into a fit of laughter. Remus looked at his friends distastefully.

"You may kiss the bride."

"Ew!" James made a high pitched noise. Sirius was near tears still. Remus looked over at the first person who had clapped. It was a long haired, blonde man, of which he had seen before. He had strikingly handsome features, but Remus couldn't have hated him more. He shuddered and tugged on Sirius' sleeve.

"Can we please go now?" Remus asked. Sirius looked at him puzzled.

"But we haven't even gotten drunk yet!" James burst out, yet holding a bottle of champagne that was half empty. Everyone in the small audience stood and started to mingle with each other. Remus' bangs fell on his face.

"See that man behind me? Long hair? He works for the Ministry. Tried to send me to a rehabilitation center for werewolves," Remus spoke sadly. Sirius looked at him closer, realizing that he must have been Lucius, because he was standing awfully close next to his sister. Sirius looked back into Lupin's terrified eyes. He put his hands on Lupin's shoulders.

"We'll leave as soon as I talk to Narcissa again. Just, go sit in the guest room for now, with James. James, stay with him. Make sure he isn't seen by that man," Sirius stood up hastily and pushed through family members to get to his cousin. He caught a few familiar, old faces in the crowd, but didn't stop to speak with them. He finally reached Narcissa and put his hand on her shoulder. She spun around and smiled.

"Hey Sirius! This is Lucius, my fiance," Narcissa grabbed Lucius' arm. Sirius looked up at the tall man. He nodded.

"Yeah, can I speak with you alone?" Sirius spoke hastily. Narcissa shook her head.

"Why?"

"It's important. I have to leave quickly," Sirius grabbed Narcissa's hand and looked up at another woman that stood next to Lucius, with hair that matched his. She looked up at Sirius with a curious look. Sirius felt like melting. She was fantastic, beautiful. He took in a sharp breath.

"Why do you have to leave so quickly?" Narcissa asked. Sirius starred at the woman, wide eyed.

"What?" Sirius asked, not having heard what Narcissa said.

"Why do you have to leave!" Narcissa asked. Sirius looked at her.

"Did I say that? A emergency, but . . . I could stay for a bit," Sirius looked back at the woman. Lucius spoke up.

"Narcissa, let's speak with your sister before she gets too carried away," Lucius suggested, as Bellatrix had already hit the bar. Narcissa smiled at him and took his arm. The woman that was with them starred at Sirius and his strange behavior. Sirius wasted no time dropping to one knee and took her hand.

"Hello, miss," He kissed her hand. The woman seemed shocked and rather appalled by this.

"Excuse me?" She asked curiously, wondering if she had heard right. Sirius released her hand.

"My name is Sirius Black, miss," After all of the years and all of the pick up lines of high school, words seemed to fail Sirius, all seemed cliché (just like this scenario here).

"I'm Angeline Malfoy. Can I . . . Help you?" Angeline had a look of curiosity. Sirius wondered what about him wasn't sweeping her off of her feet.

"Would you care for a ride with me on my motorcycle?" Sirius felt like kicking himself in the stomach. _What's wrong with me? I don't even know this woman!_

"I don't care much for pureblood lineage," She blurted, as if this had happened before. She had been expecting a certain disappointment from a Black, but she got the contrary. Sirius' eyes widened and he smiled.

"Well, lucky for you and I, both, I don't care much for it either," Sirius stood up, his eyes not leaving hers. Sirius never relented in smiling, so Angeline smiled back.

"Angeline!" Lucius called from a few yards away. She jerked to look at him, and her smiled faded.

"It was nice meeting you," Angeline strode to her brother and Sirius just watched her, shocked that she hadn't bothered to care. Sirius was not used to this kind of treatment with women. Usually they fawned over him, stalked him, if you will. But Angeline just seemed to brush him off. And for some reason, this was more arousing than the attention. So Sirius ran after her.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Remus hid his shivers under the loose robes that belonged to Sirius. James leaned on the motorcycle, arms crossed. Occasionally, he'd tap his foot impatiently. Remus felt sick to his stomach, not sure if it was from seeing Lucius or from the moon. Remus crossed his arms and held his shoulders close to himself. James was especially worried about Remus now, since he had attended the hearings with the Ministry of Magic, since Remus turned 17 and had to sign confidentiality and license papers. Lucius had made him out to be a threat, but in a way, it was true. Remus didn't have the Shrieking Shack to protect himself and others anymore. If he was to bite someone, he surely would be put in and institution.

"Where the hell is Sirius? It's been almost an hour already. Shouldn't take him this long to talk to Narcissa," James spat. Remus felt more and more uncomfortable as the minutes passed. James looked around and stood there for a few more minutes. Remus sniffled, and James looked over at him. Timid tears ran down his face, although it was clear than Remus was trying to hide behind his hair. James stood up straight.

"I'm going to tell Sirius that I'm taking you home. He can stay at this hell hole for as long as he desires. But we can't wait any more. Just stay here," James set his broom next to Remus and jogged back into the manor. Remus watched him and wiped the tears away with his sleeve.

James hurried through the house, around people who were drinking and talking. It was almost as if a dark magic loomed throughout the air. James felt most uncomfortable with all of these people about. It wasn't hard to spot Lucius in the groups of people. He was talking the loudest, and was one of the few with golden blonde hair. James tried not to be seen, and finally reached a long dark hallway that had many doors on the side. Sirius was most likely speaking with Narcissa in private.

On a hunch, James twisted the brass doorknob. It felt locked as he squeezed it. From inside the room, Sirius, quite frightened, leapt up and was only feet away from the door as the person on the other said shouted, "Alohomora!" Sirius pushed it closed just as it opened an inch.

"Who is it?" Sirius shouted over the thick wood. James pounded on the door.

"It's James! Is that you, Sirius?" James pounded again. Sirius swore under his breath and opened the door, no more than the width of his shoulders. James looked at him with a rather strange expression.

"What are you doing? Moony is really getting freaked out. We have to go NOW!" James was near shouting. Sirius looked back at Angeline, whom had sat upright on the bed, glad that it wasn't her brother. Sirius looked back at James.

"Take him back. I need to stay here a little while longer," Sirius spoke softly. James' eyes widened.

"Why the hell would you want to stay here! You said yourself that you wanted to leave!" James pried. Sirius ran his fingers through his hair, which he had taken out of the pony tail. James was no idiot to this situation. Sirius' collar had been untucked and he smelled faintly of lilacs. James stood on his tiptoes to see into the room, but Sirius stood in front of him.

"I think I'm in love," Sirius admitted. He'd have to tell James sooner or later. James' nose twitched.

"With Narcissa?" he asked, disgusted.

"No! Are you bloody insane? With Angeline Malfoy!" Sirius smiled, yet kept whispering. James looked mortified.

"Lucius' sister! The Malfoy family is one big pureblood fest! How could you fall in love with one of them!" James hissed. Sirius hadn't noticed that Angeline came up behind him. She ripped the door from Sirius' hold and starred at James, having heard everything.

"Don't you DARE associate me with those . . . Cretins! You have no idea of what I've been through!" Angeline glared at James. James seemed pleasantly shocked by this outburst. James looked up at Sirius. A smile slowly formed on his face.

"Well . . . You have my blessing," James smiled at Sirius rather comically.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Remus' nervous tension controlled the death grip he now had on James, more afraid of being on a broom than being on an enchanted motorcycle. At least there was a sturdy seat on a motorcycle. When the sick feeling in Lupin's stomach died down, he spoke to James.

"So why did Sirius hang back?" Remus asked quickly. James debated with himself for a few moments, wondering if he should tell him, or if he should leave it to Sirius to tell Remus.

"Sirius will tell you when he wants to. It's not my place to say anything. Want to go to Hogsmeade before we head home? Get a Butterbeer?" James quickly changed the subject. He could feel Remus nodding, and turned his broom in the direction of the magical town. The cool wind chilled Remus to the bone, but James was immune to the feeling. The adrenaline of flying kept him warm. After a few minutes of silence, James shifted.

"Please, stop thinking about it, Remus. You won't have to see that man again," James spoke harshly. Remus looked up at the green, flowing trees. His eyebrows furrowed.

"You don't know that, Prongs," Remus bellowed. "Lucius Malfoy is more than likely a Death Eater. If I am to become an Auror, then I will definitely be seeing him again." James turned around and smiled at him.

"What a horrible twist of fate for him . . . Being put to jail by the same man he tried to put away," James almost laughed at the irony. Remus smiled slightly. If fate were to give him that chance, he would most certainly snatch it. Remus' hold lightened. James smiled happily.

-.-.-.-.-

James slammed his pint of ale down on the counter. Remus lightly sipped his butterbeer down with a tiny clink. James slouched over the counter.

"This would've tasted better if we didn't have to pay for it," James joked. Remus smiled.

"True story," he stated. Loud voices in the bar almost drown out Remus' mouse like voice.

"When did you tell Lily that you would be back?" Remus asked curiously. James wore a bored expression.

"I expected we'd be much later than 11, but apparently not. We could go to Three Broomsticks before we leave," James spoke nonchalantly. Remus sighed quietly.

"No. I want to go home. I need to . . . Prepare for tomorrow."

-.-.-.-.-.-

Angeline sat behind Sirius on his black motorcycle. Sirius handed her a helmet, one which he didn't usually use himself. He reserved it for passengers, usually Remus. Of course, a helmet wouldn't do much good if you fell a mile out of the sky. But occasionally, Sirius liked to drive on the roads, hear the engine roar. Angeline inspected the strange object. Sirius looked behind him and chuckled.

"I suppose you don't know what this is," Sirius figured, since her whole family was anti-Muggle. Angeline looked up at him, scooting her body closer to Sirius'.

"Of course I know what this is! It's a rather useful muggle safety device that protects the most vital part of any being, the brain. Seriously, Sirius Black, you need to take me more seriously," Angeline smirked at him. Sirius turned the keys on motor bike. The engine hissed as it started and began rumbling. Sirius also smirked as he turned the bike towards the wedding reception.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Lucius had just walked outside with Narcissa, looking for Angeline. He strode proudly up to Bellatrix and her new husband. His face looked quite worried, yet composed.

"Have you seen my sister, Angeline? I think he walked off with your cousin, Sirius Black," Lucius spoke quietly. Bellatrix looked around, not seeing him anywhere.

"Well, you know my cousin," She started, "He's definitely a trouble maker." Rudolphus lightly put his hand on his new bride's back. A crackling noise was heard from a short distance away. Lucius looked up into the sky, thinking maybe someone was apparating. Could that be? Someone apparating here? He looked to the left of him and saw a strange moving object coming right at him. He quickly realized Sirius was on it, and his sister was holding onto him. Lucius suddenly felt outraged, the two disgraces of their pureblood, respectable families were together. Sirius pulled up right in front of Lucius, the wheels of the motorcycle ripped the clean, green grass below them. Lucius looked at Angeline questioningly.

"Lucius, I've decided that my meaningless existence in this family has been lived long enough. I'm going to elope with Sirius Black, and assume his name. I will probably never see you or any of my family members ever again," Angeline flashed a smile at him, after ending her blunt confession. Lucius' jaw dropped and he wasn't the only one.

Sirius pressed down on the gas and shot mud up at Lucius' expensive suit. Bellatrix's dress had the least of the damage, but she reacted more much drastically than Lucius did. They drove away for while, but then decided that flying was a much more dramatic exit. Sirius and Angeline laughed at the havok they had just caused. This ended much better than Sirius had anticipated.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

A/N: Wow! If that doesn't just scream cheesy! I apologize for the hokey-ness of this chapter. This is not the climax of the story (thank Merlin). Still got two more short chapters to go. Woot. Don't worry, this story gets better. I wish there was some way to make this chapter suck less. But I've attempted to change it at least five times, and I can't find any way to make it less painful.

I thank all of my reviewers that have lasted this long. Hehe. As a gift, I've been scowering the live journal community for the best icons, and I will gladly give all of you the best if you request it (and give me an e-mail address if you're anonymous). That's the best I can do, unless you guys have a better idea. PEACE!


	13. Partners: Until Morning Then

**A Dreadfully Convenient Crossover: "Partners In Every Sense of the Word"**

By Spectra16

A/N: Oh man! I'm so depressed! I've seen so many AF/HP crossovers with hundreds of reviews! Seasonal depression ya'll. I watched Mystic River and it reminded me of James, Sirius, and Lupin sorta. Just mildly though. Yeah. So anyways.

I've decided to admit the fact that this will not be a very big story. I just want to get one point across, Sirius is not as innocent as Rowling makes him seem. Schemes, MUHAHAHA! I'm excited for a certain scene, but I'm still trying to figure out how it's going to happen. No matter. Meh. Stay tuned!

"I wanna love somebody,

Just want to love somebody right now.

There's just no pleasing me.

Lady, lay your love on me.

It'll come in your sweet time.

I just gotta let you in.

The blind leading the blind,

Getting underneath your skin.

I can feel you in the silence,

It'll never ever be.

Love, only love can set you free."

--"Love Somebody" by Robbie Williams

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Chapter Four: Until Morning Then

Sirius felt more relaxed than he ever had before. The wind blew his hair back, past his face painfully. Angeline held on, squeezing him once in a while. He judgment had been seriously tested today. It had been such a spur of the moment choice. Angeline had always fantasized about leaving her despicable family in a dramatic way with the man of her dreams. It was a silly dream, but ironically, it came true. Angeline smiled secretly and played with fingers against Sirius' ribs.

"Where do you want to go?" Sirius broke from his dream-like state. Angeline put her chin on his shoulder.

"Surprise me," Angeline replied. Sirius reared up on his motor bike and levitated above the paved road they had been on for a half an hour. Sirius didn't pay any mind to where James and Remus would've gone, his mind was racing at the thought of Angeline. This is incredible, Sirius thought. How ironic it had been that Remus just asked if he felt in love.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Sirius opened the door to his apartment, which was dark and cold. He flicked his wand a little to artificially light up the kitchen and the living room. Sirius' heart skipped when he heard a man groan from the couch. Angeline slowly looked around, at the walls and the floors. Several pleasant moving photographs were about. Many of them were of three men with Sirius, and some with only two men with Sirius and another woman. Angeline wondered if that had been a past girlfriend of Sirius'. She ran her fingers along the marble countertops. She spotted Sirius talking to someone who was apparently sleeping on the couch.

"You're drunk, Remus. Go back to bed," Sirius muttered. Remus sprang up from the couch and stumbled onto his feet.

"Not drunk! You! You're not drunk," Remus retorted. Sirius held onto Remus' flailing arms.

"Stop it!" Sirius stopped, seeing that Lupin looked ill, more so than before. It could've been dehydration. But it also could've been something else. Sirius lifted Remus' hair out of his eyes and looked into them.

"Remus, are you sure there wasn't a full moon tonight? Is there one tomorrow? You look horrible!" Sirius spoke quietly, knowing that Angeline was only in the other room. Remus threw Sirius' grip away.

"NOT DRUNK! You don't listen! Goodnight," Remus pushed Sirius. Sirius sighed and shuffled to Angeline. She looked up at him with crystal blue eyes and smiled.

"Who's that?" Angeline asked softly. Sirius pointed at one of the pictures of the wall.

"Remus Lupin. He's sick tonight. We usually board together, so I hope you don't mind him. We could probably go somewhere else, if you wanted," Sirius hoped she would. Angeline shook her head. Perhaps he had sounded not enthusiastic enough.

"No. I like your home. It's so much more healthy than where I live. . . Lived," Angeline corrected herself and threw her arms around Sirius. The sensation of a real hug finally hit him. This was so strange, he reasoned. He put his face in her hair and stood there for a moment. Angeline pulled away and looked up at him.

"I think I'm in love," Angeline whispered. Sirius wrapped his arms around her, knowing the feeling.

"Ah," Remus groaned. Sirius' breath in took quickly, knowing what was happening. Angeline was suddenly alarmed and afraid.

"What, Sirius?" She asked as he bolted across the room and to Remus. He was curled up on the floor, silver with sweat.

"Dammit Remus, I told you!" Sirius kneeled down next to his friend, trying to help him up. Already, his hair had started to grow. He growled and moaned. Sirius used the last of his energy to throw him into the room in his apartment that they had kept empty for a reason. Sirius quickly grabbed Remus' wand out of his pocket and slammed the door shut. Remus scratched at the door with his human nails. Sirius knew what was next, the pleading.

"Please Sirius! HELP ME! AAAHH!" Lupin shouted. Sirius knew better. Once, Sirius had tried to help him as a human, but friendship was no match for the curse. Sirius had almost been bit, if not for the animagus. Sirius hesitated the bolt the door shut. He looked behind him to see the terrified face of his love. Sirius breathed heavily.

"I need your help, Angeline," Sirius started. "I'm going to go into this room, and I'm not coming out until morning. You need to lock this door behind me! LISTEN TO ME! Lock the door."

"But . . . What's going on? Is he. . . Is Remus. . ." Angeline held her hands over his mouth.

"Just do as I say Angeline!" Sirius yanked open the door and shut it quickly behind him. His back pressed up against the wood as he looked into the green eyes of the werewolf. Sirius quickly changed his form into the Grim, the black dog, the Sirius he was. Remus suddenly became less interested in the human that was in the room with him.

Angeline noticed the growling had stopped. She slowly locked each bolt on the door, just as Sirius had told her. She slunk back into the couch and waited. Even with the stress and panic on her mind, she fell asleep, just as the black dog and werewolf did in the corner of the stained red room.


	14. Partners: Galvanizing Gringotts

**A Dreadfully Convenient Crossover: "Partners In Every Sense of the Word"**

By Spectra16 (The last chapter made me sad! Poor little Remus!)

A/N: I hope this isn't completely boring. I should be wrapping up the story in this chapter or the next. I might just combine the two chapter in this one. I didn't want this story to be that long. Grr. Yeah, I think this will be the last chapter. Yup. Decided. I wanna start updating ADCC: The Goblet of Eternity! (Because the Fire Code sounds dumb. Too much like a rip off of Davinci Code. Bleh.)

Disclaimer: Vivaldi rocks my socks. I like his depressing/angry songs. His froofy songs are too . . . Froofy. Anyways, I don't own Angeline Fowl or Sirius Black inc. Meh. And I don't own Vivaldi, because I wrote this whole chapter to his Summer Concerto in G Minor. It's hardcore. Listen to it sometime. It's in his 4 seasons stuff. I also do not own the blatant Rage Against the Machine homage line from the song "Born of a Broken Man".

This is the best song for this story. Below.

**I Write Sins Not Tragedies**

By Panic at the Disco

Oh, well imagine

As I'm pacing the pews in a church corridor.

And I can't help but to hear,

No I can't help but to hear an exchanging of words.

"What a beautiful wedding."

What a beautiful wedding," says the brides made to a waiter.

Oh what a shame.

Oh what a shame that the poor groom's bride is a whore.

I chime in with a "Haven't you people ever heard of

Closing the goddamn door? No."

It's much better to face these kinds of things

With a sense of poise and rationality.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Chapter Five: Galvanizing Gringotts

-.-.-.-.-.-

One and a half years later. . .

-.-.-.-.-.-

Sirius, disbelieving of his own eyes, his own senses, walked through a pile of ash. He gaped at the smoke rising from the charred pieces of wood on the ground. With each dreadful step came an unnerving crunch of what used to be a happy home. Sirius panicked.

"Where's Harry?" Sirius' voice cracked. Hagrid and Dumbledore stood behind him, already having seen the damage. Hagrid cleared his throat.

"We've got 'im, Sirius," Hagrid murmured. Sirius fell to his knees and leaned on his palms.

"No, no, no," Sirius repeated silently.

"Minerva and I are going to take him to his closest relatives, Lily's sister," Dumbledore walked towards Sirius. Sirius whirled around with angry tears on his face.

"Lily's sister! I'm his godfather! I should take him in!" Sirius protested. Dumbledore shook his head.

"No Sirius. Voldemort would expect that. You and Harry would not be safe," Dumbledore tried not to lay it on too thick. Hagrid put his hand on Sirius' shoulder. Sirius sobbed louder now. All rational thought had left him. The world around him swirled and words failed to express his new feelings. _Life had been so kind until now._

"There, there," Hagrid comforted "the bleedin' traitor", as he would later put it. Sirius rubbed his eyes, feeling tired. He yawned through his tears. So much stress in his mind made it harder to think clearly.

"Take my motorcycle, Hagrid. I don't need it anymore," Sirius stood up and walked down the dark, artificially lit street. Hagrid attempted to follow him, but Dumbledore stopped him. Sirius walked, not bothering to look up. The street was empty, no cars at 2 in the morning. Hagrid and Dumbledore quickly left to find Minerva McGonagall. Sirius' mind was clouded with hateful, spiteful things. _It must've been Peter. That bastard. . . He was our friend, James' friend._ Sirius clenched his fist and bit his lip. With each mindless step towards his home, Sirius built up more anger. His head pounded with every emotion in him. The stress of losing someone you loved was incredible. It could make you feel hate, anger, love, exhaustion, happiness, sadness. It was all there in one feeling. Sirius moaned as he cried.

_Angeline and I are not safe anymore. Voldemort could still be out there. He could still wish to kill me. He might think Harry's with me. What should we do?_ His thoughts were like a hundred tiny moths trapped in a lamp shade. Something in his irrational thought wanted him to run. Run away from all of this. So he did. He ran for miles, not going anywhere in particular. After a while, he stopped to catch his breath. As if by the command of a cliché in an author's mind, rain feel directly from the sky above, straight down. Sirius lifted his arms up and looked into the sky. Cool rain washed away his tears and soaked his clothes. Tiny puddles formed in his hands. He closed his eyes for a moment and spoke aloud.

"What do you want me to do?" Sirius breathed in. Silence answered his question. Sirius' brow furrowed.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!" He screamed. A whisper in his ear.

_Kill him._

As if he had not expected an answer, his eyes shot open, wondering if someone was there with him. He looked around in the rain. His hair was soaked and plastered to his face. He whirled around to see who had said that. There was no one. Sirius yelled angrily. He knew he had heard someone. Someone was there.

_Kill Peter. Kill Remus. One of them is guilty._

-.-.-.-.-.-

When Sirius arrived home, he wrote the strangest letter to Dumbledore that he had ever written. _I hope he doesn't take this the wrong way._

_Dear Dumbledore,_

_It's Sirius. I need you help, quite briefly. In fear of being discovered by Voldemort, I want an alias, a new life. I'd also like to ask you for some of the technology that you spoke to be about; the Blue Rinse. I cannot tell you what my intent is right now, but I assure you, no one will be hurt, and once it's done, I will fill you in on everything. This is pertinent to my mission. Please sir, please send the technology._

_Your humble servant,_

_Sirius Black_

Sirius woke up on his stomach, as if he had just fallen into bed and started sleeping. He groggily stretched and winced as he caught a ray on sun in the eyes. Angeline could be heard walking around in their new home. He picked himself up and rubbed his eyes. Angeline heard him get up and ran to him.

"Is Harry okay?" She blurted. Sirius nodded, still waking up. She looked relieved.

"And James and Lily are dead?" Angeline asked, disbelieving. Sirius nodded again.

"I'm thirsty," He mumbled and walked past her. Angeline's eyes were wide and fearful. _Sirius must be really tired. _

-.-.-.-.-.-

Sirius had finally woken, but he was still highly distraught. Angeline sat across from him, after he had told her everything that he was planning. Sirius felt it necessary to tell her, because she would one of two accomplices if Dumbledore fell through. Angeline tried not to look shocked, or scared, so she sighed.

"And you've thought this completely through?" She asked. Sirius nodded, sipping some Earl Grey tea.

"And what if we're caught?" She asked, hoping that playing devil's advocate would clear Sirius' mind.

"We go to prison. It's simple. But it's worth the try. We don't know if Voldemort will come here looking for Harry. We have to be prepared," Sirius admitted. Angeline nodded. She did feel the need to take these precautions also, but she was afraid to go to prison like so many of her relatives and their friends. She'd see them there. . . At Azkaban.

"I see. Well, I'm in. For better of for worse," Angeline fiddled with her ruby on her wedding ring. Sirius smiled for the first time since he had heard the news.

"I need you to get research on a rich, dead family. I say if we're going to rob a bank, we should get all that's it's worth out of it. And we're going to have to move, so we should find somewhere nice to live," Sirius spoke confidently, hoping to ward away any of Angeline's doubtful feelings.

"Somewhere far from London?" Angeline asked. Sirius nodded.

"Ireland, Scotland, maybe Italy. I've always wanted to live there," Sirius stood up and looked out the window. There was Fawkes, carrying a rather large package in it's mouth. Sirius ran outside to greet Fawkes, and his new equipment.

Sirius scribbled a thank you note to Dumbledore and gave it to Fawkes. Sirius' owl, Atticus, landed on Sirius' head. Sirius took the package and opened it. A packet of handwritten directions (courtesy of Dumbledore), were in the box as well. Sirius seemed psychotically happy with himself. Dumbledore trusted him so much that he would trust him with this dangerous technology and not question him in the least. Sirius felt a tad bit guilty, but he reminded himself of the trouble he was going to cause, and it eased his conscious heart.

-.-.-.-.-.-

_This is insane,_ Angeline thought to herself as Sirius led her through the main hall of Gringotts Bank. _I can't believe we're doing this._ Angeline had found a dynasty, a monolith of ancestry on a family called the Fowls. The name itself had been promising. The last Fowl, Artemis, had died without children or a wife. It was very strange for a millionaire to die without heirs, but the blessing bestowed on Angeline and Sirius was not ignored.

Not only the name, but what the man had left behind was incredible. Once Sirius changed the family name, they'd be the new Fowls. The Fowl Manor, in Ireland, had not been bought or destroyed. Angeline smiled when she had gone to see the estate. Once they had the Fowl name, they could pass off as distant family to Artemis, and then buy it.

Sirius had told Angeline to dress up. He'd always been intrigued with robbers, especially American robberies in the West. Angeline wore a long, beautiful, light white dress. Sirius wore a black suit and overcoat. The two of them quickly walked up to the main desk and jumped on it. A woman only a few feet away screamed. Sirius withdrew his wand and pointed it at one of the goblins.

"This is a hold up!" Sirius smirked. "I have a bio bomb, so don't try anything funny." Sirius spoke in clichés. Angeline pulled out her birch wand and stood watch for any one who would try to stop them.

Sirius' statement was true. He did have a bio bomb. The goblins at the desk seemed shocked that anyone would attempt to rob Gringotts. It hadn't been done! But a bio bomb? There was something quite dreadful. It could kill anything, anyone, no matter how many. Sirius starred down at the goblins.

"What do you want?" One muttered. Sirius smirked. Angeline caught a goblin raise his hands and sparks began to form.

"Stupefy!" Angeline yelled at the goblin, and he stopped suddenly.

"Gold," Sirius breathed. The goblin nodded.

"How much?" The goblin was clearly prolonging the process. Sirius felt no need to wait this long.

"Impervius," Sirius locked his arm, pointing at the poor goblin. The goblin ran off somewhere. Angeline kept her eyes peeled. Using Impervius, Sirius had no need to let the goblin know just how much he wanted. Sirius jumped down and stood by Angeline, but faced the other way. Oh how he hoped he could've trusted Remus to come with him, but it had to be Peter or him that was the culprit, who killed James and Lily. The two of them searched the room was any attacks. Everyone remained fairly quiet, fairly silent. The little goblin pushed a large cart of gold to the main hall, where the silent panic loomed. Sirius breathed in deeply. _Gold, the most beautiful of all elements._ Sirius was not able to stare at it well enough, for a man in a brown cloak shouted a spell at Sirius.

"Everte Statum!" The man shouted, and Sirius flew in the air, hitting the wall before landing on the ground. He moaned. Sirius had recognized this man, this auror. Before the man could feel triumph for ending a perfect robbery, another man in a black suit came out of nowhere, and punched the man down. Angeline screamed and ran to Sirius' side. The man in the suit ran to him too, making sure that none of the civilians would get involved. He pulled out a Sig Sauer and pointed it hurriedly at anyone who lived.

"Stand back," the man said in a gruff voice to his audience. No one seemed to move. A few edged towards the door. No one knew that this man had no magic, but none of them wanted to fight at all with him. He towered over most tall humans. And the angry look on his face didn't make him seem any less intimidating. The man backed up to Sirius.

"Sir, are you alright?" He asked. Sirius' eyes opened at the sound of the man's voice. Angeline, near tears, pointed her wand at the man that had potentially started to protect them. Sirius fixed his eyes on the man standing over him.

"Butler?" He asked. Butler nodded.

"Nice to see you, sir," Butler replied, still pointing his gun at no one in particular. Sirius struggled to stand, so Angeline helped him, realizing that this man was no threat.

"Sir, did you have a plan for getting out of here?" Butler asked a bit nervously. Sirius laughed.

"Yes. Although such preparation wasn't really needed, considering the authorities haven't even shown up yet," Sirius joked. Butler winced.

"They're waiting for you outside. There's no other way to exit," He spoke sadly. Sirius didn't seem fazed.

"That wasn't my plan, going out the front door," Sirius seemed insulted that someone thought he would do that. Butler breathed.

"What is your plan?" he asked. Sirius smirked.

"Close you eyes," Sirius spoke softly. Angeline did so, knowing this part of the plan. Butler did as he was told, his first order from Sirius in an incredibly long time. "LUMOS SOLEM!" Sirius shouted, raising his wand in the air. Lumos Solem was a spell that was greater than just Lumos. It lit up the area brighter than the sun. So bright that it would temporarily cause the people around it to have their vision impaired, bright enough to faintly show underground a few miles. Not that it was entirely necessary. Only one mile would've caught the watchful eye of Mulch Diggums. And the light was the signal. Mulch smiled and pushed the detonator.

Sirius stood far enough away from the blast under the cart of gold. The floor under the cart easily crumbled under the weight. The gold fell through. Sirius, Angeline, and Butler ran for the hole and jumped in before the sight was returned to the people in the bank, and a few of the Magic Police outside. The fall was only a few yards down, and Mulch had made sure that they fell on something relatively soft. Although, some dirt was less than comforting. The gold had already been moved away from the bottom of the hole. Mulch was greedily counting it when they hit the button.

A ragged, small tunnel was their only escape. The hole was just big enough for the cart to roll away. The tunnel ended about a mile south of the bank. Mulch had done most of it by himself, but had some help from one of his distant cousins who just happened to be in town when Sirius Black arranged a meeting with him. He had told Mulch would get most of the earnings, considering they couldn't dig a tunnel by themselves.

"Are you alright sir?" Butler asked, in pain himself. Sirius nodded.

"I can't believe we pulled that off," Sirius joked. Angeline lightly punched him in the arm.

"How did you know where we were?" Sirius asked. Butler didn't look at him.

"I'd just come back from spending time with my family in Italy when I heard about James and Lily. I wanted to speak with you, but I found Dumbledore first. He knew what you were up to, and he asked me to watch over you. Lucky for you," Butler smiled. Sirius smiled back.

"I'll explain everything to you later, old friend," Sirius patted him on the shoulder.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Mr. Snicket occasionally walked through Diagon Alley and would pick up a Daily Prophet, just to see what was happening. But this was not just an occasionally-pick-up-the-paper deal. A man he knew from his days at Hogwarts was featured on the cover, although he couldn't tell it was him at first. The man struggled against officers as he held a sign that read "Sirius Black". The man silently screamed, looking quite livid that he was going to Azkaban. Lemony read that this man he had once idolized had killed his two best friends and was a Death Eater. Lemony's eyebrows furrowed as he read the most startling news. He knew that Sirius wouldn't have ever become a Death Eater on his own free will. If anyone was to plead Imprevius, it would be Sirius. Lemony handed a few Sickles to the newsstand and walked away.

_-.-.-.-.-.-.-_

Sirius' forehead was pressed into the bars of his prison cell. Angeline wore a black dress and hat, looking quite Victorian. Her apologetic look would've melted Sirius' Black heart, if not for the news that had just hardened it.

"I wasn't thinking," Angeline let a black tear fall onto her face, as a result of mascara. "He . . . He. . ."

"I don't want to hear it," Sirius admitted. Angeline whimpered.

"Please Sirius, don't be like that!" She cried openly now. He grasped the bars tightly, as if he wished it was her neck.

"WHY DID YOU COME BACK TO SEE ME! Why not just forget about me if you love SNAPE so much!" Sirius' words felt like poison to not only Angeline, but himself. That name . . . Snape . . . Was fire in his blood. The final pin prick before death. The one person on this earth that he disliked more than his family, more than Voldemort, more than himself.

"Because . . .," she paused quietly. "I'm pregnant." Her voice was quiet and scared. Sirius yelled in agony.

"DAMMIT!" He yanked on the bars violently. Angeline looked up.

"No Sirius! With . . . Yours."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

A/N: THE END! Thank Jesus. It's over. FINALLY! I'm so tired. I'm going to go take a nap before I write the next story. Goodnight! And good luck.

The Music of this Story:

Summer Concerto in G Minor by VIVALDI

Born of a Broken Man by RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE

White Room by CREAM

I Write Sins Not Tragedies by PANIC AT THE DISCO

Mr. Raven by MC LARS

Down by BLINK-182

The Point of No Return by PHANTOM of the Opera


	15. Goblet of Eternity: You Think You

**A Dreadfully Convenient Crossover and the Goblet of Eternity**

Sequel to _A Dreadfully Convenient Crossover and the Prisoner of the Arctic Incident_, a Harry Potter/Artemis Fowl/Lemony Snicket crossover

By Spectra16 (Doesn't know what Prime Time is.) (Actually, she does. And you should too.)

A/N: Welcome back to the A Dreadfully Convenient Crossover series! Now with more Baud action! And VFD action! Hacha! THIS WILL BE BETTER THAN THE LAST ADCC! **Guaranteed! **Much more emotion, less carbon copy of the HP book! YES! I can't wait until the next book I'm doing! A Dreadfully Convenient Crossover and the Order of Deception! And after that, A Dreadfully Convenient Crossover and the Lost Half-blood, or the Half-blood Colony, or the Lost Prince (I don't like that one), or the Lost Half-blood Colony. Tell me which one you think is best. Or make one up.

Anyways, for those of you who do not know, this is the sequel to my first story "A Dreadfully Convenient Crossover and the Prisoner of the Arctic Incident". You might want to read that first, but you don't have to. After all, you're only missing the fact that Artemis arrives at Hogwarts, Butler is keeping a secret from him, Lemony Snicket works for the Daily Prophet, Mulch works for Voldemort, Artemis finds his real father (promptly after finding his fake father), and Harry's role as main character is drastically shifted. Interested now? No? Well, if you assumed as much, I did NOT just ruin my entire story. Yes, there's more. And it gets deeper in this story. I can't wait to see the looks on your review faces!

WARNING: Since Goblet of Fire was so largely based on the Triwizard Tournament (because Quadwizard Tournament sounds perfectly ridiculous) and Harry, I'm writing what happens behind the scenes with the Order, Voldemort, Olaf, and the strenuous story plot I had to recreate because Mulch bringing Artemis' memories back is going to take too long. My Sirius/Angeline mini story fried my brain at the last chapter because so much had to fit. I'm quasi-retarded now. (frown)

WARNING: I've just been informed that fan fiction dot net's new name is factory fudge nuts. PEACE. And Harry and the Potters is coming somewhere near you! (be it in your neighborhood or two states away. . .)

And without further ado. . .

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Chapter One: You Think You Have It Bad? Try Being in a Lemony Snicket Novel.

_When's the last time I did a house call? It must've been years ago. I'd much rather be somewhere else, like the bank or the Orphan's home . . . Or my home. With my wife, Edgar, and Albert. Artemis is proving to be quite the challenging case though, and I do enjoy a challenge. I hope he will have changed from the time he transferred from St. Bartleby's. I wouldn't be here if his mother hadn't have called. Perhaps she would enroll him back into St. Bartleby's at my expense. _

Thoughts similar to these had crossed Mr. Po's mind in an instant as he walked up to the rather imposing manor. He'd raised his fist to knock when the door swung open with a rather strangely beaming Artemis. Butler was not behind him, like usual, glaring down. Dr. Po cleared his throat and coughed into a tiny white handkerchief he always carried around. As long as Artemis had known him, Dr. Po seemed to always have a cough.

"Hello, Mister Fowl," Dr. Po greeted gruffly, ignoring the fact that Artemis seemed to be in higher spirits. This could be a diversion from a deeper problem Artemis had. Artemis, instead of replying in a snide remark, and outreached his hand for Mr. Po to shake.

"Welcome to the Fowl Manor. If you don't mind, I'd prefer we sit outside in the gardens as we talk," Artemis led Mr. Po around his mansion and into a beautiful garden. The once wilted garden of Angeline Fowl was quickly replaced with hundreds of daffodils and other smaller species of flowers. The sun seemed to heat the countryside quite nicely. Artemis dressed for the warm occasion, but Mr. Po did not. He was still wearing a black suit, with a black top hat, and carried his belongings in a brief case. Artemis pulled out a patio chair for Mr. Po and sat beside him. Mr. Po cleared his throat as he sat down.

"I'm sure you know why I'm here. Your mother seems to be very concerned about you," Mr. Po started. Artemis nodded.

"She hasn't yet realized that boys will be boys," Artemis put it very lightly. Dr. Po smiled and pulled out his notebook.

"Well, instead of jumping into something completely different, I want to talk to you about the last time I saw you, which was quite some time ago," Dr. Po paused to cough.

"And that would be?" Artemis asked, forgetting the last time he had seen Mister . . . Doctor Po.

"The one we touched on with our last session. The one about respect?" Dr. Po eyed him. Artemis nodded. Now he remembered.

"Oh yes. That issue," Artemis smiled and looked out towards the expanse of the emerald land. Dr. Po steepled his fingers.

"Now, I want you to pretend I'm as smart as you are, and give me an honest answer," Dr. Po supposed and paused. Artemis smiled as he thought of Harry, Hermione, Ron, and his father, Sirius. How romantic it would be to see his father approach his broken hearted mother after 12 years of being away. Artemis breathed in the sweet smelling air. Harry had fought the most evil wizard in all time three times. Ron and Hermione had done their part to help Harry in this adventure. Artemis, himself, he figured out the mystery of Padfoot, Prongs, Moony, and Wormtail. And he had a hunch that, if given the right clues, he could locate Wormtail and his master, Lord Voldemort. Artemis smirked at the thought of this, chasing after an evil wizard. The thrill of being the one able to defeat him would be intoxicating. He looked back at Po, who was still eyeing Artemis.

"Well young man, have you found any one worthy of your respect?" He asked semi sarcastically. Artemis looked at him with honest eyes.

"Yes. I believe I have."

-.-.-.-.-.-

Wormtail paid a shuddered glance to Voldemort's face, or what there was left of it. He was afraid to suggest the next thing, but if Voldemort fell for it, inappropriate hazards could be evaded.

"It could be done without Harry Potter, My Lord," Peter spoke softly. Voldemort's tiny intake of voice made him seem rather vulnerable for the most powerful wizard in the world.

"Without Harry Potter?" Voldemort breathed again. "I see. . ."

"The boy is nothing to me, nothing at all! It is merely that if we were to use another witch or wizard, any wizard, this thing could be done so much more quickly!"

"I could use another wizard . . . Perhaps a stronger one," Voldemort spoke in a whisper. "That is true."

"My Lord, it makes sense," Wormtail's voice quickened, hoping this would convince Voldemort to let him go. "Laying hands on Harry Potter would be so difficult, he is so well protected. . . And Artemis! The boy that you were talking about before! He'd be so much easier to grab!"

"And so you volunteer to go and fetch me a substitute? I wonder . . . Perhaps the task of nursing me has become wearisome for you, Wormtail? Could this suggestion of abandoning the plan be nothing more than an attempt to desert me?" Voldemort seemed enraged, but his health prevented him from acting on his anger. But a stronger wizard, thought Voldemort. Perhaps, that boy . . . Harry's friend from Hogwarts could work. _No, he's for another purpose. We need Harry for this. _

-.-.-.-.-.-

Filaments of light seeped through the closed curtains in Artemis' room. He stood at his work desk, where his laptop was hooked up to a very strange looking piece of hardware. It was a tiny blue box with gold plated lining. Artemis had just finished uploading Gnomish into it. He couldn't help but smirk when he worked on the C Cube. It would be his greatest masterpiece when finished.

One floor below Artemis was Butler, lounging in an arm chair, watching a movie with the volume turned down low, and subtitles on. It was a Marylyn Monroe movie, but he didn't pay much heed to it. Butler's ears twitched, hearing something quite strange. It was the screech of a large bird outside, which wasn't common. Butler's curiosity (more like paranoia) got the better of him and he quickly walked down the staircase to the front door to see what it had been. Butler looked into the sky above him, cloudless. The blue was easy on the eyes and the sun was against his back. He walked farther from the door and looked back into the sun. He shielded his eyes from it and saw quite a strange sight. There seemed to be some sort of creature on the roof, and another figure. A glistened of glass reflected off of the figure. The creature squawked again. Butler's jaw dropped, wondering if he was seeing things.

The architecture of the manor was strange in certain ways. The part where the bird creature had perched was a low over hang, only two stories above the ground. The majority of the rest of the manor was at least four stories up. This fact was a considerably good, fortunate fact, because the man-like figure tripped and started rolling off. The bird creature squawked and hesitantly crawled with hooked claws down towards the man. Butler could barely see what was going on, due to the blinding light of the sun, but he knew that there was something rolling down the roof.

"Shit," Butler breathed. The glistening glass was a bottle that ran off of the slope of the roof and shattered on impact of the ground. The liquid was red and had an alcoholic stench. There was a man up there, and he had been drinking. Yet, he did not yell for help. He kept rolling until he came to the last of he roof and grabbed onto the edge with one hand. Realizing the danger, the man used his left hand to grab onto the edge as well. He let out a confused grunt and dangled from two stories up. The creature eased it's way to help the man dangling in the air, but the shingles of the roof started to break and come undone. The man tried to keep hold of the shingles but they fell off the roof, and the man strangely was able to keep hold.

"No, Buckbeak. Stop!" Sirius peered over the corner of the roof, trying to keep Buckbeak from allowing him to slip. This was the first time Butler had heard him speak at all. He contemplated asking who he was, but that would be put on hold. The man slipped and fell, his large jacket not acting as a parachute. Butler ran and tackled the man right out of the air. He landed with an "umph". The creature on the roof screeched angrily and the beating of wings could be heard. The shadow of a great creature with a long wing-span flew past Butler. The wind caused flutters Butler's designer jacket. He spun his head around to see what the creature was.

Butler pulled away from the grip on the unconscious man to see the animal landing behind him and scratching at the ground with its talons. Butler was no fool to the behavior of any animal, no matter how mystical or unimaginable. This creature was getting ready to attack, and Butler was almost ready.

The creature had a beak like a bird, and it's body was covered in feathers, yet, it walked on all fours. Butler stayed on the ground, wondering if he should stand up. His eyes were in a dead lock with the creature's. It screamed again.

The front doors to the Fowl manor flung open and banged against the wood, frightening the beast. Butler looked to see that it was Artemis.

Artemis looked at Butler, as if it was a dream. Butler was reared back on the ground, covering a long haired man. Artemis looked at Buckbeak, seeming to be in a daze.

"Artemis! Get back inside!" He yelled desperately. Artemis starred into Buckbeak's eyes. Artemis bowed, not looking away and Buckbeak bowed back. Butler was quite confused by this, but started to understand that this must've been part of his wizard training. And if so, who was this man? Unless. . .

"Buckbeak, come here. I've prepared a nice room for you," Artemis held out his hand. Buckbeak knew Artemis well enough to trust him, and he followed Artemis to the back of the manor.

"Butler, take that man inside!" Artemis yelled across the yard. Butler didn't ask any of the questions swimming in his mind and as he scooped the man up, something about his wrinkled, dirty face reminded him of an old friend.

-.-.-.-.-.-

"Is this all that you could find!" Voldemort hissed. His small form was ignored because of the things he had done in the past. Peter, Mulch, Bill, and Olaf watched him carefully, looking like a rather pitiful bunch. Peter shook with some undisclosed emotion.

"Master, you must understand, gold is not easy to come by," His voice trembled. Voldemort scoffed. Olaf eyed the small clump of gold that was laid before Voldemort. This was far more than he had ever imagined, and yet, it wasn't good enough for his master.

"You have ALL failed me! I highly doubt resourceful creatures as yourselves couldn't steal enough gold!" Voldemort spat. Mulch took a step forward.

"Permission to give it another try? I'm sure I could find a lot more, with more able workers," Mulch hinted that Olaf and Peter had been worthless. Voldemort knew Mulch's potential, and that Peter and Olaf were just getting in the way.

"Of course, Mulch. Olaf, Peter, I'll have other tasks for you. You will not be joining Mulch on this mission," Voldemort coughed. Peter bowed and groveled at Voldemort's feet.

"Please sir, we'll do anything!" Peter clapped his hands together. Voldemort wished Peter's loyalties lied where they should've been. Instead, Peter only obeyed Voldemort in fear. For now, Voldemort ignored it.

"How close are you to getting that fortune you keep talking about, Olaf?" Voldemort asked. Olaf coughed.

"Very close, master. Just give me a bit more time," Olaf believed what he said. Voldemort nodded. He then shot a look at Peter.

"I have another job for you."

-.-.-.-.-.-

Sirius opened the door to his manor, with a wide smile. His hair had been cut to his shoulders and his clothes were finally changed from the rags he was in when he was at Azkaban. His Armani suits were now too big for him, since he had lost too much weight during his stay at Azkaban. Sirius didn't hesitate to hug the man on his door step. Lupin squeezed him in return, and they both pulled away after a few moments.

"Remus, how did you find me?" Sirius asked, starry eyed. Remus smiled.

"Your son, Artemis, sent me an owl. He said I should stay with you for a while. To talk," Lupin smiled. Sirius led him inside his vast mansion. Butler took Lupin's suit case and coat. Lupin looked especially weary and sick. Sirius was the first to realize this, when Artemis hurried down the staircase.

"Professor Lupin!" Artemis smiled and walked to him. Sirius put his arm around Artemis. Remus shook his head.

"Not professor anymore, remember? Call me Remus," Lupin smiled. Artemis nodded. Artemis looked over at Butler, whom was standing there patiently.

"Please go get us some tea, Butler," Artemis asked politely. Butler nodded and headed for the kitchen. Lupin seemed to watch Butler as he left.

"Butler? I'm surprised he's still around, since you're not part of the Black family anymore," Lupin whispered to Sirius. Black nodded.

"12 years ago, his father swore to me that he was loyal to me alone. He didn't want any part of the Black family. 'Said his only concern was my immediate family. His son has been no different," Sirius whispered back. Lupin scratched his head. Artemis knew there was a full moon two days before. He still had his moon charts in his room and looked at them to see when Lupin would be sick. Lupin obviously looked shaken, even now. There were scratched all over his hands and face. Artemis chose to be polite about it.

"Since you're no longer a professor, who makes your Wolfsbane potion?" Artemis asked. Lupin sighed heavily.

"This month was the first time in years that I couldn't take any. I tried to find an apothecary, but I was too late," Remus said sadly. Sirius seemed shocked.

"You went through the full transformation?" He asked, stunned. Remus shook his head nervously.

"Do you know how to make it, Sirius? I can never do it. I brought the ingredients with me," Lupin pleaded. Sirius shook his head.

"I'm sorry, Remus. I've never attempted that potion. From what I hear, it's rather dangerous," Sirius' brow furrowed apologetically. Artemis looked up at Remus.

"I can make it," Artemis spoke up. "I have the recipe for Wolfsbane in one of my books." Remus smiled at him, appreciating the gesture, but still disbelieving.

"Don't you know the risks?" Lupin asked. Artemis nodded.

"Of course."

"Is that alright with you, Sirius?" Remus asked. Sirius nodded. Lupin seemed to realize something and he looked around.

"Where's Angeline?" Lupin asked. Sirius had a deep intake of breath, hearing the name of his wife.

"Artemis said she's off to some spa with Juliet. She'll be back within the week," Sirius replied. Lupin smiled dreamily.

"What a romantic scenario it will be when she returns. Her husband back after 12 years." Sirius shifted uncomfortably.

"For her, it's only been one year. It's been one year for 12 years," Sirius said, ashamed of himself. Lupin wasn't shocked by this. He put his hand on Sirius' shoulder.

"None of us blame you for that. It'd definitely ease her pain, and Artemis'," Lupin looked at Artemis. Artemis looked away quickly.

"I even put Butler under the spell. For him, it seemed like one year, but he knew differently," Sirius spoke as Butler walked into the room where Lupin, Black, and Fowl were sitting. Lupin swirled his tea around in the cup, starring deeply into the liquid. Remus had barely recognized Sirius when they met at the Shrieking Shack on that fateful night, under the full moon. Now, Sirius looked like he had fifteen years ago, but older. Remus figured he too looked older to Sirius. Lupin looked at Artemis, who seemed to be intently starring at the carpet.

"Do you mind if your father and I speak alone for a moment?" Lupin asked Artemis politely. Artemis tore himself from his trance and looked at Remus' eyes.

"Of course," Artemis replied curtly and left hastily. Sirius watched his thin son leave the room silently. Sirius knew very well that Lupin had something important to tell him, but Sirius wanted to talk about his son.

"I can't believe it. Snape told him that he was Artemis' father," Sirius spoke resentfully. Remus looked up at Sirius.

"What a ridiculous thing to say," Lupin replied shortly and sipped his tea carefully. Sirius bit his lip.

"Apparently, him and Angeline got together shortly after I was put in Azkaban," Sirius spoke quietly. Lupin spit out his tea and looked up at Sirius, shocked.

"What!" Lupin yelled. Sirius hid his shivering.

"We know for a fact that Artemis is my son. But Snape and my wife did have an affair shortly after I was sent to Azkaban. Angeline told me herself when she visited me there," Sirius exclaimed. Lupin looked quite devastated by this.

"Sirius, I'm so sorry," Lupin started. Sirius shook his head.

"She has suffered too much now. When she gets back, I'm going to tell her how much I love her and missed her," Sirius spoke softly. Remus set his cup down on the table.

"How is Artemis taking this?" Lupin asked.

"At first, I could tell he had a lot of family pride behind him, but now that he knows that we aren't really Fowls, he's been a bit reclusive," Sirius whispered.

"He's brilliant, Sirius," Remus replied quickly. Sirius nodded.

"I gathered as much when we met at the Shrieking Shack. How he found out about the Map and us is beyond me," Sirius exclaimed. Lupin nodded sullenly.

"Dumbledore speaks well of him, beyond the fact that he is a Slytherin," Lupin said cheerfully. Sirius scratched his chin.

"That's what puzzles me. I was a Gryffindor even though I was a Black. Angeline was a Slytherin of course. What is it about Artemis that makes him . . . Slytherin? He doesn't seem like the kind of boy that would . . . Be that way," Sirius seemed saddened by this. Lupin smiled at a past thought.

"Angeline, a Slytherin. She's was pretty rebellious, I guess. Not evil, per say. Just. . .," Lupin searched for the right word.

"Willing. Anything for love, she'd say," Sirius was reminded of the instance when he felt most in love with her, when they were robbing the vault for the gold. Sirius wore a faded smile. Everything would fall into place once she returned to the Fowl Manor.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Foaly clutched a round, blue object in his hand, quickly trotting to Root's office. Foaly scurried through room until he reached Root's desk, which was cluttered with near finished B'wa Kell court orders. The arrest and council orders were long and difficult, but Root had finished most of them only weeks prior. This mess hadn't been cleaned up quite yet. Root looked up at Foaly from a LEP squadron briefing document.

"Fowl finally finished the report on his trip to Hogwarts," Foaly held up the blue orb. Root blanched.

"It's about time. Lazy little mud whelp," Root threw the briefing one top of the other briefings. Foaly looked at the stack.

"I wouldn't call it lazy, Julius. It's about the width of two of your heads, in paper anyways. I'm fairly sure that we picked the right mudman to write the report," Foaly tossed it to Root, who caught it with one hand. Root puffed his fungus cigar.

"This document could be a bunch of syndicated troll piss that Fowl put together for our enjoyment. No matter how thorough it is, I'm hesitant to trust any of it," Root placed the small orb into a reading devise, and found the whole document to be in Gnomish. Root puffed again.

"Did you translate this Foaly? I've already got a headache," Root asked. Foaly shook his head.

"Nope. Our little Arty did that all on his own," Foaly hid a smirk. Root grimaced. _He's taunting us, I just know it._ Root continued to read the report, and Foaly left the office to give Root the ample time to read it.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Remus and Sirius were playing a heated game of Wizard Chess while they waited for Juliet and Angeline to finish up with cooking dinner. Butler sat at a distance and watched them mindlessly. Artemis strode into the room and stopped as he reached his father's side.

"Can I speak with you, sir?" Artemis asked, sounding rather depressed. Sirius looked up from his game.

"Of course you can," Sirius wondered why Artemis insisted on being so formal around him. Artemis sat down to the side of the table.

"Snape told me, back in Hogwarts, that the telekinetic ability is hereditary," Artemis sounded quite worried, but Remus was the only one who seemed to notice this. Sirius bit his lip.

"Not always," Sirius answered shortly. Artemis' look didn't relent.

"So you and mother are not telekinetic?" Artemis asked. Sirius shook his head.

"No. Why?" Sirius then realized what Artemis was getting at right as he spoke those words. "Oh."

"Yeah," Artemis understood that he understood. Sirius seemed surprised.

"Well, telekinesis is a powerful gift. Use it wisely," Sirius moved his queen. Remus eyed Artemis.

"That's how you knew about the Marauder's Map," Remus smiled. Artemis scratched his nose.

"Well, I had enough evidence to assume who made the Marauder's Map, but my telekinesis just proved my theories." Lupin smiled pleasantly, seeing the Sirius in Artemis. The deduction, the intelligence, the mischievous nature about him, it was all in Sirius. Lupin moved his king absentmindedly.

"No, no Remus. You can't move there. You'll check mate yourself," Sirius quietly interrupted. Artemis, subtly, was getting tired of the lack of attention his father was giving him. Of course, he could deal with the lack, but it was unnerving, considering that he had saved him (of course, with the help of Harry, Dumbledore and Hermione). Artemis clenched his jaw. Butler noticed this in Artemis. Artemis stood up silently and walked back out of the room. Sirius moved his queen again.

"Check."

-.-.-.-.-.-

Artemis had his suspicions of why he was telekinetic, even though it didn't run in his family. Sure, it could've been hereditary, somewhere far down the line of his ancestors somewhere but the problem with that was that since Artemis was born of two wizards, he was a squib. He used fairy magic to make himself magical. This troubled Artemis but brought him to one conclusion. Artemis wasn't just naturally good at magic, the fairy magic enhancer was more powerful than the magic he should know at his age. This explained the patronus he conjured just two months before.

At this, Artemis began to find way to duplicate the solution. It was not hard to find the answer using his fairy technology. The weaponry and helmets he had collected at their first encounter with fairies had proved quite useful. Artemis picked at the C Cube on his work table, the only thing lighting the room was a small workbench lap. A strong rap on the door broke the unbearable silence in his room.

"Yes?" Artemis asked, hoping that it was his father.

"Permission to enter, sir?" A deep voice spoke. Artemis grimaced.

"Come in, Butler," Artemis sounded considerably less enthusiastic. Butler gently opened the door, his eyes adjusting to the darkness surrounding Artemis Junior.

"Is something the matter, Butler?" Artemis asked. Butler shifted.

"Your father wants to know why we're going to London," Butler spoke softly, wondering if Artemis had given thought to this. Artemis set his metallic tool down and turned around to face Butler. He tapped his fingers down on the table, looking around.

"We're going to Diagon Alley for school supplies and a day on the town," Artemis replied shortly. Butler gave a small nod.

"Luckily, his criminal record will keep him from following us," Artemis paused. "Oh yes, we need to go to Gringotts tomorrow as well. The magic enhancers should be kept in high quantities there. Just in case. I wouldn't want mother or father to find them," Artemis muttered. Butler nodded and left the room quickly. Instead of going back to work on doing his fifth systems check, Artemis violently opened the curtains to reveal a dark night sky filled with tiny lights. There was a full moon tonight.

Artemis opened his window, and a warm breeze entered his stuffy room. Artemis left the window open while he went to grab Multice from his cage. Multice hooted curtly and spread his wings. Artemis sat him on the windowsill and handed him a small parchment with something quite important wrapped inside. The parchment read one name, Hermione Granger. Multice took the parchment and leapt out of the window hastily. Artemis watched his bird climb into the sky, hoping that this would reach its destination.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Sirius stood in the fire place of the Fowl manor with Remus Lupin. Angeline looked rather worried at the two of them. Juliet held her hand for comfort.

"Come back as soon as you can!" Angeline teared up. Sirius helped Remus stand on his feet. The previous night had proved to be quite treacherous, since the shelter gave through and Remus ran about the Fowl acres. Scratches and bruises were the least of his problem now. Remus had bit himself in the leg, and Sirius had quickly wrapped gauze around it to keep him from bleeding to death.

"Always," Sirius dropped the Floo powder down and they were gone in an instant.

"It'll be alright, Mrs. Fowl. Artemis will be home in a few hours. Everything will be alright," Juliet attempted to encourage Angeline, but she was already in hysterics. Something about her husband running around with a werewolf and her son getting involved with criminal activities kept her awake at night. Call it a sixth sense or the tiny bit of seer blood in her, but she also knew that neither of them would be returning any time soon.

Because of this, she decided to go after her husband.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

A/N: Hope you enjoyed the first chapter of the sequel! Trust me, it picks up after this. Someone requested more emotion to the story, and I'm certainly delivering! I like it better this way, rather than copying the story. It's more fun for me to make up my own back story. Anyhow, JK announced that she's killing off two more characters in the next (Final? Doubt it.) book. I bet it's going to be Voldemort and, strangely, Ron. I just have this weird feeling that Ron's going to die. Is that wrong? My friend says Harry's going to kill himself in order to kill Voldie. Her husband replied to that with, "Harry's going to die a martyr?" I thought it was funny. Who do you think is going to die and why? Love you guys!

A/N 2: Oops. I forgot something. I recently beta-ed a story (only the most recent chapter). Honestly, it's pretty awesome. It's called The Charity Case by shadowgirlVG. It's fun to read and almost slash. Meh.


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